Grief and trauma and change 2018

I don’t even know how to start or what to say here but writing has always helped me process my feelings and gain some perspective, so I’ll start this and hope it helps.

I lost my mother suddenly and unexpectedly at the end of June. I’m still trying to process this loss and find some peace.

She was very close to me and my 3 children. We are all still stunned and trying to navigate a world without her.

A few days ago by 14 year old daughter was in a freak accident involving a tree falling on her while she was resting in a hammock with her 12 year old brother. She is in ICU with a C Spine injury and will require more surgery and a long recovery and we are unsure of the outcome at this time.

I am at the hospital with her and we have lots of support from friends to help take care of her brothers and bring whatever we may need or want but it’s very exhausting trying to navigate this new world.

My daughter is distraught and in a lot pain, it’s emotionally draining trying to tend to her and see her in such pain. This is a life changing event and we are all struggling with the uncertainty of it all.

My mother would have been the first one to step up and be here for me and my children, without hesitation. I miss her even more and feel her absence even more acutely right now.

I’m struggling to make sense of this as well as the loss of my mother just 2 months ago.

Other stressors- my oldest son is a very bright young man but he struggled with one of his clases last spring and has a failing grade. He is stressed beyond belief at how to fix this situation and it’s hurting his GPA. He is starting to look at colleges and feels very stressed about this failing grade on his transcript. Repeating the class with the same teacher is not a good solution but he may not have a choice if he wants to replace the failing grade. He is very stressed. I was supposed to meet with his counselor this week to discuss options but with his sister in the hospital I don’t know if that will happen.

My job is extremely stressful at the moment and has been for about 6 months and before my mother’s passing and my daughters accident I started to explore my options and try to assess how long I could continue on in the current role. I have reached a difficult place with my job and I know I need to find another job for my own sanity and health but doing so right now is more than I can manage. It may be a moot point in a way since I have run out of leave from the time i took off after my mother’s passing and I’m currently on leave without pay.

Needless to say I’m stressed about finances and don’t know when I’ll be able to return to work or if I will have a job to go back to. Even if I do the work conditions are detrimental to my mental health at this time.

I am not one to whine or have a poor me attitude. I struggle to ask for help or accept help but I am graciously trying to ask and accept in this time of need. And I’m humbled by the outpouring of love and support.

I have good moments and bad moments. I know this pain and stress won’t last forever. I’m a strong person usually but boy this is sure testing me!!

First off I am sorry to hear about the passing of your mum and your daughter’s accident; I think you need a big hug, so (((HUGS)))).

Second, yes the Universe often tests us in extreme ways; it’s tested me too – I lost BOTH my parents in 2014, was still struggling with that when I discovered my then-fiancé was a serious drug addict and I was forced to break our engagement and end our RL of six years.

We were living together so I was forced to find a new apartment as well, FAST.

So that’s not as many things as you are experiencing right now, but it was a hell of a lot to deal with, but you know what?

I eventually made it through to the other side, stronger, wiser, and realizing how strong and resilient I truly am!! Which is a positive!

I also have Biploar 2 but knowing how strong and capable I am now through all I’ve been through, I no longer needs meds and do very well managing my symptoms on my own without the need for meds or even therapy!!

Not sure if you’re asking for advice, but if I have any to give, it’s to stay strong and hang in! You’re doing great. Continue to reach out and seek support (something I did not do after my parents’ died) and paid the price (mentally and emotionally).

But all is well now, I am super happy, have a great job, a new relationship, no complaints!

Remember, life is a journey – sometimes it will take us down some dark paths which are daunting to navigate, but eventually you come to that happy, peaceful place where life becomes grand again, having gained tons of wisdom as you proceed forward on your journey.

But you gotta have faith you’ll get there!

Best of luck and please continue posting.