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Thread: I need advice desperately...

  1. #11
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    I am going to disagree with the majority here and say that I think that the right thing to do is tell the other person who procreated with you. Even if he doesn't care, even if you already know you will abort, even if he changes your mind, etc. He deserves to know.

  2. #12
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    No need to tell him a thing. Get on some birth control, though. You also need to check for STDs.

    Good luck.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Hmm. Why is he happy with this other girl and not with you? Just seems like a slap in the face to you.
    This was not necessary.

  4. #14
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    I wouldn't tell him - given the situation, it's your choice to terminate the pregnancy.

    Alternatively, postpone telling him until much later - a couple of years - by which time you may not even be friends anymore, and it won't matter.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I know my answer won't be useful but on a "moral" level I think he should know as he had his part in this but on a practical level I don't think that telling him will bring anything good or beneficial to the situatuation.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    This was not necessary.
    Yes I didn't understand what that has to do with anything or with the situation at hand.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    Yes I didn't understand what that has to do with anything or with the situation at hand.
    Well, I'm trying to figure out if he is really happy with this other girl or whether he's just putting on an act. I'm also trying to figure out if the OP actually had feelings for the FWB or whether he just used her. And whether she has self-esteem issues.

    In my situation, I could never sleep with someone I didn't like and therefore, I would want to know and stand by and support my girlfriend whether she got an abortion or not.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, I'm trying to figure out if he is really happy with this other girl or whether he's just putting on an act. I'm also trying to figure out if the OP actually had feelings for the FWB or whether he just used her. And whether she has self-esteem issues.

    In my situation, I could never sleep with someone I didn't like and therefore, I would want to know and stand by and support my girlfriend whether she got an abortion or not.
    But she wasn't his girlfriend.

  10. #19
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    Thank you ever so much for all of your advice you've all been wonderful and it has brought some comfort.

    DanZee I appreciate where you are coming from I really do but,

    - He is a friend and I am very happy for him and his new relationship she's a lovely girl and he deserves nothing but happiness.

    - Our whole agreement was mutual, just sex, no feelings involved. Neither of us wanted that with each other and we were both incredibly clear on that.

    - I one billion percent do not have self esteem issues in the slightest and I never have, I don't understand how this even comes into context in all honesty.

    We'd both had bad experience with relationships and decided to have the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship and that worked perfectly fine for the both of us. I was very happy for him when he told me he'd found someone and I'd also gone to him about guy problems previously.

    On the other hand I've slept on it and I feel more and more like the right thing to do would be to tell him, he does have a right to know as it does take two to Tango! Given I'm absolutely terrified of telling him but it feels like the right thing to do!!

    Thank you ever so much to everyone has given advice, you truly are all amazing and I couldn't be more grateful for the support 💕

  11. #20
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    Im going to disagree with the majority.

    Morally I think he has the right to know, whether or not you are reasonably certain of his position and whether or not you are reasonably certain of yours.

    I dont think it has to be a big drama or anything - but even a simple conversation to say hey! This happened and since weve discussed it before, this is what im going to do about it. Just thought you had the right to know. How about that weather these days?

    Its half his. Even if you know the outcome, he has the right to knowledge, and his feelings, and impacts of knowing this happened (maybe hell be more careful with birth control in future), etc.

    If he goes around gossiping after, hes really gossiping about himself - he also had unprotected sex.

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