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BEEN waiting - Is this the right time ???


vintagevilla

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Hi, my friend told me about this place so I thought I would try and ask for advice...

 

 

At the time that me and my ex decided to reconcile , I was ready but I felt overwhelmed by the extreme rush and love that I had for him that I couldn't stay calm. I became extremely manic because we were long distance. He never wanted to have a relationship because we were long distance but truly the real reason for me was that I did not want to be selfish and be greedy with love, I didn't believe I deserved love, I wanted to devote my life to service and helping others instead of love.

 

On the day that I was planning on seeing him, I became impulsive and instead of calling him I went outside and took the hand of a homeless man and bought him a burger at a restaurant. It seems like every time it is getting close to reconciliation, another opportunity for giving comes up . When will this stop? I am older now , in my 40s but I don't see myself with anyone but my ex, this. man that I love with all of my heart.

 

 

Now it s been a few years and we have started talking again. He has expressed that he wants to get back together, but the heart breaking thing is that there is a 5 year old child involved here. He is in a relationship with a woman who has a child and I am in pieces and sad that I do not think I could bring myself to break this up. BUT, I am also thinking he is a small child and the child won't remember.

 

I am just in pieces, I don't know if I should keep in contact with him. He is the love of my life and I believe I am ready for love now. I deserve to be happy and with the man of my dreams. I have waited a long time, but he has solidified that he feels the same way about me as I do about him. HELP!

 

 

How can I pass up a chance of a lifetime here? Am I a bad person for wanting him all to myself and no one else?

 

Thanks.

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Did you ever meet this guy? Did you ever really date? An Internet relationship is not a real relationship. And you should not be trying to break up his family.

 

^^ this

And there is such a thing as bad timing.

The opportunity for this has passed and he has a wife? and child to think of.

 

Both of you are being selfish to even entertain the idea, especially seeing you two had lost contact for years.

Assuming you are both still long distance and maybe have never met, the same issues and then some still remain.

 

You may deserve love, but you aren't entitled to it. Especially from what you have shared, it's even more unavailable now.

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In regards to his 5 year old and his current relationship - this should not be your concern - it is his problem, however, if you did decide to date and properly date, then do expect some backlash from his current partner.

I think before you can make any decisions he needs to sort his life out first and what he wants, I feel it is a cop out if he is thinking he'll only leave her for you right now - you'll most likely end up in a long distance relationship where he is still with his wife as well.

I think everyone deserves love and if you two are meant to be then he would leave his wife because he can't stop thinking about you and you need to realise he is being selfish by stringing her along until he finds someone better - he's wasting her time and ability to find someone who loves her properly; is that the kind of man you want to be with?

 

If it is then he needs to leave her and you two need to suck it up and meet IRL or you'll forever be in this place of limbo.

 

You can be giving to other people whilst also being loved by someone you love.

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OP, you're in your 40's - surely old enough to know right from wrong. There is a young child involved! Don't go messing in other people's relationships for your own selfish reasons. You have no business there. How about showing him YOU have some self-respect and walk away from this? You know, respect and integrity, morals and values and all that good stuff?

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I'd keep feeding the homeless and skip the cyber guy.

 

To me, the statement of the homeless guy reminds me of my ex "I am a very good person!! I give to charity. Hurt animals and children seek me out for help!" he would say stuff like that before he revealed what was bad to sort of justify the bad. So what -- if you buy a sandwich for a homeless guy and brag about it - it does not absolve you from wanting to be a homewrecker and influencing a young child's father to dump mom and run off with her.....

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I really can't believe what responses I have gotten here , If you read my post you will see that he is not the natural father of this little boy, but just dating his mom. He is basically a toddler, how can anyone think that he is the father when I have clearly stated in my post that he is NOT the father.

 

Please do not post on my thread if you are not willing to read what I wrote.

 

Thank you.

 

I believe in trust, compassion, and sacrifice and I am willing to sacrifice the love of my life for this little sweet boy, he is just adorable...

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Hi, my friend told me about this place so I thought I would try and ask for advice...

 

 

At the time that me and my ex decided to reconcile , I was ready but I felt overwhelmed by the extreme rush and love that I had for him that I couldn't stay calm. I became extremely manic because we were long distance. He never wanted to have a relationship because we were long distance but truly the real reason for me was that I did not want to be selfish and be greedy with love, I didn't believe I deserved love, I wanted to devote my life to service and helping others instead of love.

On the day that I was planning on seeing him, I became impulsive and instead of calling him I went outside and took the hand of a homeless man and bought him a burger at a restaurant. It seems like every time it is getting close to reconciliation, another opportunity for giving comes up . When will this stop? I am older now , in my 40s but I don't see myself with anyone but my ex, this. man that I love with all of my heart.

 

 

Now it s been a few years and we have started talking again. He has expressed that he wants to get back together, but the heart breaking thing is that there is a 5 year old child involved here. He is in a relationship with a woman who has a child and I am in pieces and sad that I do not think I could bring myself to break this up. BUT, I am also thinking he is a small child and the child won't remember.

 

I am just in pieces, I don't know if I should keep in contact with him. He is the love of my life and I believe I am ready for love now. I deserve to be happy and with the man of my dreams. I have waited a long time, but he has solidified that he feels the same way about me as I do about him. HELP!

 

 

How can I pass up a chance of a lifetime here? Am I a bad person for wanting him all to myself and no one else?

 

Thanks.

 

I became extremely manic because we were long distance. He never wanted to have a relationship because we were long distance but truly the real reason for me was that I did not want to be selfish and be greedy with love, I didn't believe I deserved love, I wanted to devote my life to service and helping others instead of love.

 

If you do not love yourself, or put yourself above all others how can you possibly love another? What you describe is codependency. If that is not addressed then the relationship will probably fail again. You're going to do what you're going to do. If you don't love yourself, or are not aware of codependency issues it will most likely fail.

 

If he's in a relationship then it's not time to do anything. It's time to move on and let him know that's not ok and set some boundaries.

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I really can't believe what responses I have gotten here , If you read my post you will see that he is not the natural father of this little boy, but just dating his mom. He is basically a toddler, how can anyone think that he is the father when I have clearly stated in my post that he is NOT the father.

 

Please do not post on my thread if you are not willing to read what I wrote.

 

Thank you.

 

I believe in trust, compassion, and sacrifice and I am willing to sacrifice the love of my life for this little sweet boy, he is just adorable...

 

If you believe in "trust" and compassion, then why do you want to chase a guy who is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with you?

A five year old is not a toddler!! Didn't know if you realized. He is a kindergartener who can articulate feelings.

I suggest personal counseling now.

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Do you have zero memory of anything that happened when you were five years old?

 

I remember all the way back to age 3, and you bet I remember things that were alarming, confusing and hurtful.

 

Has this man offered to dump this woman for you?

 

And since you never answered, I'll ask again...have you met this man in person?

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And since you never answered, I'll ask again...have you met this man in person?

 

Hi Bolt! Brand new username posts volumes of soap opera dribble but won't answer a question.

 

Seems to be a pattern lately. Can't speak for anyone else, but I'm not gonna play with anyone who doesn't establish a reasonable posting history.

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This child has a real mother and a real father. Plus this ex is involved with the child's mother. You have nothing to do with any of them. It would be best to address the the mania, as it is causing you a lot of distress.

Please do not post on my thread if you are not willing to read what I wrote.

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Do you have zero memory of anything that happened when you were five years old?

 

I remember all the way back to age 3, and you bet I remember things that were alarming, confusing and hurtful.

 

Has this man offered to dump this woman for you?

 

And since you never answered, I'll ask again...have you met this man in person?

 

Yes, he has offered to dump her for me and yes we have met in person, we dated previously on and off for a while.

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So I would tell him if he decides to end his relationship he can contact you. Unless and until that happens you will not remain in contact. I would not pursue him but instead stay away until he makes his decision.

 

I talked to him yesterday and he said he wants to start as friends. What should I say back??? I mean that is definitely a possibility...:D

 

 

I can see that happening. We've never been friends just chased each other...but I guess I can see how that could be a framework for a successful reconciliation. :D

 

but what about his girlfriend and her son???:icon_sad:I really am reading the fine print on this situation...:eek:

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I talked to him yesterday and he said he wants to start as friends. What should I say back??? I mean that is definitely a possibility...:D

 

So, he's going to end his relationship and start slowly being your friend first?

Or.. . he's staying with his girlfriend and being your friend? If that's the case then you should meet the girlfriend. Because you two are just merely friends, correct?

Look. . if you are the `secret' friend then you are agreeing to more of the same.

 

The same advise applies here. Wish him well and tell him to contact you when and if his relationship is over.

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I talked to him yesterday and he said he wants to start as friends. What should I say back??? I mean that is definitely a possibility...:D

 

 

I can see that happening. We've never been friends just chased each other...but I guess I can see how that could be a framework for a successful reconciliation. :D

 

but what about his girlfriend and her son???:icon_sad:I really am reading the fine print on this situation...:eek:

 

 

NOPE. He is friendzoning you immediately to try and get you as a side piece.

If you were business colleagues who never dated - I can see "starting as friends" - to test the waters to see if you both wanted to risk your jobs but you were already lovers, so "let's start as friends" is baloney. If he is willing to cheat on a woman with a child --- how faithful do you think he will be to you. You need to shut down ALL communication. If someday he is totally single -- has been broken up for quite some time -- 6 months, a year, and you decide to date him, that's one thing, but right now he is looking to monkeybranch and the thrill will wear off. Find an UNATTAÇHED man

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