Bosses criticism is draining my enthusiasm

I notice over the past few weeks my boss has not missed an opportunity to criticise me and it’s getting to the point where I can’t hide my distaste for it.

We had a deadline for next month which has now become this month but I don’t recall being told about it moving. My boss sat down with me at the beginning of this week to say that I had a contract deadline to meet in addition to this other new deadline before I go on holiday and that he will be accountable for it if it doesn’t get done so he will be making sure I get it done on time, that everyone else has done their projects even though they have harder projects. He said that I should have done x, y and z already and that I’m holding other people up. Naturally I didn’t feel too good about that. The next day he came and told me about a few things that I hadn’t done that need to be done, that are little jobs (yeah right).

So I thought obviously he has an issue with my performance, I will show him that I can get this job done and make sure he knows he doesn’t have to worry about it.

Next week I am supposed to be on holiday but I rearranged so that I can make the new deadline in the hope that would show my boss I am putting in the effort to pull my weight. Boss was off for 2 days I kept him abreast of where I was at and told him I would be taking my holiday after the deadline instead.

Today he was back in, I had submitted the first part to see what amendments were required. I think today he has sent me an unusual amount of emails giving me stuff to do that isn’t a priority then spent about 3 hours of the last part of the day quizzing me on bits and pieces about the work I submitted, that I have already told him about, which required me to open models, he then came over and started complaining that I had too many windows open on my computer when I had them open to answer his questions! At this point I just wanted to scream. Then he starts telling me how everyone is behind and cant submit their work because of little jobs I haven’t done yet, even though there are little jobs the others haven’t done yet which are showing up on my work! Didn’t stop me submitting it. Also if I’m so behind everyone else why are they submitting it after me?

He gave me some amendments to get done for my submission which I started and subsequently overheard another colleague say that the amendment was pointless.

I’m starting to feel like he’s making an extra effort to constantly tell me I’m performing terribly in comparison to the others. He will give me amendments and tasks that are so petty and unnecessary and will delay the job by hours each time and then complain that things aren’t getting done. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I just came home and cried. Maybe it works for some people but criticism doesnt incentivise me to perform better. I don’t even want to go back in next week. I want to get the work done but I know that he will be wasting so much of my time complaining to me I won’t be able to focus as much as I want.

I feel like I’m putting in the effort and trying hard to motivate myself and his regular criticisms are working against that. I’m just left thinking why bother if nothing’s ever satisfactory for him?

Sorry I don’t know if I should even be that upset I just needed to get it off my chest.

Ugh! I need a cup of tea.

that he will be accountable for it if it doesn’t get done so he will be making sure I get it done on time, that everyone else has done their projects even though they have harder projects. He said that I should have done x, y and z already and that I’m holding other people up

This isn't criticism that's personal. if other people are working on projects that depend on yours being complete, it simply is at face value -- you need to get it done. Your boss is probably under stress, too, because if you don't get the job done, it shows poorly on him. I would have continued to work on the project instead of submitting the first part and sitting around waiting for him unless approval is required before you start part 2. just get it done - on time or preferably ahead of time so you have time to make changes if need be before you leave.

you say that criticism doesn't incentivise you _ what does?? If someone has a problem with your performance or wants to light a fire under you, are they supposed to hand you a cookie? I would not take it personal - i would take it as constructive feedback and i would get the job done. If you quit because you couldn't meet a deadline because the boss was on you to complete the project, you won't necessarily find it better anywhere else. your boss will ease up if you get it done.

 

I’m starting to feel like he’s making an extra effort to constantly tell me I’m performing terribly in comparison to the others. He will give me amendments and tasks that are so petty and unnecessary and will delay the job by hours each time and then complain that things aren’t getting done.

yatsue, I hate to say this but from what's written above, specifically the bolded, it almost seems like he's intentionally setting you up to fail.

Giving you such petty tasks that result in your delaying the important task, then complaining the important task isn't getting done timely enough! You can't win in that type of scenario.

Would you have any idea why he would want to set you up to fail? In my experience this is what employers do prior to firing someone. They set them up to fail, then when they fail, they fire them.

I HOPE that is not the case but that is what it sounds like to me. Or the guy is just a bona fide arse!

May I ask what is it you do? Just curious.

Anyway, don't cry, go get yourself a cup of tea, and maybe take a long walk.

Maybe starting thinking about getting another job?

yatsue

that he will be accountable for it if it doesn’t get done so he will be making sure I get it done on time, that everyone else has done their projects even though they have harder projects. He said that I should have done x, y and z already and that I’m holding other people up

 

This isn't criticism that's personal. if other people are working on projects that depend on yours being complete, it simply is at face value -- you need to get it done. Your boss is probably under stress, too, because if you don't get the job done, it shows poorly on him. I would have continued to work on the project instead of submitting the first part and sitting around waiting for him unless approval is required before you start part 2. just get it done - on time or preferably ahead of time so you have time to make changes if need be before you leave.

 

you say that criticism doesn't incentivise you _ what does?? If someone has a problem with your performance or wants to light a fire under you, are they supposed to hand you a cookie? I would not take it personal - i would take it as constructive feedback and i would get the job done. If you quit because you couldn't meet a deadline because the boss was on you to complete the project, you won't necessarily find it better anywhere else. your boss will ease up if you get it done.

That’s the thing, these aren’t projects that need to be completed for others to submit, they are little tweaks that anyone could do and we are all have some of these little things outstanding. Not just me. I submitted mine with some of these little things outstanding (that others haven’t completed) and he highlighted them and asked me to change all the ones necessary for my submission and then starts harping on about how I haven’t done the stuff for everyone else as though everyone else has completed everything.

We are submitting multiple items for the projects, which are all related and they must be checked for errors before official submission. I’m not waiting around at all, I submitted the work and got on with the next stage, or at least I tried, since he kept bombarding me with questions then had a go at me for having the necessary models on my desktop to answer the questions???

Generally being told in black and white what needs to be done and by when, with emphasis on the importance of the task works to incentivise me. I can’t take something as constructive feedback when it is not constructive or a one/two off thing. I took it as that initially and rearranged my holiday etc but he is literally interjecting when I’m in the middle of my work to criticise little things that don’t make sense to be critiqued.

If he has a problem with my performance then it should be expressed in a review or disciplinary if necessary but to stop me in my work to say this needs doing and btw you’re doing poop multiple times a day is just weird. It’s actually slowing me down quite a bit plus the frustration of it is taking focus away from my work.

I don’t think any of us will get these things done by the deadline because we were working towards next month then the deadline was changed (without us being told). Boss wants everything perfect rather than simply good enough but we can’t afford to do that. The whole thing would have been wrapped up months ago otherwise. I would say I won’t leave before I finish the deadline but at this rate I don’t think it will ever get done by any of us on time.

???????????

LOL, yeah I just saw that, my bad and thornz my sincerest apologies!

Context of the post was correct though and meant for thornz.

yatsue, I hate to say this but from what's written above, specifically the bolded, it almost seems like he's intentionally setting you up to fail.

 

Giving you such petty tasks that result in your delaying the important task, then complaining the important task isn't getting done timely enough! You can't win in that type of scenario.

 

Would you have any idea why he would want to set you up to fail? In my experience this is what employers do prior to firing someone. They set them up to fail, then when they fail, they fire them.

 

I HOPE that is not the case but that is what it sounds like to me. Or the guy is just a bona fide arse!

 

May I ask what is it you do? Just curious.

 

Anyway, don't cry, go get yourself a cup of tea, and maybe take a long walk.

 

Maybe starting thinking about getting another job?

Yes I’m definitely thinking about getting another job. I do feel a bit better now after I had a shower and face mask. Washed it out of my hair lol.

He invited me to apply for a promotion a short while ago so doesn’t seem likely he is going to fire me though it has been on my mind.

I’m a Design Engineer, basically I make models of systems then use the models to make drawings so the system can be manufactured. I actually LOVE the work, just certain individuals make the work environment not very nice and lately my boss has become one of them.

He wants everything to be perfect but we don’t have time for perfect. There have been so many hold ups and delays because of this. You can’t get him to make a decision even when it is imperative to a deadline. He does ask everyone to make petty changes but I feel like one or two particular things were exceptionally petty even by his standards, particularly when they are little things it would be easier and quicker for him to do himself.

I feel like he is overlooking the fact that we need to do these things quickly and focusing on the little details that aren’t important in the short term. Does it matter that one drawing has a comma missing from the same note as another when your job is at stake? Really? Does it? Apparently it does if you’re my boss 😂

I think you're missing the forest for the trees. In other words, your boss is just trying to jerk you around. Maybe he gets a reaction from you. Maybe you're the only one that actually does what he says. I don't know what the reason is, but I would tell you that it might make it a lot easier if you just assume everything your boss is telling you about deadlines and stuff is a lie. He already told you he's considering you for a promotion. So you're doing a good job. And if you miss a deadline, it's him who's missing the deadline, not you. It's him doing a poor job of managing his people, not you.

I've had several jobs like this. You just grin and bear it. The company is paying you for your labor, your boss represents the company, you do what the boss wants.

So just go along with it.

I would have advised you not to change your time off, but it did show you were dedicated (if your boss cares).

I've worked for a lot of insecure people. You just show him what you can do and just deal with it. Don't take it personally. It's just work. You're being paid for your time. Put in your time and just do what you're told to do. Let him worry if a comma makes a difference. Remember this when one day you're the boss with people under you.

I think you're missing the forest for the trees. In other words, your boss is just trying to jerk you around. Maybe he gets a reaction from you. Maybe you're the only one that actually does what he says. I don't know what the reason is, but I would tell you that it might make it a lot easier if you just assume everything your boss is telling you about deadlines and stuff is a lie. He already told you he's considering you for a promotion. So you're doing a good job. And if you miss a deadline, it's him who's missing the deadline, not you. It's him doing a poor job of managing his people, not you.

 

I've had several jobs like this. You just grin and bear it. The company is paying you for your labor, your boss represents the company, you do what the boss wants.

 

So just go along with it.

 

I would have advised you not to change your time off, but it did show you were dedicated (if your boss cares).

 

I've worked for a lot of insecure people. You just show him what you can do and just deal with it. Don't take it personally. It's just work. You're being paid for your time. Put in your time and just do what you're told to do. Let him worry if a comma makes a difference. Remember this when one day you're the boss with people under you.

I don’t think he’s enjoying jerking me (or others around) I think he has no confidence in his own decisions and has no confidence in my ability to meet the deadline (which unfortunately is likely a self fulfilling prophecy) so is focusing on silly little things that aren’t important.

I am feeling very demotivated and not looking forward to going back. Think I will go in early to get the little jobs done before he arrives and starts distracting me with his chirping lol. Then I will pray he leaves me alone to get the big things done without picking out 10 not very important things to modify and delay the project.

I would love to see it as just a job but unfortunately I have really struggled to get where I am and my performance at work has an impact on my self esteem. Being constantly told by him (and a total A hole uhm I mean colleague) that I’m underperforming is making me feel pretty poop tbh. Then I can’t focus, my work suffers and I perform poorly in my own eyes too. Then I really feel bad 😞

So how do I overcome that in the short term whilst I look for a new job? I’ve never worked anywhere with this kind of attitude before and it’s not for me. I don’t have the self esteem to ripped to shreds at work every day.

Sounds like micromanaging, where each micro step gets changed on you, but only in his mind, until he decides to let you know what that micro change is. And in the end, those teensy tweaks probably have very little to do with the outcome of the project.

BTDT with micromanaging bosses. Ugh.

Is the promotion that you've been asked to apply for under this same boss? If not, is it under someone else for whom you have respect? If so, then I'd high-tail it over there.

Until then, the only way to cope is to anticipate these micro changes prior to him asking, but hold off on doing them until asked. That way, when you're asked, you can whip out the changes much quicker, but he gets to still feel like he's in control.

I'd ask him something like, "Do you think we can get a rhythm going where you mark up Part 1 while I finish Part 2? I can work Part 1 markups while you mark up Part 2, and after I work those we can review all corrections together before I submit the final?"

People come out sideways under pressure. I'd make it my goal to learn how to keep my cool when others melt down. It will make you worth more money down the road.

De-personalize.

Is there a company manual or HR department? Is there a place where the policies are outlined regarding work hours, overtime, vacation time, etc? Is your exact job description outlined anywhere or available from HR or the company website? Follow your job description to the letter dot the I's cross the T's.

What does your last review state? Was there a mention of you lagging behind the other employees or does he make this up ad hoc? Be polite and professional but do not be derailed by micromanaging and capricious changes in the work description or timelines. Document everything. Everything. Every comment everything you did and when, every conversation with him etc. Keep an exact log of your work when it started when it was completed who it was sent to etc.

Do not defend yourself or cower, rather ask questions such as specifics who, what, where, when, how, etc. Make him spell it out, so he can't recant. That's the only way to trip him up with contradictions, whims or if he's bullying or harassing you specifically. If he's a turdhead to everyone, not much you can do, except document the facts to fend him off..

Do not defend yourself or cower, rather ask questions such as specifics who, what, where, when, how, etc. Make him spell it out, so he can't recant. That's the only way to trip him up with contradictions, whims or if he's bullying or harassing you specifically. If he's a turdhead to everyone, not much you can do, except document the facts to fend him off..

Is it necessary to view the guy as an adversary rather than someone who's mishandling stress? Is boss's latest behavior typical or is he acting out during a pressure cooker situation?

The guy either didn't know, or he miscommunicated, a shorter deadline date than your team had planned. So rather than demonstrating resistance and frustration to a panicked person's behavior, which only amplifies their panic and intensifies the behavior you don't like, try ramping down your own frustration and temporarily expanding your hours to work 'around' the panicked person.

This will get you in front of your own work and buy you the patience and cool headedness to interact and support boss as he sees fit during normal working hours. Then you're positioned to suggest better workflow AND feel competent rather than flustered by increased pressure.

Well I put some suggestions into practice and it helped to some extent but I find myself getting so angry at the way things are going at work due to him being so anal and incompetent that I am going to look for work elsewhere. The level of overtime we are expected to do is not sustainable or healthy and is absolutely the opposite what I agreed to when I was in interview for the job. I specifically raised that the overtime expectations at a prior job clashed with my studies and I was looking for a job that had minimal expectations for overtime. 5 months in we got a project required 4 of us to meet deadlines that were not realistic. The 4 of us were working ridiculous hours and 9 months later we’re required to do hideous amounts of overtime, often pulling 13 hour days for weeks on end for this whole period. I drove past work on Sunday and my colleague was still parked up. He has worked until 10/11 at night for very many weeks and by the looks of it all weekend. Now my studies have started again I won’t be able to do overtime but I am pretty certain my workload won’t go down to suit that reduced time I have. My boss made my colleague reprint a drawing for him to mark because he had stapled it “and it would get creased when he turned the pages”. Our jobs are dependent on this deadline and this is how we’re spending our precious time. Wasting paper and ink to reprint a drawing that will be scrawled over anyway. I dispair! All I can do is work hard, try and keep my cool (I was in tears at work last week because I was so frustrated and stressed out with it) and try find a place with better hours and hopefully a better manager.