I'm one of those who loves way too deeply...

Is there anyone else out there who simply loves and cares way too much? How do you live with the people who just don't get it, or the ones who take advantage it?

My confession is: I could never just let go of someone. I always stayed untill it hurts me and then stayed even longer. I even feel sorry for ***holes because I believe everyone has something amazing. I stay in relationships and just keep giving it everything I got. Is that not enough? Let me give you my kidney too. Do you want my soul? No problem! I just don't know how, why or when to stop. Unlike many who have this (the majority of them seems to be females) I am a male who has emotions that go deeper than the Mariana Trench. It scares people because they don't know about it at all. Some people seem to understand me a little bit, only after I tried to explain in 1001 different ways just how my emotions don't have an on/off button. I truly believe I should become an actor really because drama comes so naturally to me. Although others often like to call it drama, I like to call it expression...

Do you feel the same? How do you deal with all this in your life? What obstacles do you come across in life?

You are probably a highly sensitive person - HSP or INFJ personality.

I believe that some people just aren't as sensitive, they are not touched by things as much. They don't experience deep joy or deep pain.

Unfortunately this is about poor self esteem, not altruism. Developing a better sense of self and self respect and boundaries would help. Martyrdom and victim mentalities have to do with wanting control in relationships and expecting people to be beholden to you for your ( mostly unwanted) "help".

I always stayed untill it hurts me and then stayed even longer. Let me give you my kidney too. Do you want my soul? No problem!

It's one thing to love deeply, it's another to let yourself be treated badly in the so called name of love but then turn around and blame others.

You need to stop letting yourself be treated badly. That's not love, that's self abuse. And being a victim or having a victims mentality is not healthy what so ever.

I think before you get into any relationship you need to get more healthy perspectives, perhaps get help on possible depression and gain self esteem.

Blaming others won't help.

If you are a very sensitive person boundaries are even more important.

You might want to ask yourself why you give so much. You don't have to give all of yourself away to be loved, you are enough as it is.

It's one thing to love deeply, it's another to let yourself be treated badly in the so called name of love but then turn around and blame others.

You need to stop letting yourself be treated badly. That's not love, that's self abuse. And being a victim or having a victims mentality is not healthy what so ever.

 

I think before you get into any relationship you need to get more healthy perspectives, perhaps get help on possible depression and gain self esteem.

Blaming others won't help.

I agree.

What you're describing isn't loving behaviour, OP.

OP,

I am concerned the comments in this thread will cause you to think we fail to understand your natural way of being.

To that end, I ask you to consider this:

(1)

The only person whom you can control, change, or govern is yourself. Yes we can influence others, but ultimately, each person has a choice whether to follow or rebel, whether to learn or to remain the same.

Therefore, the solution to everything about ourselves lies within ourselves.

I ask you also to consider this saying:

(2)

Your mind is your instrument. Learn to be its master, not its slave.

OP, If you choose to feel emotions long after the event has passed; if you choose to give "your kidney" in an effort to assist someone else, that is your CHOICE.

It is okay that you make that choice. If and when you do, know that it provides reliable results that are painful to you.

Choose to give yourself at expense to yourself, and choose that pain, if you want.

Or make a different choice.

(3)

Changing how we invest in others, and how much, can be scary. It will take time for you to form differentrelationships, and skills, that reflect your choice to invest yourself without harming yourself. Because change can be scary and because it takes time to change course and feel the benefits, prepare to give yourself encouragement during the transition. To learn skills that will help to interact a new way - as simple as how you talk about plans or paying for coffee - and Consider hiring a coach therapist or other advisor to be your safety net.

You can do this, only if you choose to and if you choose to invest in yourself with the same commitment you invest in others.

It is because you have no self worth. Have you sought therapy.

It's one thing to love deeply, it's another to let yourself be treated badly in the so called name of love but then turn around and blame others.

 

You need to stop letting yourself be treated badly. That's not love, that's self abuse. And being a victim or having a victims mentality is not healthy what so ever.

 

I think before you get into any relationship you need to get more healthy perspectives, perhaps get help on possible depression and gain self esteem.

Blaming others won't help.

Great advice.

I am concerned with the number of rude comments on this thread. I don’t think it necessarily means you have no self worth - I agree with others that it means you’re highly sensitive.

However -

Regardless of your self worth, you need to stop and think if you deserve this treatment. I catch myself doing the same thing (and my self worth is fine) - I just believe anything is fixable and I want to fix it. But sometimes, it’s not, and oftentimes, I deserve more. Stop and realize this and step away.

If we are sacrificing, and holding on to a degree where it is harmful to ourselves, it is poor self esteem.

I did not take these comments as being rude, at all.

If we are sacrificing, and holding on to a degree where it is harmful to ourselves, it is poor self esteem.

 

I did not take these comments as being rude, at all.

Honestly, I found yours rude mostly.

Are you highly sensitive? I am, and I don’t consider it poor self esteem.

Once I became aware I was doing it, I’ve had to consciously step back from my ways and divert away from that kind of behavior.

I do NOT have poor self worth. I just care about everything too much. I feel everything stronger than most people. And I try and fix things. But sometimes it’s not fixable.

So I thought your one liner sweeping statements were rude.

Really. I think you are internalizing. I will repeat, if someone is sacrificing to their own detriment, then it is poor self esteem.

Feeling stronger about things is one thing, sticking around for abusive behavior is another.

I have had poor self esteem and would not have been offended if someone had told me so - if fact, I knew it. Plus, there are many posters that come on here, who openly admit to poor self- esteem. it is common. If we don't recognize an issue, it will never get fixed.

Perhaps, it is due to you high-sensitivity that you found this offensive. My comment was not intended in that manner, simply for the OP to recognize.

I am very sensitive and incredibly passionate about almost everything I do and everyone in my life . Therefore I am easy to hurt . I have always been this way from when I can ever remember . This requires a great deal of boundaries . I would not say at the moment I am lacking in self esteem however I have been at points in my life . I am just a very open and passionate human being . I have however through a lot of therapy learned some very strong boundaries . And I have found that eased up the pain of being hurt because I won’t invest so much as quickly. And if you are not a family member and you hurt me deeply you are out . Done. You never have another chance to hurt me again .

" I always stayed untill it hurts me and then stayed even longer. I even feel sorry for ***holes" This is what I focused on.

I agree with Seraphim. It is about creating boundaries.

Really. I think you are internalizing. I will repeat, if someone is sacrificing to their own detriment, then it is poor self esteem.

 

I have had poor self esteem and would not have been offended if someone had told me so - if fact, I knew it. Plus, there are many posters that come on here, who openly admit to poor self- esteem. it is common. If we don't recognize any issue, it will never get fixed.

 

Perhaps, it is due to you high-sensitivity that you found this offensive. My comment was not intended in that manner, simply for the OP to recognize.

Well, I hold that it may not be due to poor self esteem. It may be, of course, but it doesn’t have to be.

I didn’t find it offensive. I found it rude.

Well, I hold that it may not be due to poor self esteem. It may be, of course, but it doesn’t have to be.

 

I didn’t find it offensive. I found it rude.

Then I apologize if it was rude. It was not my intention.

I think it could have more to do with your deep beliefs rather due to being a highly sensitive person.

I am a highly sensitive person, however, I believe allowing others to take advantage causes more harm to others than good.

Because of this, I do not see allowing others to tramp on others or myself as a virtue, nor a sign of my ability to feel and love.

I don't find these comments offensive at all. Actually I deeply appreciate you all for openly sharing your thoughts.

Now I'm just wondering how can we love ourselves? We don't even know who we are, others show us. We need to love each other! Why do I need to set boundaries if love has no boundaries? I just truly love other people for who they are. They just get scared of the unknown, then leave. What is self esteem when you have no self? If you are selfless? Each time I love someone that person thinks I need something from them. They just think I want to change them because everyone wants to change you. I want to change people sometimes but I'll be willing to stop if somebody would just tell me. We are not aware of our own behavior that's why we need each other to love.

Absolutely love has boundaries.

I feel you, OP. I'm the same way.

I think that you have to learn which people are open to your emotional/caring state of mind and which people are not.

When you can identify the difference, I think you can steer your emotional self away from the "non-takers" and simple give them your stoic friendship - if you choose to give them that time and effort.

But to me, it all comes down to communication. You have to communicate effectively and consistently with someone you care about...from the start. Then apply that sentence above ^^

This will help you avoid the painful "you can't expect everyone to be as emotionally in touch as you are" conversations.

I feel you, OP. I'm the same way.

I think that you have to learn which people are open to your emotional/caring state of mind and which people are not.

When you can identify the difference, I think you can steer your emotional self away from the "non-takers" and simple give them your stoic friendship - if you choose to give them that time and effort.

But to me, it all comes down to communication. You have to communicate effectively and consistently with someone you care about...from the start. Then apply that sentence above ^^

This will help you avoid the painful "you can't expect everyone to be as emotionally in touch as you are" conversations.

I guess you're right. I think this is the piece of advice I was looking for really. Thank you a lot for sharing this with me!

Love shouldn't hurt, despite what some love songs would have us believe. But we as humans are also flawed and make mistakes.

Try to stick with the 3 mistake rule.

If your partner is treating you badly or not how you wished they would, possibly allow their mistakes to happen 3 times. (this is assuming they aren't physically hurting you or being violent, abusive or dangerous towards you).

Make sure you've stated very clearly the first and second time that this is not behavior you will accept and that you will end things if the behavior does not stop.

If it happens the third time, end things and mean it.

Don't keep going back to the same toxic behavior. It does not make you a loving person to do so. You need to also have the strength to leave a bad situation.

Self love is every bit as important.