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Thread: Online dating not working out well for me?

  1. #1
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    Online dating not working out well for me?

    Hey, so I recently started online dating, made an account on okcupid. I didnt have much luck in the beginning but after I changed my profile bio and added some new pictures I started seeing likes and matches, so I matched with this girl from another country and we started talking, I think she was interested in me because she would ask me questions and reply pretty quick. I asked for her number and we talk a little bit more for the next few days and I noticed that she starts to lose interest...I feel as if she's only replying just to be polite and she's taking hours to reply. I was flirting with her and trying to keep it light but I dont see her making much effort to keep the conversation going. At that point, I dont really know how else to talk to her so I just stopped talking to her.

    I was a little bump out cuz I dont really find matches that I can talk with that much but I got over it and matched with another girl. Pretty much the same thing happened again?? We talked, she seem interested, I asked for number, she gave me, then she started to lose interest. Now this is really making me upset because I am not sure what am I doing wrong? I dont bombard them with text and I try to flirt and be funny. I talk about their interest.

    I haven't stopped talking to the second girl i mentioned yet, but I dont really know how to keep it going when shes replying me hours after I text her. I guess I dont really know how online dating works? I cant really ask them to meet up since they are in another country. Any advice on how to keep their interest? Thank you!

  2. #2
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    Were both the girls overseas? A lot of times, these girls are using their English skills to try to get out of their countries and get travel visas. They might be summing you up, seeing if you have money or property. And when they figure out you don't have much money, they lose interest.

    You should always look for girls who live close to you and ask to meet up with them. Don't waste time texting or talking on the phone. Meet them as quickly as you can and see if anything clicks.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Chai's Avatar
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    Hi there,

    My perspective is that it is just the nature of online dating. But I agree with @DanZee that you need to meet local people and meet up as soon as possible.

    As far as I can tell there is very little to build a bond when conversing through text, and this would be even more the case if they are in other countries and there is no possibility of meeting up.

    I am pretty sure that is why they lose interest. It is nothing to do with you, but the niggling thought, perhaps that 'this is going nowhere' or 'it is all too hard'.

    Good luck and let us know how you are going with online dating!
    Chai :-)

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I agree with the others. If you're connected to strangers in far away places there's likely going to be a quick drop. Because, really, where is it all going to go? To an intense, sustained relationship that exists on screens? Most people are looking for something more, be it marriage or a weekend of sex, and no amount of texting is going to make that happen if there are thousands of miles between the two parties.

    That said, online dating, like IRL dating, is pure trial and error. Connections come and go—in minutes, in weeks—and you just have to accept that for what it is. Sometimes you'll lose interest, sometimes they will. No need to fret about why—it's simply life. You move on to the next.

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  6. #5
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    Thanks for replying to my thread Danzee and Chai. Yeah they are both overseas but if anything its the opposite I think haha since I am the one from a less developed country in both cases. Maybe that's why they lost interest. I agree with what both of you said, I wouldn't have use online dating if I could find someone within my social circle, so I thought online dating is a good way to expand my social circle. Thanks again!

  7. #6
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    Online dating doesn't work. I've been there so I know how it works. Online dating feels forced and you don't know that person very well. Meeting locals like social gathering or through friends feels better and more romantic.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    If you can't ask them to meet up, what's the point?

    On line "dating" is really on line introducing. It can be an effective tool for a number of goals, including meeting people from outside our networks, practicing social and dating skills, learning about ourselves, and learning how to grow so that we are able to mirror within ourselves those traits we look for in a partner. Also useful for casual interactions, allaying boredom, and ego tripping. Like any tool, it can be used for constructive or destructive purposes.

    Was instrumental for me in learning about myself, transforming my emotional/psychological health, growing skills, and figuring out how to date as a single parent. I would still be on line, in a passive manner, if I were single.

    OP, what is your purpose? Sourcing connections that are geographically unavailable is a good way to avoid true intimacy, and a good way to attract people fishing for opportunities to distract, mislead, or harm you

    If you want someone in person, you will need to look locally. If your location is not what you would like for yourself, work to change that through other means.

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    My best friend has done a lot of online dating with no luck and she is actually pretty, nice, university educated and has a good job. I sent an online article to her about where people met their partner and the rate of meeting someone online was only 8%. So keeping that in mind, if you do want to keep trying, in the very least don't talk to women that are overseas! I guarantee you that in most cases women overseas WILL lose interest in chatting because you're not even in the same country! I understand you had trouble finding someone in your social circles but can you at least not find women in your area or as a bare minimum in your own country? Also what about actually expanding your social circles by going to different events and hobby groups or classes?

  10. #9
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    Do you want to date online or in real life? If in real life use online sites as a way to connect with people in real life ASAP. If the person lives in another country the chances are very low of meeting soon, or ever.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok reset your distance parameters to local only. That way you can ask them out. Also get on some other apps with a good profile and good pics and date only within a distance that you can ask for a date and meet in a timely fashion. Messaging distance women sets you up for scammers,catfish and visa seekers or they start seeing you as that.
    Originally Posted by jay228
    they are both overseas. Maybe that's why they lost interest.

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