birthday gifts - should I tell my friends that their presence is enough?

Hey guys,

Thanks in advance for your help! Just wondering what you think about birthday presents at birthday get togethers?

I am hosting a small gathering (of about 10 people) for my birthday Sunday week and I was thinking that maybe I should let my friends know to not buy me a present, because just hanging out with them will be gift enough.

PROS:

My friends won't feel obliged to go out and buy me a present

I don't end up with a whole heap of things that I don't ultimately don't need

Two of the people (men) on my guest list requested no presents at their parties, so it would be nice to return the favour

CONS:

Presents add a certain excitement about a birthday, which might make MY experience of my birthday more pleasant

Sometimes my friends can feel compelled to give a gift and so it might make it awkward if I say not to

Birthdays can be stressful at the best of times, and if I don't feel appreciated, this could have an impact on my experience of the day

It is not just about me though. I want my friends to be happy and comfortable too.

Thanks so much!

Chai :-)

In my advanced age, I notice a lot more people showing up to birthday parties without any presents. Some will bring wine or flowers, but if I invite 10 people over, I'm expecting maybe about 1-2 actual gift wrapped things. Which is fine with me, I don't need another thing. I'm just wondering if you have to say anything at all!!

I don't know. The whole "no gifts please" seems really quite common. People tend to focus more on the event itself, the venue, having fun together, etc. I think you need to be honest with yourself about what you actually want and then be clear with your friends. Your b-day is in fact about you and what you want.

One idea is to ask them to give to a charity of your choice instead of giving you gifts. This kind of thing can be anonymous so if they don't give anything, no one will know.

Sure, you can tell your friends presents are not necessary, but expect a couple of people to give you something. And be gracious about accepting them. ("Oh, you shouldn't have!")

I say tell them no presents. If they push the issue tell them a donation to a charity would be a good idea. I think now that we are all not 10 yrs old anymore, presents are not needed nor required. If people bring a bottle of wine or a box of beer, thank them for their kindness. Then have a cold one!

Hey guys,

 

 

 

I am hosting a small gathering (of about 10 people) for my birthday Sunday week and I was thinking that maybe I should let my friends know to not buy me a present, because just hanging out with them will be gift enough.

My friends and I do this all the time.

OR. . ask them to bring a bottle of wine as a gift.

10 friends, 10 bottles and a cab ride home :)

Happy Birthday.

I think its pretentious to throw yourself a birthday party and asking them to donate to a charity or bring wine is, too

I would have invited your one or two best friends to go out for your birthday with you (the ones that are likely to buy you gifts no matter what because they always do even if you say no) and call the rest of the people to hang out afterwards -- meet you at the club or for dessert or better yet, if they decide "we really want to do something more for your birthday" and organize a party - so be it..

I think you secretly really want presents -- otherwise this wouldn't be a "hosted get together" - it would be far more casual. So don't say anything about gifts and if someone gets you something, be gracious

If you're sending proper invitations, then by all means just put a note at the bottom "No gifts please!" and leave it at that. If you're making a call to each individual then it feels a little weird to tell them "oh btw, please don't bring any gifts", because (to me) it sounds more like a hint to actually buy a gift, lol.

Either way, if anyone gives you a gift, be gracious.

My friends and I still do birthday get-togethers, and we are in our 50's. I have a birthday lunch for one tomorrow, in fact.

One of our group, several years ago, made a very bold "No Presents!" statement on her email for her birthday, and when anyone would talk to her about the dinner, she'd say, "Remember, NO PRESENTS!". She didn't care how she sounded; she just said she wanted her friends to come, enjoy, and celebrate, and for her, that's been our "standard" for years.

For me: 2 birthdays ago, I told everyone that in lieu of presents, if they'd like to donate to their favorite charity, that's great, but to please just show up and enjoy yourself. This past year, I just said: "I'm so glad you're coming! Remember, your gift to me is your presence, so please, no gifts!"

Some in our group have asked for "funny" cards only, or for funny, completely impractical gifts.

Tomorrow's birthday is for one friend who, I happen to know, loves the presents, so I bought her a gift card for a nice pedicure place.

My point in all of this is: It's up to you to decide. As long as you say it nicely, and with a smile, your friends should simply be happy for you.

One idea is:

State that in lieu of presents, each person brings 1 bottle of wine (include yourself). Then, each person enters their name in a hat, and bottles of wine are held up, and each person goes home with a different bottle of wine, including you. That way, it's gifts for all!

My friends and I, rarely gift at birthdays. The size of the celebrations range from 2-10. Basically, everyone chips in for the birthday girl/guy's dinner.

I would note in the invite not to bring gifts, if your friends usually gift..

My friends and I still do birthday get-togethers, and we are in our 50's. I have a birthday lunch for one tomorrow, in fact.

 

One of our group, several years ago, made a very bold "No Presents!" statement on her email for her birthday, and when anyone would talk to her about the dinner, she'd say, "Remember, NO PRESENTS!". She didn't care how she sounded; she just said she wanted her friends to come, enjoy, and celebrate, and for her, that's been our "standard" for years.

 

For me: 2 birthdays ago, I told everyone that in lieu of presents, if they'd like to donate to their favorite charity, that's great, but to please just show up and enjoy yourself. This past year, I just said: "I'm so glad you're coming! Remember, your gift to me is your presence, so please, no gifts!"

 

Some in our group have asked for "funny" cards only, or for funny, completely impractical gifts.

 

Tomorrow's birthday is for one friend who, I happen to know, loves the presents, so I bought her a gift card for a nice pedicure place.

 

My point in all of this is: It's up to you to decide. As long as you say it nicely, and with a smile, your friends should simply be happy for you.

 

One idea is:

 

State that in lieu of presents, each person brings 1 bottle of wine (include yourself). Then, each person enters their name in a hat, and bottles of wine are held up, and each person goes home with a different bottle of wine, including you. That way, it's gifts for all!

Those are some really good ideas LHGirl! I love the wine idea :-) How brilliant!

Thanks so much for all your suggestions about this! After reading your responses, I did post a message in my Facebook event page (where I invited my 10 friends) and said that a gift was not necessary - and that time in their company will make me happiest.

It felt good to do this, and maybe I can get a bit more creative with a swapsies bottle of wine next year. LHGirl, if you read this message - how do you choose which bottle of wine goes home with which person? It is such a nice idea though! I wish I had read your message before I posted that message. Next year!

Hope you all have a great weekend! Thanks again :-) xx

The bottle of wine thing: The party where I just was at where they did this....They wrote each person’s name and put it in a bowl. One person then just randomly held up a bottle and chose a name until all the wine was gone. I got to go home with something I had never tried before!

I think it's fine and it depends whether you are treating. I went to many bday dinners where we treated the bday person and paid for ourselves. In those cases my gift was treating her to dinner. With a certain friend who did this I also gave to a charity in her name. She seemed put off by this - as if she expected a gift as well as my coming to the dinner and paying for her. I would do the no gifts please especially if you are not treating.