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Thread: Help Living Situation with Sister

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I don't see a point in creating a villain, do you? If the goal is to maintain a good relationship with sister after moving out on your own, then do that. Search for a room in a boarding house or another affordable situation, move your stuff out, and negotiate with sister any help you WANT to offer to her after you move out. If sister doesn't accept your offer graciously, ignore her reaction and calmly tell her that your offer is on the table if she chooses to change her mind.

    This leaves the door open for sister to 'see' and appreciate your value at some point, and that's psychologically helpful to you because you haven't burned any bridges.

    Head high, and be the adult in this thing for both of you.
    I agree with this. It's better to be close than to be right.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I agree with this. It's better to be close than to be right.
    Yep! It's a temporary situation, and since you've got a job you are now a decision maker in this thing. So casting sister as bad-guy and yourself as a martyr doesn't serve you--or anyone else.

    If you still want access to sister and her kids, be gracious about your exchange of services for rent and meals. If you don't LIKE the exchange, then negotiate a better one, or move yourself out to a place from which you CAN negotiate the kind of exchange you are willing to do. For instance, offering to babysit or transport kids equals an opportunity to spend time with those kids.

    If you're no longer willing to perform any kind of errands or chores for sis after you move out, thank sis for the arrangement that helped you to get on your feet, and give her a date that your services are no longer available. If this upsets her, then it upsets her. Ask her what kind of timeline she has in mind, and if you're willing to extend some help to her, then do so. If not, then tell her that won't work for you, but you can offer your availability on X days per week to visit the kids while she runs errands or something.

    Playing the victim dumps all of your responsibility--and your ability--to negotiate right out the window. How does that benefit you?

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