Long term relationship now feeling alone and anxious

Hoping someone can give some advice on how to deal with my current relationship problem. Long story short, we've been together for 14 years and have 2 children aged 11 and 7 (One of which is special needs so this has added a ton of stress to our relationship in itself). Over the past 7 months or so, my partner has been distancing himself from me both affectionately and emotionally, saying its because I do not give him space and am overly controlling. I admit I have a tendency to be controlling, when I don't intend it, I know it comes off that way, and I know this is a flaw that I have. I've brought up how I feel and he said its because he's trying to better himself, and that I need to do the same before he can make me happy. I admit I've been very emotional lately and do battle depression from time to time (This being a time). I end up feeling so alone, and stressed out that I will end up snapping at him and causing a heated fight which I later regret completely. He holds onto this as an example of how I push him away, when in true reality, I feel he's already pushed me a away and that's why I'm so upset.. Basically a catch 22. It's now come to the point where he wants me to not talk to him for a while and basically live separate lives while under the same roof, which I cannot do. I don't want to break up for the kids sake, and I do love him and I know he loves me. Am I in the wrong here? Should I give him the space he needs and work on myself? Thanks in advance.

Sorry to hear this, it is a catch-22. It's fine for each of you to have some alone time or time to decompress. However he can't check out of being a dad. Why has it been only the past 7 mos out of 14 years? Is he having an affair? Go to counselling for yourself and by yourself to try to figure out what's going on. Do not tell him or talk about it or suddenly suggest couples counselling. First break the cycle by getting some of your own down time, some advice and insight.

You admit you're controlling. You admit you battle with depression. He feels like he needs to "make you happy." You're snapping at him, causing heated fights you eventually regret. It doesn't take sticking his d1ck in another woman to decide to draw a line.

Without him being here, I can't claim he's a peach himself, but it's quite obvious you've got your own matters he's not responsible for accommodating. Are you in any form of counseling, particularly for this recurring depression? What kind of things are you controlling him and snapping at him over?

As dysfunctional as it may otherewise sound, taking your space to cool down and eventually work your way into couples counseling is most likely the best approach. I'm sure it's not doing your kids much good exposing them to snaps and vicious arguments. No, it doesn't mean he gets to duck out of his parental obligations, but those can be amicably negotiated and organized while still affording each other some room to breathe.

So only the past 7 months he's been weird?

I'd go check his emails, phone, texts...people don't just start acting like this until something is up. I doubt you became nutty in just seven months. Some people love to deflect and blame you for their off behavior all to cover up their shenanigans.

What I'm saying is, you've probably always had issues with communication, which cause you to build up resentment into an explosion, but it's nothing new. His withholding behavior is new - I'd investigate on your own and see what you find.

There are plenty of people who love to say their exes were crazy, and of course the commonality is that person, who generally either picks crazy people, or drives them crazy.