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Not sure if she’s cheating


nottoosure0

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So me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year now and we get along pretty well, but she’s been getting these sadness streaks and when I ask her about them she says it’s because we don’t have enough intimacy in our relationship. While I’ve tried to fix this problem she’s right and we do have a intimacy problem. Well the other night she got a new phone and she left her old one on the dresser and I saw it going off with a message from a man she works with. While I wouldn’t normally pry it was around 1 am and that bothered me. So I pick up her phone and look at the message and the previous messages to see things like “ can’t wait for us to cuddle again “, nothing but hearts and kissing faces, telling eachother how much they miss eachother, and him sending her a pic of him with a caption of your beautiful. So naturally I freak out and wake her up throwing her phone at her she wakes up in a panic and says that they look bad but he is just that “Guy” that sends that stuff to every girl in his phone and they hang out with everyone else from work including his wife and all cuddle together. I’m not sure what to do we just moved in together and she may be right but it looks bad and i don’t know what to do any advice? Sorry for the big wall of text and terrible grammar thank you

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She cuddles all together with her coworkers? Right.

 

My thoughts exactly! What kind of workplace is this exactly, and if his wife is invited into all the cuddles, why haven’t you been? Lol

 

I say you put her on the spot and ask to join the group cuddles.

 

In all seriousness, though... yeah. She’s cheating. If not physically, then emotionally. She has checked out. I’m so sorry.

 

It sucks - especially right after a move - but unfortunately, such is life. I wouldn’t try to save a rapidly sinking ship.

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You have two options at this point, in my opinion.

 

Option one: you continue confronting her, having bitter, heated exchanges in which she keeps trying to hedge and dodge the truth, in which the irrational part of your brain attempts to half-believe her, in which every day feels a little worse than the one before, until you're finally so shattered and exhausted that the whole thing ends. That could take weeks or months and it'll wring you dry.

 

Option two: call it what it is—she's checked out, disrespected you and the relationship, cheated in some capacity, and it's time to move on.

 

Both get you to the same spot, but option two will get you there with a lot less scarring.

 

The pain you feel right now? It will heal in time, and you'll come out stronger. I speak from experience. But the best thing is to just make plans for the end.

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Yeah, that story seems incredibly implausible. I reckon you should continue to ask her about it, and possibly check and see if her colleagues know anything about these 'cuddle orgies'.

 

I'm fortunate to have never been cheated on (the worst I've had is a girl I was with for a few months flirt with multiple guys), but all I can say is that if she is cheating, you need to give up. If she's willing to cheat on you, it shows that she doesn't respect you, therefore you're better off without her.

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This morning she told me that he was married and that I should talk to him and his wife and they would confirm that it is indeed something he does but is harmless but none the less I still feel she was cheating on me emotionally and I don’t think I can continue. Thank you all for the replies it’s really nice to be around other people who go through things of the same nature

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This morning she told me that he was married and that I should talk to him and his wife and they would confirm that it is indeed something he does but is harmless but none the less I still feel she was cheating on me emotionally and I don’t think I can continue. Thank you all for the replies it’s really nice to be around other people who go through things of the same nature

 

Call her bluff: "Sure, give me his wife's number and I'll forward her your conversation with her husband. Let's do it now." I don't actually recommend going this route, to be clear, but the curious side of me always wonders about people who get caught red-handed and attempt to cover up. It doesn't really even matter if his wife is fine with it or not; what matters is that you are not.

 

In any event, I agree she crossed some boundaries here and knew you would be uncomfortable with it. It's not harmless to your relationship. I don't know under what circumstances coworkers cuddle each other, and send "You're so beautiful" photos and "I miss you" messages - but your girl is full of equine manure. She knows this isn't acceptable, and when you couple her flirtations with decreased intimacy in your relationship, the writing is on the wall.

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I've posted this before. My ex was a 10+ time serial cheater and I've heard every excuse and cover up story under the sun and I can tell you, you're getting feed a load of BS!!. Cheaters will say and do anything to cover it up once they are caught, just like yours is. It's pretty obvious it isn't innocent, it's certainly an emotional affair at the very least.

 

As previously mentioned, call her bluff (like I have many times) and tell her you are going to talk to the mans wife.... You watch how quickly she will back track. Hopefully it's not a situation like I found myself in where the man and wife were in an open relationship and the wife was openly encouraging the affair.

 

I suggest joining some of the affair recovery sites on face book. You'll see many stories and circumstances exactly like yours on a daily basis ....members finding incriminating messages between their partners and work colleagues and the ridiculous excused they are told.

 

 

Always trust your gut feeling, it is almost never wrong and never stay with a cheater. It's a horrible and emotionally demoralizing way to live the only life we are given. Walk away before you waste 25 years of your life like I did. It's hard to do this to someone you love, but it's a lot harder to stay with them if they are a cheater.

 

Good Luck

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I don't know under what circumstances coworkers cuddle each other, and send "You're so beautiful" photos and "I miss you" messages - but your girl is full of equine manure.

 

Equine manure! Lol! I had to think about that one for a moment... Very well put.

 

I agree she is full of equine manure.

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This morning she told me that he was married and that I should talk to him and his wife and they would confirm that it is indeed something he does but is harmless but none the less I still feel she was cheating on me emotionally and I don’t think I can continue. Thank you all for the replies it’s really nice to be around other people who go through things of the same nature

 

Sounds like him and his wife may have an open relationship which means his wife will just confirm that it's something he does with her blessing but it means your girlfriend is just cheating.

 

Dump her.

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Millennials these days will cuddle with anything!

 

All of them? Every single millennial?

 

I do notice you don't like millennials. And I do wonder why that is.

 

Anyway...I doubt it has anything to do with millennials. It has to do with the lack of any kind of caring about her boyfriend's feelings.

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You need to break up since the relationship is struggling with intimacy and now you are throwing phones at her because she's texting/sexting guys. Better to end it than get abusive. Move out. This whole thing will only get worse.

around 1 am and that bothered me. wake her up throwing her phone at her she wakes up in a panic we just moved in together.
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Millennials these days will cuddle with anything!

 

Actually many DO cross platonic relationship boundaries and even sleep with their opposite sex friends while they cuddle. This lax in friendship boundaries does cause a lot of couples the kind of trouble the Op finds himself in.

 

You need to break up since the relationship is struggling with intimacy and now you are throwing phones at her because she's texting/sexting guys. Better to end it than get abusive. Move out. This whole thing will only get worse.

 

Agree!

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If you believe her cuddle story, I have some swamp land to sell you in Florida.

 

But seriously. Let's pretend for a second that she isn't lying and that this is something well known to the guy's wife and work is just one big kumbaya cuddle fest, that doesn't mean she isn't cheating. Even if she is telling the truth (which I very strongly doubt), just because it's ok with the other guy's spouse doesn't mean it's not a betreyal of you.

 

Bottom line, she's cheating. Kick her out.

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