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Thread: I'm so tired

  1. #1
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    I'm so tired

    I've had it with my family by I feel so torn. My brother just tried to kill me with my mom and sister watching. I'm 25 my brother is 21 and we all live with my mother. I've stayed this long to get myself together and help out my mom. My brother and sister take advantage of her and I hate it. She's been laid off twice and needs us for help with bills. Although my sister makes her feel guilty for asking she still pays. My brother won't on the other hand and won't do any housework and barely maintains jobs. We all work 2 and 3 jobs and he just sits around has company, and expects us to cook and clean up after him. I'm honestly the most vocal about it. Ive gotten complaints about my approach so I tell my mom and she won't say anything. It's frustrating because my days off are spent cleaning a filthy house that I haven't even spent much time in throughout the week. Tonight I came home from work and I went to clean the dishes and make tea before bed. The kitchen is filthy with used pans on the stove and dishes in the sink. I ask my mom if she made the food and she told me it was my brother. In passing I told him to clean up after himself and he makes up a usual excuse not to. Just lat week the trash needed to be taken out and my mother gave him some to take out and he left it in the walkway of our bedrooms as he relaxed with his girlfriend. I straight up told him if he can't do that just don't cook. He tells me he'll do whatever he wants and fills up a cup with water. I admit I took the partially filled cup and told him to get out of the kitchen until I was done. After that he started to grab me by my shirt and tell me he would beat me up and threw me on the ground when I fought back. I told him he needed to leave. I was pissed by then and went to his room to tell his girlfriend they had to leave and in my anger I knocked over his tv. When he saw that he choked me on my moms bed and I was kicking him in his groin but I felt myself going unconscious. My mom justs tells him to go outside and cool off. I keep telling him to just get out or I'll call the police and that we're not going to take care of him anymore. My mom really needs help but I can't live like this. She's had a heart attack before and if nobody was around she would have died for sure. I want her to move with me but shes very stubborn. I'm fine I don't have any bruises yet although I am wheezing a bit. I'm not sure what to do.

  2. #2
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    Well, I think you've got to get out of the house. If your mom won't leave your brother and sister or do anything about them, that's her decision. But your home situation is dangerous, your brother is dangerous, and I think you have to get out. Move in with a friend or find a roommate situation. But stay away from your brother and get out.

  3. 08-23-2018, 04:34 AM

  4. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    You need to leave that house ASAP, your life is in danger by living there. If your mother decides to stay that's her choice or she can move out eventually. But for now your safety is the most important.

  5. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where is your father? You can help out your mother but not live there. You know that so you must be there for your own reasons. Your mother embraces all of you and all this. It's her house and she wants all of you there. However she is creating a divisive environment and seems passive in all of you beating each other up and at each other's throats.

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  7. #5
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    You can do more good for your family by being the one example of accountability. Enabling doesn't help anyone. Get away from this toxic environment, put all your work ( and money) invested back into yourself.

    Did you call the police? Your brother assaulted you. Don't turn away and pretend it's not happening like your mom. That's a loser mentality . Don't get sucked into her guilt trips. Therapy to deal with growing up in this environment could help you too - you will need support to understand that you are not accountable for your mom and her choices, nor the rest of them, and that you shouldn't have been burdened with being taught that you are in the first place.

  8. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Your mother is an enabler, she lets your brother do as he pleases. If she wont throw him out there's nothing you can do about it. Yes, where is your father? You really do need to get out of that house asap. I'd also call the cops on your brother who assaulted you, that's illegal and dangerous.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Call the police. Right now. Press charges. Get an order of protection. Your mom is an adult, she chooses to continue living like this. You can choose not to, by taking the steps NOW to get out of here. Call for help. Please

  10. #8
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    Originally Posted by 9224sp
    I've had it with my family by I feel so torn. My brother just tried to kill me with my mom and sister watching. I'm 25 my brother is 21 and we all live with my mother. I've stayed this long to get myself together and help out my mom. My brother and sister take advantage of her and I hate it. She's been laid off twice and needs us for help with bills. Although my sister makes her feel guilty for asking she still pays. My brother won't on the other hand and won't do any housework and barely maintains jobs. We all work 2 and 3 jobs and he just sits around has company, and expects us to cook and clean up after him. I'm honestly the most vocal about it. Ive gotten complaints about my approach so I tell my mom and she won't say anything. It's frustrating because my days off are spent cleaning a filthy house that I haven't even spent much time in throughout the week. Tonight I came home from work and I went to clean the dishes and make tea before bed. The kitchen is filthy with used pans on the stove and dishes in the sink. I ask my mom if she made the food and she told me it was my brother. In passing I told him to clean up after himself and he makes up a usual excuse not to. Just lat week the trash needed to be taken out and my mother gave him some to take out and he left it in the walkway of our bedrooms as he relaxed with his girlfriend. I straight up told him if he can't do that just don't cook. He tells me he'll do whatever he wants and fills up a cup with water. I admit I took the partially filled cup and told him to get out of the kitchen until I was done. After that he started to grab me by my shirt and tell me he would beat me up and threw me on the ground when I fought back. I told him he needed to leave. I was pissed by then and went to his room to tell his girlfriend they had to leave and in my anger I knocked over his tv. When he saw that he choked me on my moms bed and I was kicking him in his groin but I felt myself going unconscious. My mom justs tells him to go outside and cool off. I keep telling him to just get out or I'll call the police and that we're not going to take care of him anymore. My mom really needs help but I can't live like this. She's had a heart attack before and if nobody was around she would have died for sure. I want her to move with me but shes very stubborn. I'm fine I don't have any bruises yet although I am wheezing a bit. I'm not sure what to do.
    My father lives in a different town pretty far away and he's basically absent in our lives.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP I have a bit of a different take on your situation.

    It's not your place to dictate to your siblings or your mother how to live, what to do, how to keep the house, wash the dishes, etc. You had no right to go after your brother, you had no right to tell his gf to get out. You incited the fight and quite frankly, the law does take that into consideration, so your hands aren't clean here.

    You are choosing to live in a toxic environment and you are trying to control others in it. First step is get your own place and move out and stop using your mother as an excuse to continue as is. If she needs financial help, then pay some of her bills directly. Meaning that you don't give her money, you pay the bill directly to provider/creditor. If she can't feed herself, then you can arrange for grocery delivery service and again, choose what will be bought and delivered to doorstep. However, what she chooses to do with that is up to her and you have no say in it. If she chooses to feed your sibling and skip meals herself, that is her call. You have zero say in that and YOU need to start respecting the fact that she is an adult.

    Finally, get yourself into counseling. Your whole family is a mess, but so are you and you need to recognize that and fix that so you can move to have a better healthier life for yourself.

  12. #10
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    You can do more good for your family by being the one example of accountability. Enabling doesn't help anyone. Get away from this toxic environment, put all your work ( and money) invested back into yourself.

    Did you call the police? Your brother assaulted you. Don't turn away and pretend it's not happening like your mom. That's a loser mentality . Don't get sucked into her guilt trips. Therapy to deal with growing up in this environment could help you too - you will need support to understand that you are not accountable for your mom and her choices, nor the rest of them, and that you shouldn't have been burdened with being taught that you are in the first place.
    I'm going to the police station tonight. My mom hasn't even talked to me about it and I feel like she just won't. I have a nice sized savings account I accumulated over the years for emergencies. I spent the portion to move out on replacing my car that was totaled ($3000). I loaned my mother about $2800. And I enrolled in cdl school and I just registered for classes part time to finally finish my degree. That's about another $4000. I don't have family where we live and I don't have many friends. I need a stable place to live at least to finish out the semester and maintain working I already work really far from home. This is such bad timing .

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