Please stop me before I do anything stupid...support needed!

Guys,

I've been dumped after 5.5 years by my girl 6 weeks ago now...full no contact ever since, not even a word!I was ok for the last few weeks, but today I lost it for some reason and went on a stalking "rampage"! She went on a trip to the seaside with two guys (one of those guys was always bothering me, I felt they like each other more than just friends) and her best friend...im such an idiot looking at this during my lunchbreak, now Im at the office completely out of focus and the only thing I want to do is texting her...seriously, this is torture! Anyone with experience, please help me out of this misery!?!?!

Hang in there. buddy! We've all been there, in one form or another.

This is an important—and, I know, very hard—moment in your healing. In taking this pain alone, and not trying to dampen it by offloading it back onto your ex, you're reclaiming yourself and building strength. You do not need her, or anyone, to get through an emotionally jagged moment.

Because ask yourself: what, really, does texting her accomplish? Nothing. You'll feel some adrenaline when you send it, and as that fades you'll feel worse than you do now. And any response she gives will have the same affect, I promise you.

We've all been in your shoes. I spent much of last year in them, after a 3 year relationship imploded with all sorts of drama. I'd drift into some social media stalking, heard about the ex and new man, all that—but I never said a word to her. I swallowed those pills alone, leaned on friends, hobbies, work, whatever. I'm not even some strict believer in no contact, but I simply knew I was in no state to talk to her in a way that would serve either of us. I needed to heal, as you need to heal. When she eventually started reaching out, I'd really started to move on, and now, a year out, I can glimpse at her feeds with indifference and have no interest in contact but no real hard feelings about the whole thing.

Point is, six weeks is like five minutes in this context. You're both flailing around in different ways. You're both thrown, wounded. You can't worry to much about the choices she's making, trying to figure out her feelings—it's all a wash right now, and will be for some time. It's torture, yes, but you can handle it. Proving that to yourself will ultimately feel so much better than any kind of contact you have at this moment.

Hang in there!

Precisely what do you think texting her will accomplish? Do you think she will come running back? Admit she made a mistake? Do you hope that by begging you can somehow change her mind?

Think about this, REALLY think about this. Very likely the ONLY response you will get from her will be one of anger or pity.

If she wanted to talk to you, SHE would contact you.

And honestly, even if she did, it's not healthy for you to engage as you are obviously not over the break up.

Delete, block, do whatever you can to ensure she is out of your life. She is getting on with her life. Time you do the same.

Stop following her on social media, delete/unfriend her. Then delete her # from your phone. That's a good start. Now find your inner strength to move on.

Guys,

 

I've been dumped after 5.5 years by my girl 6 weeks ago now...full no contact ever since, not even a word!I was ok for the last few weeks, but today I lost it for some reason and went on a stalking "rampage"! She went on a trip to the seaside with two guys (one of those guys was always bothering me, I felt they like each other more than just friends) and her best friend...im such an idiot looking at this during my lunchbreak, now Im at the office completely out of focus and the only thing I want to do is texting her...seriously, this is torture! Anyone with experience, please help me out of this misery!?!?!

It's normal to stalk your exes on social media cause it happened to me before. However, try to control yourself by blocking her. If you can't really control it, try to move on by doing hobbies and exploring yourself! Do the things a single guy can do that a guy in a relationship can't do. Believe me, you will appreciate being single and eventually you will get tired and sick of thinking your ex. Time will really heal so it's understandable why you are feeling like this because the break up is still fresh.

You are doing what every other person on this forum has done. You must block her on everything. Now.

I suggest that you delete her number, and try to move past the moment.

I remember your story. She ditched you at your most difficult time, and proceeded to use you to help her through school. What exactly is it that makes you want to contact her? She is selfish and treated you like garbage.

Focus on your dad. She is not worth anything, he is.

No good comes from social media stalking. We’ve all been there. I’m a few weeks post break up and only today found the strength to block after I made a couple of mistakes. It’s not easy and honestly I didn’t want to block but I realised (with the advice from the people on here) that it’s something I had to do for myself.

I remember your story. She ditched you at your most difficult time, and proceeded to use you to help her through school. What exactly is it that makes you want to contact her? She is selfish and treated you like garbage.

 

Focus on your dad. She is not worth anything, he is.

Its the disbelief in me that wants to tell her how nasty she handled this whole situation...i know that there is no point in doing so but i feel so much anger when I think about the way she put her feet on the table and kicked me out in 30 minutes while saying that she does not know how she will feel in a few weeks as things like this take time for her to kick in...yesterday she liked my FB picture which didnt help either, blocking her still seems impossible though!

you are so right, its probably the anger and desparation that is affecting me at this point! but all your comments help me moving forward (at least today)

People like this do not care, or she would not have behaved in this manner to begin with. Why put any more energy into this woman.

Why is blocking her impossible? Why are you doing this to yourself. As I said in your other thread, you need to stop being the "martyr." YOU allowed a lot of bad behavior. You need to value yourself enough to be done. She does not care.

Focus on your father.

It's fine to be angry. It's fine to be angry while also not-so-secretely wanting to get back together, jump in bed together, whatever. That's all par for the course.

But venting all that at her does nothing for you. It'll keep you in an endless cycle, because you're still wanting some kind of validation from her.

In silence you have all the power—not over her, because that doesn't matter anymore. But over yourself. Keep that power, let it expand, and as that happens you'll find these flare ups much more manageable.

Hang in there! Keep No Contact! It is your most powerful weapon. Don't give it away! Nothing good will come out of contacting her.

Why can't you block her? Believe me, by not blocking her you're just hurting yourself and allowing for these things to happen and for her to mess with your head. It's difficult because blocking is a clear sign that it's over and that no doors are left open but it's the best in these situations.

Hey there. I feel for you in this situation I really do but well done for posting on here rather than doing something stupid. This can be used as a coping mechanism for future times when you feel this because you will.

Do you know of anything you did in the relationship that may have pushed her away? Have you tried to speak to her at all since the break up or did she give you any reason for it?

Sometimes people just walk away from relationships without saying a word. it doesn't mean they dont care, some people just use this as a coping mechanism to get over a break up. Two times I have broke up with previous lovers from long term relationships I instantly block them on everything and never speak to them again. It is harder to break up with someone for most females when you drag it out, it's like ripping off a plaster, some people just completley isolate themselves from the other person. It doesn't mean they don't care or the relationship didn't mean anything or they're not upset. It's just their way of dealing with things.

I wouldn't text her personally, you just have to leave her to it and go on with your own healing. I know that sounds horrible, but what do you think texting her will actually achieve? You're just in panic mode. At least sleep on it. Hang out with friends, vent to friends, post on here and do whatever you need to do to re focus on you.

What do you want to message her saying? XX

First thing I do is delete their number and any other forms of contact.

Granted, if I really needed it I can find it but in the moments that it takes to find it is often enough time to stop you from doing so impulsively.

That and call a friend. I had a friend who went through a bad break up and I told her every time she was tempted to call me first. No matter what time. In return she did the same for me.

Come here and tell us. We will talk you down:)

Hang in there.

You're broken up, and there's no reason to maintain social media contact. If there are circumstances that would make deleting a more difficult situation, just block yourself from seeing any of her feeds (unsubscribe w/o unfriending), and create a list that excludes her from your feeds. I don't know how other forms of social media work, but you can do this with FB. I have situations where I may exclude my mom, my coworkers, or the younger kids. Personally, I think breaking up means unsubscribing, and it's fine if you write down her number and email in an address book, but delete her from your phone and email address book...remove her...you have back up in that old-fashioned, hand-written address book if you need it, but don't keep her information easily accessible. Take away any chance that you'll send a drunken text or have a moment of weakness, or worse yet, compose an email or text to work out your feelings and accidentally send it. Completely unfriending also takes away that temptation to get "stalky." That action made you feel great, didn't it? Don't put yourself in a position you break down and peek, let alone full out "stalk." :)

You'll get through this. Even if you were the one to end things, and breeze on with your life, I promise you, even in those situations, you would have moments of being down, lonely, remembering the good times, thinking of a second try, missing...there are hills and valleys, and right now you're in a valley.

This too shall pass, my friend.

It comes in waves.