Struggling with body image/being weight consious

Recently, I realized I've been struggling with body image a lot. I used to be a former obese person. Back in 2013, when I was 18, I weigh around 93kg (204.5 pounds) 5'0ft. Back when I was a kid I wasn't fat or anything. I was average. I started to gain some weight when I was around 9 or 10 years old. I lost weight when I was 13 though but I was still overweight. Eventually around 14 years old, that's when I started to get morphed into an obese person. I was morphing into an obese person because I was deprived by my parents not to eat chocolates and salty foods. They were really strict with my food choices before that's why when I was in high school when I finally got my allowance every week, I started to eat more and more...foods that were not allowed for me to eat back when I was a kid. Fastforward to 2013 when I reached my highest point of obesity, I had enough of wearing plus size clothes and I started to go on a diet. I reached at a weight of 62kg back in 2014 and I gained 10kg around 2015 when I started dating someone. Fast forward again, I got stressed because of personal problems and I am currently 59kg (129 pounds).

I've been dealing with body image issues back in 2014 and I still partially am. Actually before was much worse. Every time I look at the mirror I see myself as fat. And I get anxiety whenever I gain a little weight. The cause of this is because I was bullied everyday back when I was a kid/teen and I was always known as the "fat girl" in class. Not only my classmates but also my neighbors and my relatives would make fun of my obesity.

Anyways, I still struggle with body image and being weight consious. I am always afraid of eating something when I'm hungry and I only eat three meals a day, no snacks in between. My meals only consists of rice and protein. Although at least I am now confident to post my photos on social media, I still see myself as fat at times. Sometimes I do wish I can still lose some weight because I still feel unsatisfied. I still feel like a fat slob at times.

How can I remove the mindset on being too weight consious and having anxiety over my body and at the same time maintaining my diet? I just wish at times I can go back to my old self when I used to not double think when I eat something.

Hey Qwerty,

Good for you for opening up and seeking help with this tricky problem. It is a bit tricky. I have definitely heard people in the body positive camp talk about the fact that getting to your ideal weight will never be enough. They also talk about the fact that like you, when they did get there, they were no more happy than they were when they were overweight. It doesn't make sense to them, because they thought that losing weight would make them happy. The truth of the matter is that for most people it really isn't some magic bullet that will make you happy. And it 'will never be enough.'

I would really encourage you to see the movie 'Embrace' as this is a very powerful film about learning to love yourself whatever skin you are in. Also, it seems to me that you might really benefit from a therapist who is skilled in this area. The fact that you still see yourself as fat (sometimes) when you look in the mirror is something that I have heard from people suffering from anorexia. I would take care of yourself first and talk this over with a psychologist you trust. It might be a bigger issue than just a body image thing. Especially as you mentioned that a lot of your emotional eating habits come from a difficult childhood and food sounds like it was part of your escape from that.

There are some great instagram accounts that promote the body positive movement. They can normalise the idea that plus size women are beautiful too. I am plus sized myself, and in the past few years my body image has troubled me a lot more than it does at the moment. Although those body positive accounts did not really change the 'attitude' behind the self loathing, they do help to improve the visibility of women with other body shapes. And make it seem more normal. I do actually find so many of those plus sized women incredibly beautiful.

Something changed for me when I gave up my one sided, anonymous cyber relationship. I think I stopped looking at myself through his (potential) eyes and just looked at my body through my own eyes, and to be honest I am fine with it. I am an AUS size 16, and while I love eating healthy food, especially vegetables and it is rewarding to lose some weight every week, I am actually (pretty) fine with my body as it is.

Maybe what did really change was the fact that I found a great online clothes shop that not only sells bigger sizes in really nice styles, but actually provides a guide of whether the clothes will suit your body type. It was a bit of an investment (over time), but I do think that maybe this really helped me to get more comfortable in my skin. If I am looking stylish, I feel good. Is it the same for you? Maybe you should do other things that make you feel good about yourself. It might help!

Before the weird cyber relationship, I didn't ever really have a BIG problem with body image, but from what you are saying the cause of your distress may be a bit deeper and may stem from earlier experiences in your life. I would really recommend that you seek some help and turn it over from a few different perspectives with a psychologist. I think it will help you so much!

Good luck!

Chai :-)

Hey Qwerty,

 

Good for you for opening up and seeking help with this tricky problem. It is a bit tricky. I have definitely heard people in the body positive camp talk about the fact that getting to your ideal weight will never be enough. They also talk about the fact that like you, when they did get there, they were no more happy than they were when they were overweight. It doesn't make sense to them, because they thought that losing weight would make them happy. The truth of the matter is that for most people it really isn't some magic bullet that will make you happy. And it 'will never be enough.'

 

I would really encourage you to see the movie 'Embrace' as this is a very powerful film about learning to love yourself whatever skin you are in. Also, it seems to me that you might really benefit from a therapist who is skilled in this area. The fact that you still see yourself as fat (sometimes) when you look in the mirror is something that I have heard from people suffering from anorexia. I would take care of yourself first and talk this over with a psychologist you trust. It might be a bigger issue than just a body image thing. Especially as you mentioned that a lot of your emotional eating habits come from a difficult childhood and food sounds like it was part of your escape from that.

 

There are some great instagram accounts that promote the body positive movement. They can normalise the idea that plus size women are beautiful too. I am plus sized myself, and in the past few years my body image has troubled me a lot more than it does at the moment. Although those body positive accounts did not really change the 'attitude' behind the self loathing, they do help to improve the visibility of women with other body shapes. And make it seem more normal. I do actually find so many of those plus sized women incredibly beautiful.

 

Something changed for me when I gave up my one sided, anonymous cyber relationship. I think I stopped looking at myself through his (potential) eyes and just looked at my body through my own eyes, and to be honest I am fine with it. I am an AUS size 16, and while I love eating healthy food, especially vegetables and it is rewarding to lose some weight every week, I am actually (pretty) fine with my body as it is.

 

Maybe what did really change was the fact that I found a great online clothes shop that not only sells bigger sizes in really nice styles, but actually provides a guide of whether the clothes will suit your body type. It was a bit of an investment (over time), but I do think that maybe this really helped me to get more comfortable in my skin. If I am looking stylish, I feel good. Is it the same for you? Maybe you should do other things that make you feel good about yourself. It might help!

 

Before the weird cyber relationship, I didn't ever really have a BIG problem with body image, but from what you are saying the cause of your distress may be a bit deeper and may stem from earlier experiences in your life. I would really recommend that you seek some help and turn it over from a few different perspectives with a psychologist. I think it will help you so much!

 

Good luck!

Chai :-)

Hello Chai! Thank you for the good advice!

Actually you are right, it feels like it's NEVER ENOUGH whenever I lose weight. I'm really serious because my mom keeps commenting me how much I lost weight recently (although I still eat right), it just feels like it's never enough. Why? Psychologically speaking based on my experience, you are right, people who struggles with body image will always see themselves as "fat" even if we aren't. Actually typing this now, I still think my body isn't enough and I need to do more dieting/exercise. It will ALWAYS be on my mind and I really want to stop being weight consious even for once. I have a slow metabolism that's why I'm so consious.

Actually I am a stylish person. I always wear shorts and crop tops because I feel good wearing them. Just recently, I discovered size 28 pants can actually fit on me and I was so happy but I still didn't feel satisfied. Clothes can make me feel good but it can also make me feel bad. When I want to wear small sized clothes, some of them can't fit on me which makes me insecure.

What makes me insecure about my body weight the most is when I see women who are extremely slim and they can wear any types of clothes.

I'm glad you feel secured with your body. And thank you, maybe I do need to seek help from a professional regarding my struggles.

Well, Qwerty, do you do any exercise? Because being a 5'0" tall Filipina woman, to maintain a weight of about 100-110 lbs., you can only eat about 1500-1850 calories, which isn't a lot of food. If you walk, you can burn about 60 calories per mile, so walking a couple of miles a day can allow you to eat more. (The same for working out in a gym where you can burn more calories by running or lifting.) Walking also makes you stronger and is good for the mind as well.

Well, Qwerty, do you do any exercise? Because being a 5'0" tall Filipina woman, to maintain a weight of about 100-110 lbs., you can only eat about 1500-1850 calories, which isn't a lot of food. If you walk, you can burn about 60 calories per mile, so walking a couple of miles a day can allow you to eat more. (The same for working out in a gym where you can burn more calories by running or lifting.) Walking also makes you stronger and is good for the mind as well.

My only exercise for maintaining my weight is brisk walking and the travelling time and commutation going to my job interviews which involves so much walking. I honestly grew tired on doing exercise eventually. Back then though I was really dedicated cause I had to lose a few pounds.

Hello Chai! Thank you for the good advice!

 

Actually you are right, it feels like it's NEVER ENOUGH whenever I lose weight. I'm really serious because my mom keeps commenting me how much I lost weight recently (although I still eat right), it just feels like it's never enough. Why? Psychologically speaking based on my experience, you are right, people who struggles with body image will always see themselves as "fat" even if we aren't. Actually typing this now, I still think my body isn't enough and I need to do more dieting/exercise. It will ALWAYS be on my mind and I really want to stop being weight consious even for once. I have a slow metabolism that's why I'm so consious.

 

Actually I am a stylish person. I always wear shorts and crop tops because I feel good wearing them. Just recently, I discovered size 28 pants can actually fit on me and I was so happy but I still didn't feel satisfied. Clothes can make me feel good but it can also make me feel bad. When I want to wear small sized clothes, some of them can't fit on me which makes me insecure.

 

What makes me insecure about my body weight the most is when I see women who are extremely slim and they can wear any types of clothes.

 

I'm glad you feel secured with your body. And thank you, maybe I do need to seek help from a professional regarding my struggles.

Hey Qwerty!

No worries :-) It is an important topic for many, many women. You are not alone. Sometimes it can be something small, but I will link you to something I saw the other day that made me smile: https://www.instagram.com/p/BmkHsPXlVDO/?taken-by=nonairbrushedme

Something jumped out at me in your reply to my reply and that was the fact that it sounds to me that maybe the real struggle is with the uncomfortable 'thoughts' about being overweight or consistently 'thinking' that you want to lose weight. There are definitely psychological therapies that can help you with this. The one that really worked for me (and so many other people) is ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I was lucky enough to have a therapist skilled in this type of therapy, and she helped me so much (if only you knew), but there is a book if you are interested in self help. The Happiness Trap: https://www.actmindfully.com.au/product/ebook-the-happiness-trap/ - pretty good!

I think that kind of uncomfortable thinking can also be treated with some form of CBT, but I know less about this kind of therapy. For me talking to a therapist is so much more useful than reading a book, but you might be different in that regard. Just look at how the idea of clothes affect you and me so differently!

The most important thing to my mind is to find things that do make you feel good. It may not be clothes, but if you do have some glimpses in your life, activities, hobbies, things or people that make you feel good, then my advice would be to DO MORE OF THAT!!

You are already growing and learning by posting here, so keep up the good work!! :-)

PS. You ARE beautiful. You may not THINK you are beautiful, but what are thoughts anyway? Stories! 'You could be the ripest, juiciest, tastiest peach. There will always be someone who doesn't like peaches.' - Dita Von Teese

PPS. I have struggled with the 'other' thing women thing too. That can be hard, and confronting, but I do think it is part of a bigger problem of comparing yourself to others and not just letting them be them (without judgment), and you be you (without judgment). I find saying to myself 'I am making the judgment that X is bad' can start to help getting some distance from a thought like that.

Thank you for sharing your struggles. I know that's not always easy and takes a lot of courage! So thank you for being brave and admitting there might be a problem! Many of us struggle with our weight and self image and understand how you are feeling. It is possible that you are dealing with an eating disorder from what you described (constant focus on food, poor self-image, restriction of food and/or bingeing) Often times, all of this stems from something much deeper within us, something that needs to be resolved. It comes out in our distorted thinking about ourselves and our eating habits/focus. It sounds like you had some trauma growing up with the teasing, how your parents treated you etc. The emotional and mental issues need to be dealt with before you can get over the physical aspects of an eating disorder. I highly recommend seeing a therapist to help you through this. It is not something that will go away on its own. I have been down this road, and therapy is the best decision I could have made. It has helped me learn to deal with my trauma, see myself in a more positive light, and given me different coping strategy then food. Support is also so needed when we are struggling like this. Coming here and sharing is a great first start, but don't be afraid to reach out to your loved ones and share with them what you are going through, whether that be family or friends...anyone you trust! I want you to know you are beautiful and valuable no matter what you look like! You have a purpose in this world. I am sorry that so many have made you feel "less then." Wishing you the best!