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Thread: Are age gaps the last taboo?

  1. #11
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    Major incompatibilities in relationships happen when one party goes through a major change that the other party can't or won't be able to follow. One person moves and the other one doesn't. One drug addict recovers and the other stays addicted. (Or someone gets a new vice the other doesn't). There is a tragedy and it changes each member in very different ways. All of these can happen to any relationship. Age gaps add an extra one, in that you increase the amount of these kinds of transitions the relationship must weather. One person is still into clubbing or going out often, while the other grows out of it and wants to settle down.

    I am not making a judgement on YOUR relationship, but the other issue is that there is such a power imbalance, that these types of relationships are more likely to be abusive.

    It is for these two reasons that I don't think it is the same as the other taboos you mentioned. On the other hand, the social makeup of society can have an effect on even these. If the economy were flatter, putting older and younger members of society pretty even in terms of wealth, say, some system where younger members are given a significant allowance, and older members are heavily taxed, that would lessen the chance for those power imbalances that enable abuse. Similarly, medical or health/nutrition improvements can push back those ages where energy drops, enabling those later transitions to happen further on.

    Or, you know. If life expectancy drops, and having as many babies as possible becomes the most important part of relationships again, then you will see this taboo go away. Because the values are different.

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would shrug at 25 and 42. I don’t care. The young person is mentally an adult. But 18 and 80 just hell no. Gross.

  3. #13
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jakesv
    Larry Ellison is married to a 20-something and he's 73. But he's a billionaire. For some reason, billionaires and movie stars get to be an exception to the "EWWW" rule. Why?
    I'm not sure where you get that from because believe me, 73 and 20 is very very very high on the EWWWW scale! Ugh.

  4. #14
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    Personally, I want someone that understands my generational references and is in the same life stage. I get some people don’t care about that. As long as the age gap is not spanning 2 and 3 generations and the younger has a mentally adult brain ie 25 and over. No biggie.

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jakesv
    she's going to make a great wife to someone some day.

    But at least I get to have some time with this amazing person for a few years now...
    I find this very interesting. Is she aware that your plans are to spend some years with her (if it works out) and then break up? Is she just some eye-candy for you to parade around? Just curious.......

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Funny that you describe this as the last taboo. Speaking in broad brushstrokes here, men have been dating younger for...well, for just about forever. I don't think people really care about it in the way they once shunned homosexuality or inter-racial romance, but maybe the eyebrow that was always raised internally is now just less hidden.

    Perhaps some of the friction you're describing is the result of society becoming more equal—not perfect, by any means, but a far cry from the 1950s when a lot of proto-male bs wasn't called out. Today it's different. So when you have, say, a certain type of man (30s/40s, decent looking, successful, into his own hobbies, etc.) dating someone in, say, her mid-20s (likely attractive, but still very much coming into her own) it's hard not to make some unsavory assumptions about the dynamic. The man gets judged a bit for not having the confidence to date an equal, and the woman gets judged a bit for dating a dude who doesn't want to date an equal.

    Curious: Does your gf feel "stared at" primarily by men or women?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    25-42, hmmm, well what would make that difficult is that she has yet to have many life experiences and you have had far more.

    I also think that if you ever brought children into the situation that there would be problems as well as you will be aging much faster than their mother.

    Normally in your situation what I have personally witnessed, is that the 25 year old will eventually find a man her age whom she finds attractive and then she will wonder why she is with you. She could potentially get bored and will want more experiences with people her own age.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I find this very interesting. Is she aware that your plans are to spend some years with her (if it works out) and then break up? Is she just some eye-candy for you to parade around? Just curious.......
    This is interesting.

    I've tended to date younger. When I was 31 she 25; when I was 35 she was 23. A lot of fun was had, and there were a lot of commonalities. Still, I think on a subconscious level I was choosing people where I knew there was a shelf-life, as it sounds like you are. I was ready to be a good boyfriend, but not quite a partner. Still had some growing up to do of my own. Now that I'm more interested in partnership, it's hard for me to imagine dating someone under 30.

    How do you think your gf of a year would feel if she read what you just wrote?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    That tends to be the under lying issues though, no? Older man not ready for anything serious so he chooses a younger woman to have fun with? Or he doesn't choose a woman his age because he's not matured enough to handle that.

    Again, I realize it sounds like generalizations, however there are some truths to it.

  11. #20
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    25/42 isn't horrible. I mean, at least she has been a legal adult for 7 years. Presumably has some kind of settled career? And if you're a younger-looking, athletic 42, it isn't that bad. 20 year old and a billionaire 72 year old is pretty gross. You know that she didn't marry him because she loves having wild sex with him (sorry for being so graphic!!) She's basically like an escort he's renting until he dies and then leaves her all his money.

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