Age 35 and I'm not sure what's going one with me

This seems to be the worst year of my life and I'm not sure where to turn to. I'm unemployed, single and basically living with my mother. I'm "working" at an advertising firm that doesn't seem to be going anywhere (my boss doesn't know what he's doing) and I have to leave work because I had the worst panick attack of my life. I didn't want my life to amount to this ... I feel like I don't have control over anything and the world has passed me by before I got to experience anything (I spent the last 5 years getting a BA, so, there's that). All I want is adventure. All I want is to work a job where I'm proud of myself (preferably one where I'm reading a lot and spending time editing).

But, over the last year up until now, I've been unstable. I've been feeling lonely (thought I'm trying to get out more) since my friends have left to live their own lives some years ago and I've been frustrated with that ever since especially when I'm alone. I lashed out at my father for he had done decades ago (he should be in prison for what he's done but that's a story for another time) and haven't talked to him and my family hasn't spoken to me since that long ago. I encountered an ex (the proverbial one that got away) which brought up a HUGE number of feelings that I guess were bottled up leaving me thinking of how alone I am and what I don't have.

So now I'm broke (I was working a different job some time ago but was laid off because my position was unnecessary), alone and I have no place of my own. This is rock bottom. VERY MUCH rock bottom. I don't know what to do or where to go. I fear if I don't get help I might become more unstable and less able to contain myself. I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't know where to get it from. Is there anything anyone can do to help me? Is there a place I can go? I'm panicking and I don't have anything to show for all my schooling and everything I've done. Is there a place I can go?

Hey. I don't have any miracle advice or some magical phrase that will give you what you need. I read your post though and I can somewhat relate. All you can really do is to try and hang in there and keep seeking advice and/or opinions in an effort to improve yourself. Never give up. Never. You'll manage and a find a way. I wish you the best of luck!

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Here are my suggestions -look for volunteer opportunities that involve interacting with other people. When I was your age I volunteered weekly at a homeless shelter reading to children and made a number of friends that way - some of whom I am in touch with 15 years later. Right now I help my local public radio station during their fundraising drives. I meet people that way. Several of my friends met great people by volunteering to help backstage at local community theaters and marriages resulted in some cases. Or volunteer helping women who live at shelters with their resumes. I did that too. As far as your work issues what kind of professional networking are you doing? Have you reached out to your school to help? Wanting "adventure" is a pretty tall order and depends on what you find adventurous.

You are not rock bottom - you have a place to live. You have your mom (not all your relatives are estranged) and your health. When you are "basically" living in your car instead of "basically" living with your mother and you 'basically" have cancer and are "basically" unemployed - we'll talk about rock bottom... count your blessings for what you have. If you don't like what you have -- use that degree and get a different job. You CAN move out if you wanted to -- if you have a steady paycheck you can rent a small apartment. its up to you what you want to change.

redmage22 Firstly, you seem to care and are willing to do anything it takes to change your current situation. That is awesome!

It's true that you cannot change your past. BUT it's never too late to do something about your current situation so you'll have a nicer future to look forward to.

Break your goals down. Take small steps. Sort out one thing at a time.

For example, you need to be in a more positive environment. So, volunteer. As Batya suggested, volunteering is a great way to meet lots of different people. Not only that, but you make friends, you network and out of that a great job opportunity might arise. Acquaintances of mine have found great jobs through people they met whilst volunteering. Some found their partners there, too. Plus, being in a positive environment will make you feel much better.

Also, since you need an income urgently, work anywhere that pays you until you find a job you truly like.

Wishing you all the best!

You're still young. If you want adventure, why not try out Europe?

You can get a job at pretty much any American company in Europe pretty easily. That's what I did and I don't regret it one bit.

You will have LOTS of attention from the ladies, enjoy 5 weeks paid vacation, and be able to fly to any EU country for around 100 euros.

Germany has super low unemployment right now and Austria has an amazing quality of life.