a wobbly weekend perhaps - schizophrenic thoughts incoming

Hi guys!

Thanks for your patience :-)

I think I actually want your attention and SYMPATHY this evening. That is what I feel I need. I have a history of schizophrenia, and a couple of weeks ago (the week after the 28 July), I noticed a schizophrenic thought. The past couple of days, I have been noticing a few more of these, and it bothers me. It is not how I want to live my life.

I have written to my psychologist tonight about the possible causes of this new way of thinking, and whether we need to bring forward our appointment, and I scheduled the email to send 8:00 am Monday morning so she doesn't worry about me over the weekend. It felt good to write this email.

I also plan to ring my Mum in the morning and tell her about what is going on, because in the past I have found that opening up to people close to me helps to reduce the intensity of the potential psychosis.

What else has helped in the past? A good sleep routine, regular balanced meals, lots of 'getting out of my head' by talking, writing etc.

Apart from that, what I would really like right now, is a HUG :-) Thanks!

I hope you are well!

Chai xx

I cannot offer any insight from personal experience, as I have never faced this condition myself. But good for you for reaching out to your doctor, OP. Giving your mother a call is also a great idea. It takes a lot of self-awareness to even take those steps, so that's awesome.

I have a dear family friend who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia many years ago now, and while she is very resistant to medication and the traditional course of therapy, she finds great solace in her artwork. Granted, it's not enough to truly keep her condition under control, but it seems to help her when things get particularly difficult.

Perhaps it would help if you talked about the thoughts you're having, either here or in a private journal. If you feel comfortable sharing, there might just be someone here who can identify with what you are thinking or feeling.

If it’s truly schizophrenia, then you have my most heartfelt sympathy.

But I do have a question: do you see a psychiatrist? You say “psychologist”, but do you mean “psychiatrist”?

Are you on medication?

I hope you feel better soon and I am sorry you are struggling!

I am so pleased and impressed to hear that you are recognizing your thought patterns and taking steps to help yourself. That is awesome! One of the biggest challenges that people with mental health issues face is reaching out. Good for you for being your own advocate. You should be proud!

My only advice is not to wait to send the email. Send it now. Maybe a spot will open up - or if they don’t know about it - they could give a spot away today... He/she is a professional. They have processes they follow. You won’t ruin her weekend. If something is going on they arrange for backups, etc. I would send the email now.

you sound like you handling this in a great manner. Great that you are reaching out to the Dr. and family.

Are you on meds? Please send the email now.

Big hug!

If it’s truly schizophrenia, then you have my most heartfelt sympathy.

 

But I do have a question: do you see a psychiatrist? You say “psychologist”, but do you mean “psychiatrist”?

 

Are you on medication?

Hey LHGirl!

I did mean psychologist, and I do see a psychiatrist, although the last time was the end of 2016. He recommended that I cut down my medication from 600mg to 400mg, which I did (in 50 mg increments - as I am very physically sensitive to changes in medication) over the next 12 - 15 months. The last reduction was around January this year.

I have read that it can take sometimes six months to feel the full effects of a drop in medication, so it may be that I need a little more, but I do have other ideas of what might be contributing (diet, stress, grief maybe) to this episode. These other kinds of factors have contributed in the past.

My current support team is an excellent GP (doctor), a psychologist (who I see once every six weeks or so) and a psychiatrist. Thanks for the prompt. I did think that if this persists, I will go to my doctor to get a referral to my psychiatrist. I think he will be able to give me good information about the potential impact of a (completely) new diet.

The matter is further confused by the fact that my medication raises levels of prolactin, which is not so good for my heart and bones etc, so there is definitely the need to be on the lowest effective dose. I might just need to up it by 50 mg or so. But yes, I will need his advice. Thank you for yours!!

I cannot offer any insight from personal experience, as I have never faced this condition myself. But good for you for reaching out to your doctor, OP. Giving your mother a call is also a great idea. It takes a lot of self-awareness to even take those steps, so that's awesome.

 

I have a dear family friend who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia many years ago now, and while she is very resistant to medication and the traditional course of therapy, she finds great solace in her artwork. Granted, it's not enough to truly keep her condition under control, but it seems to help her when things get particularly difficult.

 

Perhaps it would help if you talked about the thoughts you're having, either here or in a private journal. If you feel comfortable sharing, there might just be someone here who can identify with what you are thinking or feeling.

Thanks so much MissCanuck! Really appreciate your input and wise words. I am definitely very lucky that my condition has been pretty manageable up until now. I am sorry about your family friend. I also have friend from high school who has paranoid schizophrenia too. I guess she must be resistant to medication, because it doesn't seem to work for her, but I do wonder if she has fallen through the cracks a bit. If I said some of the things she does on social media, and behaved like that, I am pretty sure someone in my family would step in and insist on intervention. She doesn't seem to get any help whatsoever. And I can't try to help her anymore because she took offence to a photo that included a fairy doll on my wall the other week and blocked me on social media (she thought it looked like a kkk doll).

I really appreciate your suggestion about writing these 'funny' thoughts in a journal or here in this thread. I think it might be a little bit pushing out of my comfort zone, but as these thoughts are relatively familiar and predictable (and a bit odd - that's what bothers me about them), it might help to try and process them by writing about them on ENA (or in a journal). I think I will definitely consider this, after I have got through my initial replies. Thanks so much!

I hope you feel better soon and I am sorry you are struggling!

Thanks so much Batya! I am definitely feeling a lot better this morning :-) Sleep is always good!

I do need to monitor this situation closely and get medical assistance, but some of that foundation stuff (regular meals, sleep, social connection) can really help too!

I am so pleased and impressed to hear that you are recognizing your thought patterns and taking steps to help yourself. That is awesome! One of the biggest challenges that people with mental health issues face is reaching out. Good for you for being your own advocate. You should be proud!

 

My only advice is not to wait to send the email. Send it now. Maybe a spot will open up - or if they don’t know about it - they could give a spot away today... He/she is a professional. They have processes they follow. You won’t ruin her weekend. If something is going on they arrange for backups, etc. I would send the email now.

Thanks RedDress! It is so nice to have learnt to observe some of these symptoms with a degree of self awareness. I have 6 years of psychological therapy to thank for that at least!

Reaching out can be hard, I agree. I have learnt though, over time, that certain tactics do help, and so when these kinds of 'thoughts' crop up again, I have this whole toolbox of strategies that I know can help. Reaching out is one of those things!

After writing that last reply to Batya and chatting on the phone to my Mum, I actually do feel a bit wobbly. With regard to the email to my psychologist, I am almost certain that she will not do anything with this until Monday. I will also have to wait until either Monday or Thursday to see my GP to get a referral to my psychiatrist. I do have the option of calling a triage, but in my experience the QUALITY of the care that I will receive if I wait to get help from my mental health team will be much better.

I do know that I have that option though, and if this escalates, I will certainly ring the triage to get support and set up these appointments. In the meantime, I think that I am going to write to my tutor to get an extension for my SEO assignment, because I feel like I need to concentrate on mindful activities rather than intense cognitive work this weekend!

Thanks again for your thoughts :-) Really appreciate the opportunity to talk this through!

you sound like you handling this in a great manner. Great that you are reaching out to the Dr. and family.

 

Are you on meds? Please send the email now.

 

Big hug!

Hey Hollyj!

Thanks so much for your support and especially the ((hug))!! :-D

I do take medication - an antipsychotc called solian, which is very effective for me.

Think that I might get out into the world and do something mindful like go shopping for a bunch of flowers, and observe / document / photograph anything interesting I see in my neighbourhood.

It is a beautiful day outside, so I think that this will be the best medicine for today!

Will check in with you all a bit later. Thanks so much again for your support.

Cheers :-)

Chai

Big {{{HUG}}} to you, Chai.

With regard to the email to my psychologist, I am almost certain that she will not do anything with this until Monday.

This is the stuff of trying to think FOR your therapist instead of providing timely information and allowing the professional to be the professional. Being a good reporter enables your care team to make the best possible suggestions based on truths rather than operating 'around' your suppositions.

I hope this finds you well rested and feeling better.

Big {{{HUG}}} to you, Chai.

 

 

 

This is the stuff of trying to think FOR your therapist instead of providing timely information and allowing the professional to be the professional. Being a good reporter enables your care team to make the best possible suggestions based on truths rather than operating 'around' your suppositions.

 

I hope this finds you well rested and feeling better.

Thanks for your feedback @catfeeder. I think you make a good point, and I will send the email now.

Also, thanks for your support and hugs! Appreciate it :-)

Does it make any difference that after I got off the phone / finished writing here I made an appointment with my doctor for Monday morning?! Hehe.

I still feel pretty terrible, but it is actually more in my body now, like a kind of nausea. My mum and I were talking about the low-carb thing a bit more. The CSIRO suggests less than 50 g of carbs a day, but I have been doing more like Keto, or less than 20 g a day. As carbohydrates are our brains (only) fuel, unless forced to use 'ketone bodies' if you eat low carb, I would think that this could be a pretty big factor in my general sense of being physically and mentally unwell lately.

My mum suggested I start eating a (little) more carbs, and I think I will do that - start eating CSIRO breakfasts instead of nuts and seeds. It might help!

I know that this is kind of 'guessing' @catfeeder, and you are right, I shouldn't make assumptions until I have consulted with a professional, but I do have a degree in nutrition so I do have some skills in this area!

Oooh! Headache :-/

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Does it make any difference that after I got off the phone / finished writing here I made an appointment with my doctor for Monday morning?! Hehe.

Hah! Yes, and your sense of humor is lovely.

My point was not that you can't make educated decisions for yourself, which you're doing beautifully. My point was merely to avoid any withhold of information AND to avoid overstepping your scope by making assumptions about how a care provider will respond.

That sets you up to operate on faulty information (that YOU create) rather than allowing yourself to learn some REAL options. It also prevents your provider from asking sets of questions that tap a direction you didn't see coming.

This is a typical habit of most of us, BTW, and it's called a 'paradigm lock'. We get fixed into a pattern of limited information and tend to self diagnose and self prescribe long before we've touched a phone. By the time we actually speak with an expert, we're bringing them into a dialog we've been having with ourselves for quite a while.

That's too much work and unnecessary stress. Your basic self care is within your scope of expertise, not only because of your research, but also because your feedback is immediate. Adding nutrition to your scope of expertise is fabulous, and again, your feedback will be immediate.

But it makes no sense to 'imagine' feedback from a professional and operate accordingly. And it REALLY makes no sense to say that I don't want to trouble, bother or worry and expert in their own field until the day I'VE decided that they 'should' conduct their business!

Hah! People who enter the healthcare fields are perfectly capable of managing their own schedules, darling--but they are not psychic and cannot help you if you withhold information.

((((HUG))))

Cat

Hah! Yes, and your sense of humor is lovely.

 

My point was not that you can't make educated decisions for yourself, which you're doing beautifully. My point was merely to avoid any withhold of information AND to avoid overstepping your scope by making assumptions about how a care provider will respond.

 

That sets you up to operate on faulty information (that YOU create) rather than allowing yourself to learn some REAL options. It also prevents your provider from asking sets of questions that tap a direction you didn't see coming.

 

This is a typical habit of most of us, BTW, and it's called a 'paradigm lock'. We get fixed into a pattern of limited information and tend to self diagnose and self prescribe long before we've touched a phone. By the time we actually speak with an expert, we're bringing them into a dialog we've been having with ourselves for quite a while.

 

That's too much work and unnecessary stress. Your basic self care is within your scope of expertise, not only because of your research, but also because your feedback is immediate. Adding nutrition to your scope of expertise is fabulous, and again, your feedback will be immediate.

 

But it makes no sense to 'imagine' feedback from a professional and operate accordingly. And it REALLY makes no sense to say that I don't want to trouble, bother or worry and expert in their own field until the day I'VE decided that they 'should' conduct their business!

 

Hah! People who enter the healthcare fields are perfectly capable of managing their own schedules, darling--but they are not psychic and cannot help you if you withhold information.

 

((((HUG))))

Cat

Thanks so much Cat!! I really resonate with a lot of what you said. Especially the part about this 'paradigm lock'. I definitely have a tendency to do this. And even now, when I am feeling a MILLION times better and have run through my basic tests for whether I am trending towards a psychotic state of mind (there is a particular topic or thought that alerts me to the fact that this is happening - and I can test it), I am starting to think to myself 'maybe I don't need to see my psychiatrist'... and already starting to think about all the things I will say to my doctor tomorrow to diffuse the situation! Haha. Just as you said!

I guess as human beings we tend to hope that everything will turn out okay and to avert the kinds of uncomfortable and lets face it, unfun experiences with the medical professions! However, I think that becoming more AWARE of this kind of thing through conversations with people like yourself, helps me to understand that this way of thinking doesn't necessarily serve my best interests and I would perhaps do better to let go of this trying to 'control' the situation by withholding or diminishing information.

FACT: Friday night I noticed that I was having a schizophrenic thought

FACT: I noticed a couple of (minor) other schizophrenic thoughts earlier in that day

FACT: At pretty much exactly the same time in my menstrual cycle last month I had a signficant schizophrenic thought

FACT: On Saturday, I was completely wobbly and feeling a bit 'out of my own body'. After I ate (a low carb meal), I felt worse, but after I drank a kombucha (10g carbs a bit later), I did feel quite a bit later

FACT: I have been eating low carb for 5 months, with another reduction in carbs maybe a month ago (I am not sure exactly when - need to check somehow)

FACT: The last reduction of my antipsychotic medication happened in January and I didn't notice any escalation of psychotic thoughts until now

Sorry for all the detail! Just wanted to articulate (get down) the FACTS. :-) Rather than my value judgment or assessment of what is happening.

Thanks again and ((hugs)) to you too! Have a great day / night!

:-) Chai

I am tired. . . It is 7:13 am. I got out of bed around 6 am, because I wanted to be good, but sleep probably would have been a better deal.

Perhaps because I am so tired, I am not 'buying into' any of these schizophrenic thoughts this morning. They are coming regularly regularly and my mind is just going 'yeah, whatever', which is a good sign. I think if I have the capacity to stand outside my thoughts and also diffuse them, that my psychologist has done such a fantastic job!

Doctor in 3.5 hours. The process begins :-)

I am tired. . . It is 7:13 am. I got out of bed around 6 am, because I wanted to be good, but sleep probably would have been a better deal.

 

Perhaps because I am so tired, I am not 'buying into' any of these schizophrenic thoughts this morning. They are coming regularly regularly and my mind is just going 'yeah, whatever', which is a good sign. I think if I have the capacity to stand outside my thoughts and also diffuse them, that my psychologist has done such a fantastic job!

 

Doctor in 3.5 hours. The process begins :-)

Thinking of you today, and I hope it goes well.

(((HUG)))

Thanks so much @catfeeder ((hug)), you are such a sweetie!

Everything is pretty much organised. I am to ring the psychiatrist's rooms tomorrow to make an appointment and he asked my doctor to give me a script to increase my medication by 100mg.

My doctor seemed to think that maybe the low-carb diet is affecting the way I absorb medicine, which would make sense, because I have noticed a difference in my tolerance of alcohol and coffee too (in the other direction, but still a change). However, she said it is outside her area of expertise, so couldn't say for sure.

As I suspected, my psychologist did not check her email until Monday morning and did mention that she does not provide an acute service, which I guess I was aware of. I thought that if I needed emergency assistance I should ring the mental health hotline or go to the hospital.

She was good enough to ring me later in the day and we had a great chat. She asked me to monitor FID - frequency, intensity, duration each day, as this will help my psychiatrist and will help me to keep this capacity to 'stand outside' my thoughts as I have been doing. If things deteriorate, I might lose that capacity, so it is important to do what I can to keep my head above water in a way!

I feel incredibly blue about all this tonight. I feel sad about the fact that I have a chronic (mental) illness, and it is not helped by the fact that my periods are due tomorrow, and I am sure this is having some effect on my mood. I just feel like a dud, or some kind of faulty being this afternoon!

Hope all is well with you. You are very smart for reaching out to your mom and medical team.

Hope all is well with you. You are very smart for reaching out to your mom and medical team.

I feel the same and hope you get help very soon.