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Thread: Age gap

  1. #1
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Age gap

    Just throwing this out there. Me and the young lady Iíve been talking to the past few weeks have quite a difference in age. Iím 40 sheís 20. I was at her Momís store while I was off, she was in there with her daughter we got to talking about crossbows, guns, and deer hunting. Turns out she likes to shoot and hunt, so I asked her if she wanted to go shoot some, she said yes, jumped in the truck and said letís go. We went and shot some, had a good time, best time Iíve had with a female in a long time. On the way back to the store I just blurted out do you want to go out sometime and she said yes, exchanger numbers etc. Couple hours later she texts me asks what Iím doing, I tell her, then ask if she wants to ride to the local bow/gun/sporting goods store. She says yes, we ride over there get what I need, get lunch, go back to my house watch a movie then go put out mineral and trail cams. And then spent a couple hours together for the next few days just talking and starting to get to know each other.
    She ligit seems like a very nice young lady, who has her act together. She has to, she has a 1 year old. My friends, her parents and grandparents are telling her to hold on to me. We have good conversation and enjoy a lot of the same things, such as deer, duck, turkey hunting, both dog people. We actually have good conversations and for the first time in a long time I donít feel like Iím trying to measure up against someone else. Yes Iím old enough to be her dad. Yes we are in two different places in our lives, but thatís ok, I donít think either of us expect anything real serious out of it. I mean if something did become of it so be it, if not, we each have a new friend to hunt with and talk to.

  2. #2
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    As long as you are both having fun with no expectations, go forth. The people around her might be telling her to hang on to you, but you two are nowhere near that stage yet. Keep it light.

    If you start to think more seriously about long-term potential, I would take a step back and consider the inherent risks involved in dating someone half your age.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I can't quite tell from the above if you're describing a budding friendship or a romance. That said, keep it light in these early stages. Enjoy getting to know each other without expectations about where it's all going, at least until that becomes a real concern to one or both of you.

    There are pluses and minuses to age differences, as there are pluses and minuses to all differences between people becoming romantic. So if things develop it's worth really knowing what you're getting into.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Watching Dr. Phil, he speaks of a 95 percent divorce rate for age gaps of 20 years. Her brain won't fully form until she turns 25, so she's not thinking of the consequences if you did enter into a long term relationship. You would be retiring 20 years before her. Instead of having a companion your age to enjoy activities during retirement, she will be working and you'll be home alone. You would likely have a lot of the elderly health problems that she won't be subject to at the same time, but will be the one taking you to doctor appointments or driving you around if you can't any longer. As for me, I have to help out my elderly parents, and if I'd married a much older man, I wouldn't want to be taking on his elderly problems as well. Overwhelming.

    I'm giving you the other side of "go for it." Lots to consider before jumping into something that might begin as fun, but people aren't robots and feelings will build which always entail hurt if it doesn't pan out how you wanted.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Cap I think this is good for you.

    I am not sure about marriage and all that- and I think sometimes you initiate that as a way to hold on to someone or a way to be a gentleman. I love you to bits, and I want you to be fully available to someone for a good long time before you create a legal commitment.

    I say go for it. Give it an extra long time before taking it into your future vision. Live in the moment, build incrementally, and let the moments build a relationship, of whatever sort, for you.

  7. #6
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    What's the situation with her child's father?

  8. #7
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    What's the situation with her child's father?
    Heís a dumb kid.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Capttrae
    Heís a dumb kid.
    That's not what I meant lol.

    Is he involved in any way with the child? Does she ever see him?

  10. #9
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    That's not what I meant lol.

    Is he involved in any way with the child? Does she ever see him?
    No, she wants him to be but he refuses to take responsibility for dipping his wick

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Wouldn't she be considered a dumb kid too? She had unprotected sex with a guy who she hadn't made a longterm, major decision of bringing a child into the world with? You're dealing with someone whose prefrontal cortex won't be fully mature for another 5 years. Just because you think you know what you're doing, doesn't mean she does. And just because a female has the body of a woman, doesn't mean she's the fully-formed, mature woman she will eventually be with extensive life experience. She was a teen yet one year ago. From a website:
    Maturation of the Prefrontal Cortex

    The prefrontal cortex, the part of the frontal lobes lying just behind the forehead, is often referred to as the ďCEO of the brain.Ē This brain region is responsible for cognitive analysis and abstract thought, and the moderation of ďcorrectĒ behavior in social situations. The prefrontal cortex takes in information from all of the senses and orchestrates thoughts and actions to achieve specific goals.

    The prefrontal cortex is one of the last regions of the brain to reach maturation. This delay may help to explain why some adolescents act the way they do. The so-called ďexecutive functionsĒ of the human prefrontal cortex include:

    Focusing attention
    Organizing thoughts and problem solving
    Foreseeing and weighing possible consequences of behavior
    Considering the future and making predictions
    Forming strategies and planning
    Ability to balance short-term rewards with long term goals
    Shifting/adjusting behavior when situations change
    Impulse control and delaying gratification
    Modulation of intense emotions
    Inhibiting inappropriate behavior and initiating appropriate behavior
    Simultaneously considering multiple streams of information when faced with complex and challenging information
    This brain region gives an individual the capacity to exercise ďgood judgmentĒ when presented with difficult life situations. Brain research indicating that brain development is not complete until near the age of 25, refers specifically to the development of the prefrontal cortex.

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