Is he just leading me on?

I have been seeing this guy since February/March. He's a bit older than me and has a high-pressure job and kids from a previous relationship, so even starting out we only saw each other a few times a month and texted a few times a week to check in or sometimes have a conversation. If I texted first, it was always a hit or miss as to whether he'd answer right away or it if it would take up to a day. I thought things were going fine. In July he seemed to open up a bit more, so I was definitely under the impression it was on the right track.

But since then it just feels different. He texts even less than before, which, while annoying, is not as annoying as the fact that he has basically blown me off the last four times we were going to see each other.

The first time he said he was busy at work and would let me know. I wait several hours, and since it was getting late we agreed to try the next day.

The next day (blow off #2) it was the same thing. He said he just had to finish a few things at work, so I'm waiting, waiting, waiting until he finally texts that he's done but he's tired and going home to sleep. At that point I'm annoyed, so I wait until the next morning to check in. He doesn't respond for a day. I text again the next day to say the lack of communication seems like he isn't interested anymore. He responds a bit later saying he definitely still is interested, just busy, and we set up another time to meet. We have a little communication between then and the day we're supposed to see each other.

However, when it comes time to see each other, he flakes again. He texts me he'll be at the meeting place soon. I wait for several hours (ran into some people I knew), and he never shows. I get a text the next morning apologizing that he fell asleep from his hectic travel schedule lately. Fine. We'll try again the next night.

I actually run into him that next morning and we have a quick exchange where he tells me how beautiful I am, yadda, yadda, yadda. Night comes, he says he's coming to our meeting spot again but has gotten delayed by his business dinner. Hours go by and I eventually text saying I'm not waiting anymore. Next morning I get another apology that his phone died and a promise he would ping me the next weekend, which would be right after coming back from another business trip.

Well, it's the Sunday of that weekend and I still haven't heard from him. Anyone care to help me interpret this? What should I do? Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm so sick and tired of the lack of communication and spending hours waiting.

I'm no relationship expert but this guy is obviously leading you on based from your story. Honey, no matter how busy a man is, if he's really serious, he wouldn't be leaving you hours on the phone unreplied or not show up on a date. If there's a will, there's a way. All I see is him giving bunch of excuses rather than making a way to meet up with you.

Let's say he really is busy but if he's comitted into being serious with you, he should give you time. And the fact that he didn't show up on a date and you waited hours for him is downright rude of him and a major turn off. Girl, action speaks louder than words. His action isn't reciprocating his apologies and words.

Even if you give him a benefit of a doubt he's really busy, the fact that he gives 0 effort to you is a RED FLAG that he's leading you on.

What should you do? Get out and walk away from him. Don't look back. If you are getting sick and tired of him, then it's not worth it. You will find a better man who will give all his time to you.

Yes, he is leading you on and you are wasting your time waiting around for him. You have no reason at this point to give him the benefit of the doubt anymore.

He has come up with enough excuses to make me wonder who else he is dating, because I would almost put money on the fact that he's got someone else he does see regularly and completely flakes on you when another date comes up. Are you sure he's actually single? Have you ever been to his home? This is not the behavior of a guy who takes you seriously, anyway. You're still only seeing each other, and it's been going on for months, with him getting less and less interested in making it work.

Even someone who is a moderately decent friend wouldn't continuously stand you up like this. This person doesn't have basic respect for you. Next!

I believe in benefit of the doubt too, but sometimes as in this case, where's the doubt?

There IS no doubt, he wants out and that is where his disrespectful actions are *leading* you.

But like many men, he wants you to end it, or cause a fight, drama so that he can end it and blame you for being crazy or not being "understanding" enough or whatever. Gaslight you.

I'm actually pretty surprised you've allowed it to go on this long with so many blow offs, and all his other disrespectful behavior.

At this point, given his behavior I would not even give HIM the respect of a proper ending, I normally don't believe in ghosting but if a man were to treat me like this, I would have no problem ghosting.

Don't contact him and IF he ever contacts you again just ignore him, ghost.

He's not stupid, he's knows how crappy he's been treating you, you don't need to spell it out for him. He'll know why you disappeared.

I'm so sorry NYCgirl. :( This guy is the bottom of the barrel.

He's not into you. At all.

After the second incident, I would have been done. His response time and lack of respect for you, are terrible.

Always follow people's actions. Expect more.

And, don't wait on people. I would have already have made plans with friends, not wait around for this jerk to call, and blow you off. Block him!!

Don't let people treat you like this.

Don't put up with flakes or people who are "too busy". Make your time and energy a priority.

He's a bit older than me and has a high-pressure job and kids from a previous relationship, so even starting out we only saw each other a few times a month and texted a few times a week to check in or sometimes have a conversation.

He's not leading you on at all. He's trying his best to lead you away. Take the hint and stop all attempts at trying to force something with this guy... then read that old (but true) book: "He's Just Not That Into You" and learn to recognize when there isn't any real interest in pursuing something meaningful with you.

He's most likely dating someone else and wants to keep you on the back burner in case he wants companionship or sex.

Walk away is my advice.

I bet he's either married or has a girlfriend. Obviously he's not into you, he keeps jerking you around. Forget about him and find someone who is actually available.

Besides agreeing with what everyone else says, I'm just letting you know, for your future dating decisions, that it's okay to reject a dating prospect if he won't be able to get together with you as often as is on your wish list for a partner. After my 1st marriage ended, I did OLD. I know that I once decided not to go on any dates with a guy who asked when I found out he had a 5 year old and had him every weekend plus on Wednesdays. Why would I sacrifice my dating needs for someone I didn't even know? I made one mistake and dated a guy for a year who was a workaholic, but it took a while for me to see that he was, and that work was a priority over every person in his life, including his mostly grown children (one in high school). I'm just pointing out that workaholics are another type to avoid.

I finally was able to meet my future husband, who had plenty of time to be with me. I'm glad I didn't settle. Think about how often you'd like to communicate with, and get together with a romantic prospect. If it's not as often as you'd like, move on. Settling is for people who lack self-worth. You deserve what you want. Take care.

I allow for one flakey incident, and even then I'll pull back and quit my investment unless and until the guy steps up to apologize and make it up to me. And I mean make it up, not gloss it over.

This guy is not 'leading' you, you're pushing him. I'd skip that and find other people to date.

Give it up. This guy has low interest or his job and family life is too hectic to have room for much more than a casual relationship, maybe a hookup or two...when he finds the time. Your choice is to accept what he has to offer, when he's available and expect nothing, or move on. For Heaven's sake stop waiting around for hours. In fact, don't even plan on leaving the house w/o a backup plan (meet with friends, get some shopping or errands done) unless you get a call that he's getting ready to leave...and plan close to home. Don't drive across town for this nonsense. I mean, if you like this guy enough to see if his life EVER slows down and want to put in that effort, go into this with low expectations, have fun when you can, and continue to explore and date other people. Otherwise, move along and give up on him. He'll contact you when he has the time, and you can make that choice whether to give it another try or not...but really, this guy has one foot out the door. It's really hard because it sounds like you've hit it off rather well, so this is a bit of a blindside, but you can't force this. He's not into you or not into you enough.