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Thread: What does he mean?

  1. #1
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    What does he mean?

    So I met this guy on Grindr, I thought he was pretty nice and considerate. He seems to like me, and we've met for 3 times.

    But he told me he broke up with his boyfriend about a month ago, and he's not into a relationship. I can sometimes see him on Grindr, apparently, he's looking for other guys. but every time we meet, he tells me: see you soon, and he seems to want to keep seeing me. why is he so desperately trying to look for other guys?

    I tried to talk to him about his a few times about other guys, he told me to calm down and told me not to ask about that, cause it will hurt me. he told me don't worry he won't hurt my feelings. I think he's being nice. but why is he doing that? I asked him once are you just looking for casual sex, he said "I'm badly not looking for a relationship yet. but something more consistent with the right person would be nice. and fun along the way", what does that mean? he also told me he doesn't want to partner with anybody???

    I don't understand I don't think i want to be in a relationship, but to be friends so that I can learn from someone. But every time we did was sex. I want to be able to hang out like friends. but I asked him if he wants to like go for dinners and hang out, he said its ok to hang out, but I don't want you to think that it would turn into more than just friends.

    but I don't why everytime he tells me to be careful with other guys, it hurts my feelings. feels like I am not good enough and he has to look for other guys???

    I am currently not on Grindr, and not looking for any other guys, it's just so exhausting to stay in the game. one after another disappointment... He told me today that he saw my profile and blocked me because he doesn't want to see me or care about me being online? but I am not on there, I kept telling him. but he said I don't care. I actually wanted to tell him toady that we should end this, i said i've made my decision. just as i want to tell him, he seemed so nervous, i didn't want this to end bad, and he has a heart disease on top of it... So I diverted the topic, and said we can still be friends

    I never met someone so complicated tbh, this is getting very confusing. I honestly don't know if I should continue with him. what's the point of being with this guy who I don't know what he wants? And is he using me for sex?

    give me some help please, I really appreciate it!!!
    Last edited by oliver7794; 08-26-2018 at 05:55 AM.

  2. #2
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    You need to learn some boundaries, OP.

    It's not your business what he does online, and really not your place to question why he's still looking for other guys. You met him three times. He is virtually a stranger to you, and vice versa. However, he likely sees that you get attached too quickly and is trying to maintain some distance with you.

    He's been clear he doesn't want a relationship. I don't know what you don't understand about that? You need to believe him and drop the expectations of something more. Whether or not you choose have sex is up to you, but he's not aiming to be your boyfriend.

    EDIT: It's not the same guy who is moving to Germany, is it?
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    Thanks for the reply, yes it's a different guy...

    he mentioned it today that I was on Grindr, while in fact, I was not?! He told me he was still on Grindr? I didn't stalk him...

    I don't want to just have sex with someone, if he's using me for sex, then maybe I should end this. I want to be able to hang out with someone and learn...

    He seems to be really keen, the first time we met, he kept asking me if we can see each other again. and every time he tells me he wants to see me next time??? and he texts me to ask me yesterday that he wants to hang out? and he tells me that I am cute??? Honestly, I was the one that was not sure i was gonna see him again when we first met. i thought he was nice, and the things that he says, and he calls me baby????

    if he was fake being nice, I'd just end this right now... please help me...

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    And he works in a bank, he saw my broken computer, and he told me he could recover money for me from the bank???
    he mentioned it 2 times. why is he being so nice???

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  6. #5
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    Take a deep breath, man.

    He's not being fake nice. He's flirting. He's looking for fun. But he told you he doesn't want a relationship. That is all that matters. If that's what you want, this isn't your guy. If you don't just want sex, then yes, stop seeing him.

    If I may be honest, I really think you should work on your self-esteem and insecurity more. Going on your past threads, you attach yourself incredibly fast and then start to panic when your feelings are not reciprocated. Your expectations are sky-high after just a few dates (both with this guy and the previous one) and you don't appear to realize you're setting yourself up for disappointment by expecting a relationship so quickly and with men who are clearly looking for something casual. Until you address the underlying issues here, you are going to get hurt again and again.

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    thanks for that

    I do agree that I have to work on my self-esteem and insecurity. I just can't handle and the fact that I have such a soft heart, everytime people treat me nice I feel like its too good to be true and have high expectation...

    so sex is all he wants. but he seems to be so different from the guys I met who just wanted sex, he is being too nice though
    and he said about looking for something more consistent with the right person...
    i don't have any expectation on him at this point. I'll think about that in the next few days and maybe end this "relationship"(don't even know what we are) soon...
    so disappointed, I'm just not meant to be gay...

  8. #7
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    There is no "we" here, my friend. This isn't a relationship to end. You simply stop communicating with him, and if he asks why, you can be honest and tell him that since you know you two don't want the same thing, it's better to go your separate ways.

    He's not a total scumbag to you. He's flirty and he's friendly. That's fine. But it doesn't mean he wants to be your boyfriend. It doesn't matter if he seems different from the others, when he's told you not to expect a relationship.

    It doesn't have anything to do with being gay, in my opinion. I'm a woman and have seen female friends behave like this plenty of times with guys, too. It has a lot more to do with you not pacing yourself and not listening to what these men are telling you. You need to learn to cut and bail the moment a guy indicates he doesn't want anything serious.

    I would take some time off from dating and work on yourself a bit, so that you don't attach so much of your self-worth to the next random match on Grindr.

  9. #8
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    If you're seeking a relationship, isn't grindr more of a hookup website? I'm not a gay guy, so apologies if it isn't, but from what I've gathered from peers, it seems that way.

    What he means by "consistent" is a consistent hook up/friends with benefits. Nothing wrong with that. At least he's being upfront and honest with you rather than lead you on. It's not a gay thing, if anything it's an age thing. Early 20s, even up to 30s, there's a big hook up culture. I get it, it's kind of disheartening when someone just wants to hook up and you don't, but sometimes it happens that way. All we can do is move on from that.

  10. #9
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    "But he told me he broke up with his boyfriend about a month ago, and he's not into a relationship."

    I don't understand why you are questioning why he is looking for other guys? Why are you dating this guy if you are looking for a relationship? You need to listen to what people say, and not what you want.

    This guy is messing with you. He doesn't want you to see his activity. You need to move on from this guy. I also suggest Match, not a hook up site.

    You guys sound like hook up buddies. That's it.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 08-26-2018 at 01:52 PM.

  11. #10
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    I dont think he's interested in you in a sexual or friendly way. I think you need to move on.

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