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Thread: I need advice desperately...

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    I know my answer won't be useful but on a "moral" level I think he should know as he had his part in this but on a practical level I don't think that telling him will bring anything good or beneficial to the situatuation.
    I have the same thoughts. It's up to you, but either way I believe is justified in their own right. To tell him because he helped procreate this life growing inside of you now (he has legal, paternal rights if it is born, despite you wanting to abort) and he may want to keep the baby (many don't want to be parents at the time, but believe in pro-life, hence you'll be denying him the right to voice his choice). Then there's not to tell him because of all of the other posters' reasons mentioned already.

    Honestly, if it was me, I would probably tell him. That's a big secret to keep. If I was a man, I would want to know how many women I have impregnated, despite her wanting an abortion. Personally, I would want to contribute in voicing my choice (you didn't state your friend was pro-choice or pro-life, just he didn't want a kid right now) and have the knowledge of how you became pregnant. I wouldn't want to go on thinking I definitely didn't get anyone pregnant with the sexual precautions I have (or not) taken previously. It goes without saying, knowing you made someone pregnant who then aborted the baby would make me more cautious in the future and use better protection (with a current or future sexual partner). In the end, there are certainly a few reasons to tell him.

    Whatever you do, please don't tell him after you've aborted it years later. That would be devastating and would make him feel powerless; it won't go well and this information will at that point be rendered practically useless. He may learn to be more cautious, but he likely will forget or be dumbfounded about how it happened rather than learning from it.

    Regardless, I think it would be wise to cut off this friend, out of respect. He has a girlfriend now and you two have no business being friends anymore. Being friends with someone you used to have sex with as a taken person is not classy, so it is best to stay out of their life, especially being pregnant from the situation. Remaining friends leaves the potential to create problems. You can do the slow fade or whatever else you feel comfortable with. I think your friend would be more understanding of an immediate cutoff if you decide to tell him about the baby, definitely after the abortion is successful.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by ExoticDance

    Thank you ever so much to everyone has given advice, you truly are all amazing and I couldn't be more grateful for the support 💕
    Take some time, think over it.

    You'll be OK.

  3. #23
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    If he is your good friend, why would he tell people? If you think that that is the case, I would not say a thing.

    If you do tell him, he should pay half.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Peace of mind" is not what will get from telling him. Once you disclose it, there are a host of things and sequelae which can occur that you will have no control over. It could get extremely messy. It is not as if you had a relationship.

    He may get upset, feel manipulated, feel you suddenly have this 'news' so soon after he got a gf, view it as a ploy, etc. Fact is you just don't know how he will react. So if you are resolute in your decision then confide in trusted friends, family, your doctor, etc. Unless you want financial or emotional support, both of which he does not have to offer.
    Originally Posted by ExoticDance
    My reason for wanting to tell him was actually for my own peace of mind.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Dont tell him, just do what seems right for you. Then get some reliable birth control.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Just to play devils advocate here. . What if he's compelled by some moral conscious to not agree on terminating the pregnancy?
    Anything is possible.
    Just consider all angles before you decide.
    You may have some complications on your hands you hadn't considered

  8. #27
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    You seem certain of your decision to get an abortion.

    You are not in a relationship with this man, and you wish him happiness with his current partner.

    You also are not planning on asking for money/emotional support for the abortion.

    Therefore, I don't see a reason to tell him about the abortion. You know he doesn't want kids, and you don't want this child.

    Take care of yourself, and leave him to his relationship. You will accomplish nothing by telling him, except to stir up drama. This is your body and your decision.

  9. #28
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    He would most likely feel obligated to tell his girlfriend.

    Since it's likely you are only a few weeks pregnant there had to have been some overlap there unless he met and asked her to be his girlfriend in a month's time (which is possible of course).

    Just be aware that if you do choose to tell him it absolutely will impact his relationship.

    Are you at peace with that?

  10. #29
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Whatever you decide, good luck with the decision. I can see good reasons why you should tell him and reasons why you should not, but ultimately, you know him best and how he would react.

    I hope from now on you use a reliable form of birth control and condoms as well. You don't know what his history is with his girlfriend, and who else she is sleeping with or has been sleeping with. STIs travel in webs.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    If you feel he's a close friend and you feel that NOT telling him would somehow create distance, then tell him.

    If you feel you can go through with the abortion and move on with your life, there's really no reason. You won't get any moral wrist-slapping from me. These things happen, and I wish you all the best in dealing with it.

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