i'm the one for her (apparently) but she's not the one for me

hello all, firstly thank you all for taking the time to read this as i have quite the dilemma that is making me so confused.

so ill start with this.

i have a girlfriend of 7 months (im 20, she is 19), not sure if this is even near relevant but i will add i am black and she is white (ill tell you why later why i said this).

for the first 3 months, everything was perfect! id always be on my phone speaking to her, fast replying, going out with her e.t.c i was love struck so i'd say. now, i would say it took around 4-5 months to realise that she wasn't the girl that i imagined to have in my future. now the cause of this feeling is something i find hard to explain but ill give it a shot. firstly id say there isn't much interest when it comes to my personal life/hobbies. i've always wanted someone who boosts me to do better than i already am, as i would do the same. another thing is, i feel like she's holding me because im decent looking. dont get me wrong, she actually does really like me but sometimes i feel like she is keeping me as a trophy. another thing that proves i actually dont love her is because i dont get those feelings in your gut every time you speak to her or butterflies. even when being intimate, i would expect i would feel an aurora around me or something.

oh and about the black and white thing. i've always imagined myself with a black woman. i say this because the lifestyle is different (so i've noticed). i want to say this without any kind of rudeness so excuse me if anything. i feel like i would have more connection/ understanding in terms of way of living e.t.c

my main problem is that i struggle with breaking females hearts, its not me at all!!! i know that if i tell her i dont love her, it will break her. but at the same time, i feel like time is being wasted for both of us. lets not forget she nearly fell pregnant (yes i know, use a condom, ive started). she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and i don't feel the same.

what can i do? i appreciate all the replies by the way, i love how the internet works sometimes lol

It sounds like the honeymoon is over.

To be fair, it's normal that the butterflies don't happen every time you speak to your partner. That isn't realistic. The fact that they're already gone even during intimacy, though, is not a great sign. Your relationship is too young for the chemistry to have dulled that much in the romantic department, too.

It seems that the pregnancy scare was a wake-up call that you don't actually see a future with her. You need to firmly but gently break it off.

lol...sorry, OP, I'm laughing because thinking that breaking up is just going to break the other person is incredibly arrogant and it is absolutely about you. That's quite some ego you've got going on. Look, yes break ups hurt, but then people get over it and move on and find someone else who is more compatible. The real cruelty is not breaking up when you should.

You've realized that you two aren't really compatible, you aren't that into her and there is no future. That's what dating is for - to figure this stuff out. Now that you know, end it. In the grand scheme of things, 7-8 months isn't even that long of a relationship.

Just be firm and clear that it's really over. Don't offer to be friends and don't give her any hope that you might reconsider later. Giving hope is cruel and stops the other person from healing and moving on. In other words, when you want to end things, be calm and clear and don't string them along by trying to soften the blow. It does the opposite and leaves the person even more hurt and confused. Clear and final helps with acceptance and shortens the healing time.

My thoughts are, you're doing more damage by staying with her, rather than walking away. Also, I'm not buying your reason for staying by stating you "don't want to break her heart."

The kindest thing to do is to be honest and break up, instead of wasting her and your time by feeding her false hope. On a lighter note you're being incredibly selfish by continuing to be intimate while knowing you have no feelings towards her, (imo).

Do the right thing, and let her go...

I'd be really upset if someone who didn't really love me stayed with me because they thought I just couldn't handle the disappointment of their leaving.

Please come up with a better reason.

One of two things are happening. As others have pointed out, the honeymoon is over and you've settled into a comfortable coupling. Expecting weak knees and butterflies to continue is wishful thinking.

Or. . at 7 months and the honeymoon high being over, you get to the see the real person and this real person and not the imaginary one you had while you were infatuated is standing before you.

Only you know if it's right or wrong.

Either way do the right thing and if she's not the one, free her to find someone who's absolutely crazy about her.

Sorry to hear this but after dating 7 mos it's ok to realize you're not a good fit with someone. It's best not to string anyone along. Also try to get your feet on the ground a bit. Women will live on and get over it if you break up with them.

i know that if i tell her i dont love her, it will break her. but at the same time, i feel like time is being wasted for both of us. i feel like she is keeping me as a trophy.

If you don't feel it, you simply don't feel it. That's okay but don't string her along because you don't want to 'break" her heart. I mean if she is upset she will get over it.

I agree with the above. If you don't feel attraction towards her, it is maybe best not to keep dating her..

I know this sounds weird especially today, but if you really care about a woman's feelings, you could always date a while before sleeping with her etc...and this will save her a lot of pain after breaking up as most women get really attached ...

At your age, you're not expected to just meet one person and stay with them for the next, what, 60+ years? That just does not happen in modern times.