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Thread: My girlfriend wants me to get involved physically with a man, I'm a lesbian.

  1. #1

    My girlfriend wants me to get involved physically with a man, I'm a lesbian.

    My girlfriend has brought up something that makes me feel weird. She's bisexual, but, I'm a pure lesbian. I admit I've been involved with men in highschool, but that was before I well came out to myself. She on the other hand has been with far more men and women than I ever have. She's shall we say experienced.
    She wants to watch me... not with another girl, but, with a guy. She's already even chose the man that she wants me to get down and dirty with. I feel like that this is a big red flag, not just because it's a guy but because we're going so deep into this whole exploratory poly thing. I'm a mono person. Yet, this is one of the few relationships I've been in that seems to be somewhat working. I normally don't last long when it comes to dating... so, I'm scared of saying no.


    Yet... the fact that she seems to have this entire scene in her head, with me... with a guy. I don't know what I should do.


    I mean part of me wants to try to do it, so the relationship continues... but I'm not only grossed out by the idea of well going down on a guy and letting him well me... but it just seems like a situation that will destroy the relationship.


    I'm sorry if none of this makes sense I'm drunk.

    TLDR my girlfriend wants me to suck a guys and get ed. I'm a lesbian.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by scaredneedy
    My girlfriend has brought up something that makes me feel weird. She's bisexual, but, I'm a pure lesbian. I admit I've been involved with men in highschool, but that was before I well came out to myself. She on the other hand has been with far more men and women than I ever have. She's shall we say experienced.
    She wants to watch me... not with another girl, but, with a guy. She's already even chose the man that she wants me to get down and dirty with. I feel like that this is a big red flag, not just because it's a guy but because we're going so deep into this whole exploratory poly thing. I'm a mono person. Yet, this is one of the few relationships I've been in that seems to be somewhat working. I normally don't last long when it comes to dating... so, I'm scared of saying no.
    Please... never be afraid to enforce your personal boundaries and never be afraid to say "no." Do not let her force you (out of fear of losing her) do something that goes against your sensibilities. Nothing good will come out of you allowing her to intimidate you into doing something sexual you are not down for. Is her name Harvey Weinstein for goodness sakes?


    Yet... the fact that she seems to have this entire scene in her head, with me... with a guy. I don't know what I should do.
    Be assertive and confident that your personal boundary is there to keep you safe and from being manipulated by people who are as controlling as your girlfriend appears to be. Tell her: "I am not comfortable having sex with a man so I'll not be doing any of that." Period!


    I mean part of me wants to try to do it,
    No, part of you does not want to try it. If you wanted to try it, this thread wouldn't exist and you'd just do it.
    so the relationship continues...
    That's your fear of losing her talking. If you not doing this makes her leave you, then she never was yours to begin with. Someone who loves you would not force you into doing something you were not comfortable with.

    but I'm not only grossed out by the idea of well going down on a guy and letting him well me... but it just seems like a situation that will destroy the relationship.
    Stop over thinking this and next time she brings it up, put a stop to it by telling her directly that you're not down for it and so she should just stop talking about it any further. If you've been keeping silent about your actual thoughts and feelings on the matter then you're just giving her the idea that you're keen. Communicate your true feelings for goodness sakes.


    I'm sorry if none of this makes sense I'm drunk.
    Why bother even mentioning that fact?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    She is poly and you are mono, plus she is asking you to go against your sexual orientation. Imo, you two are not compatible and you jumping hoops will not change that. She does not sound like relationship material...

  4. #4
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    You're a lesbian. Why would even consider this? I am straight and wouldn't consider. I would find this insulting.

    Certainly you can find a better partner than this. She does not value who you are, or your relationship,

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    You two sound incompatible.

    Originally Posted by scaredneedy
    I'm sorry if none of this makes sense I'm drunk.
    Sometimes not good idea to post when drunk.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Say NO. You have every right to. Just because she wants that does not mean you have to force yourself to watch or do the same.

    Any kind of decent relationship would never have you feeling forced to do things that you don't want to do. If she wants this and you don't, then you two don't belong together.

  8. #7
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    You should not have to do something you don't want to do to keep a relationship together. I think your girlfriend just wants to have sex with a guy and this is an excuse to do it. Don't let her force you to do it.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Either breakup or have the threesome she wants. Up to you, not her.
    Originally Posted by scaredneedy
    She's already even chose the man that she wants me to get down and dirty with. I'm scared of saying no.

  10. #9
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    She wants this guy.


    Time to end it. She shouldn't force you and you should never feel so pressured-that's not a healthy relationship.

  11. #10
    I ended up ending the relationship. Seemed the only thing to do.

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