Seeing the girl I was a rebound for again. Can't figure her out.

Hello again. For the sake of being detailed, I will briefly explain everything that has happened between this girl and I. You can also read about it on my previous posts.

So I started getting involved with this girl, who at first was a good friend, a month after her boyfriend of 4 years broke up with her. She started showing a lot of interest in me, and since I had always had a crush on her, I welcomed it without even thinking about the possibility that I was a rebound. Long story short, she was crazy about me for about a month, and then I started hearing from her less and less. When it got to the point where I felt like the only one trying anymore, I cut contact with her (which turned out to be during summer break).

So I basically did not contact her all throughout the summer (June - July), except once to wish her a happy birthday. I did hear from her during that time. A text saying "Miss you!!!" and a couple of snapchats. Then, a week ago when it was my birthday, she actually FaceTimed me, and afterwards she made a little happy birthday post for me on IG, thanking me for being a "one of a kind friend." I figured that meant friendzone.

Since school is starting back this week, we are now back in the same town. She texted me yesterday saying "Sushi date tonight?", which I agreed to. I tried going into it with no expectations. Nothing significant happened, we just caught up with each other and chatted like normal, staying at the restaurant for two hours, enjoying each other's company.

I've decided to just assume we're friends. I haven't understood her actions in the past, and I don't think I will in the future. I just felt like venting and seeing if you all agree with my conclusion. Am I confused for no reason, or am I rightfully confused? Also words of encouragement would be nice, since now memories of her and me are returning, and I just feel as if I failed to keep her affection, that I am to blame for her walking away.

Thanks for reading :)

You were most definitely not to blame for her walking away, according this previous thread and several others you created.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=551227

She walked away because she wasn't over her last relationship. Be careful here, because she could be coming back out of convenience now that you're back in the same town. Keep your expectations very low.

If you have feelings, it won't work as friends.

She is recently out of a long LTR. Nothing has changed. By blaming yourself, you are refusing to recognize that SHE is not available for a relationship. She is seeking attention. That's it. Nothing has changed.

We have all warned you, again and again. She also told you. Why are you not listening?

You stated:

"I have decided to just assume we're friends"

But if that were the case this post wouldn't exist.

You're taking a huge risk right now, if you choose to go down this rabbit hole, which it seems like you are. It's your choice, my only warning would b, be honest with yourself. This is a huge risk, act accordingly.

Good luck!

Thank you for your replies. I recognize a lot of your usernames from commenting on my other posts. I suppose rather than making a new post, I should've gone back and read my old ones. I apologize for that and for seemingly not taking you all's advice.

Please know I always appreciate and take into consideration what you all have to say, even if it doesn't seem like it when I keep coming back here posting about the same thing. I was actually handling the situation quite well during that period of no contact. She was off my mind, and I was enjoying myself. But I suppose since she keeps reappearing in my life, I fall in the same slump over and over again and need reminding of what all I need to remember.

I will not post about this anymore. I promise I will move on. If I get into a slump again, I'll come back and read my previous posts and the wonderful advice you've all given me. Thanks again.

Just block her.

You just need to be careful that she doesn't come to treat you as the fall-back option whenever she wants attention or company.

You're the campus bf and the other guy is the hometown bf. That's fine if you are ok with all this being seasonal.

I basically did not contact her all throughout the summer. Since school is starting back this week, we are now back in the same town. She texted me yesterday saying "Sushi date tonight?", which I agreed to.

You're the campus bf and the other guy is the hometown bf. That's fine if you are ok with all this being seasonal.

good catch!

She told him in earlier posts that she wanted nothing serious. He is not even "campus bf" status.

She doesn't have the feelings he has...so to her just being friends is just fine. I know a lot of people who are still friends with their ex's. I'd say....if he doesn't MIND being friendzone...go out with her and just enjoy himself.

If it keeps him up at night....

Cut the cord....

I just feel as if I failed to keep her affection, that I am to blame for her walking away.

There is no 'blame' involved, as evidenced by her good nature toward you, so skip that. As for keeping her affection, skip that, too. You positioned yourself as a rebound distraction, and you got predictable results. You can remain kind whenever your paths cross in shared classes and social circles, but I'd let her do any heavy lifting to see you if she wants any interactions beyond that.

If you set yourself up as someone's bandaid after a breakup, remember what happens to bandaids after healing occurs. Instead, I'd preserve future dating potential with anyone who's newly broken up by saying, "I really like you and can picture the two of us dating in the future. I'm going to pass while you're dealing with your breakup, and you can let me know in a few months if you're completely healed and over your ex. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up."

Head high, we all live and learn.