This older man at work

Hi all,

I think I've already posted about this guy in the past, but I'm again a bit weirded out.

Basically, there's this (older) guy I've been working with for the last couple of years that has me confused. We don't work in the same country, but we share a client portfolio. He's quite high up. I often visit his office to work from there. The very first time I visited, he asked if I wanted to hang out for drinks. I declined as I thought it was weird to be just the two of us. Then, he heard I was visiting again and he sent me a message saying he wanted to go out for drinks. We ended up not going, because I declined again. Then, every time I visited his office, he would say Hi and leave it at that, no interaction.

We had a difficult work relationship in the sense that we would often argue.

Fine, I found out he found someone (30 years younger) and that's when oddly enough, we started getting along. I felt less pressure and he seemed more himself around me whether on the phone or in person. As a result, we often talk on the phone and make jokes, talk about our lives blah blah.

Anyway. He called me up one day at work and started asking about how I am really doing and whether it's not too difficult to live away from my family. Ok, strange but we chatted a bit.

Fast forward, I visited his office last week and at 9 am, he grabbed a coffee and suddenly sat next to me whilst I was working (which he had never done since I started).. he started asking me questions about my living arrangements:

- How are you really doing? Not so great where you are no?

- Do you have an apartment over there right? Do you live alone or do you have roommates?

- I saw there's a housing crisis there (why would he be interested in this? This ain't even a big capital)

- So, you live in the city center?

I mean, I understand he was chatting, but he asked me these back to back questions and started out by basically saying where I live is not great. Mind you, I never mentioned not liking where I live or anything negative. I had never even spoken about my living arrangements. I told him "It is what it is", then he looked down and said: "I know, but" - then my phone started ringing and the conversation was cut short.

I am not going to make a move since I have no idea if he has someone and we work together. But his questions are a bit intrusive no? Especially at 9am in the middle of the office. I swear, he seemed deeply concerned, very serious tone and all.

What is going on here? Why this sudden intrusive interest?

What is going on here? Why this sudden intrusive interest?

Why not just ask him this?

Do you have a crush on him? Try not to misinterpret polite small talk because of the crush. It may not be considered "intrusive" to ask a few questions about your location, if you have been working together "for years" and are commuting to a different country to work with him.

Is your country/area less affluent? It sounds like small talk but perhaps he was wondering why you live in that area and if you would be interested in transferring to a better department or area.

We don't work in the same country. I often visit his office to work from there.

He's not my boss nor am I reporting to him. I don't directly work with him, we share a client portfolio. I was thinking perhaps he wants to offer me a job, but he's has no openings in his department.

I would not really be thinking much of this if he hadn't already asked me to go out for drinks with him twice in the past. I found his questions about whether I live alone or I have roommates to be slightly too personal. Once minute he's talking about coffee, the next he's suddenly asking me this question.

No, my country is not less affluent. It's actually more affluent than his, but much more expensive.

I'm not seeking anything with him. I have far better concerns at this stage. I'm just a bit weirded out.

He's not my boss nor am I reporting to him. I don't directly work with him, we share a client portfolio. I was thinking perhaps he wants to offer me a job, but he's has no openings in his department.

 

I would not really be thinking much of this if he hadn't already asked me to go out for drinks with him twice in the past. I found his questions about whether I live alone or I have roommates to be slightly too personal. Once minute he's talking about coffee, the next he's suddenly asking me this question.

 

No, my country is not less affluent. It's actually more affluent than his, but much more expensive.

 

I'm not seeking anything with him. I have far better concerns at this stage. I'm just a bit weirded out.

A perfectly valid and appropriate response to anyone who asks a question you don't wish to answer is, "Why do you ask?"

You said you two "often argue". You also said you two talk on the phone and make jokes and talk about your lives.

So why does it bother you that he asks personal questions when you have previously talked about your "lives"? And why do you "argue" with someone you work with?