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Thread: 6 months single, but am I ready to move on

  1. #1
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    6 months single, but am I ready to move on

    I have been single for 6 months now, and after posting before I broke up with my ex, and posting just after breaking up, reading these posts back, I still believe I have done the right thing.
    I have gone on alot of dates with different girls, many have been smart, passionate, intersting and successful women, a couple of whom, I really was attracted to, only unfortunately they didn't feel the same.
    I know 6 months is just 6 months, but I am starting to feel a lull, and wondering if I am putting too much into meeting someone new. The inability to find someone new is making me think about my ex, think about the pros of being with her, making me feel like life was a lot more simple and safer than it is now. We were very financially secure together, and I had someone there for me 24/7, now I do not have these luxuries. I find myself worrying and speculating about my future now, whereas before, when we first broke up, I learnt to let go and be optimistic, but I guess I believed I would have moved on and been happy by now, either with a new partner or be happy being single. The reality is, as much as I feel no rush or desire to settle down and have children, I feel lonely not having someone.
    I'm starting to think that I am putting too much into this. And having been single for about 8 months collectively in the last 9 years (2 serious relationships with only 2 months single inbetween) maybe I just still can't get my head around not having someone and not being able to see my future.
    Any advice on where to go from here would be much appreciated

  2. #2
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    Well, maybe it's time you just take some time off for yourself and get to know yourself. Slow things down and take your time dating to find someone special. There's no need to just hook up with the first lady who likes you.

  3. #3
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    Consider this time as an investment in growing into the best version of yourself. Part of this growth means learning solidity and comfort in being solo. Reaching that place affords you better judgment in being selective about who you'll take up with.

    When you're operating from a place that's afraid of being alone, dating is less about selection and more about trying to impress. You'll take rejection personally because you won't have the objectivity to accept that most people are NOT our match. You'll give off vibes of neediness, and this will turn off healthy people who are looking for an equal, not a dependent.

    Think of singles as carrying a unique puzzle piece to see if there's a fit. Bad matches aren't a reflection on either person. When we were younger we could homogenize well with others as we bought into our illusions. With maturity we've solidified into our personalities and won't be everyone's cup of tea. If we fail to recognize bad matches, often those dates will recognize the lack of a fit FOR us.

    Love is rare, and it's supposed to be rare--or what would be so special about it? If you want to feel secure in a good relationship with a good match, skip frenetic dating and focus on your own growth and development. When you can feel good and secure about that, you're in the right place for forming a relationship that reflects that stability. You'll appeal to people who own that security within themselves and can recognize it in you.

    Head high.

  4. #4
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    I did not say thank you for this message. You took alot of time to write your response and your words really rung true, and were of comfort and inspiration to me. So it's a little late maybe, but thank you for your reply.

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  6. #5
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    It sounds to me like you're going through one of those dips in life. Sometimes after a profound loss, it can hit you like a ton of bricks, out of the blue, weeks or months later, and there's not much you can do but don't wallow in it. Six months is way too soon to think you'd have a picture-perfect relationship, and at six months, if your life on your own is not satisfying, why? Is all your happiness hinged on a guy? It's normal to hit these moments of grief and loss, and now that the frenzy of the holidays is over, there's a little more downtime where it kind of whops you...feel it and grow and move forward. There's a reason you broke up. You're not remembering the bad parts. You're experiencing a void...probably the first time in a couple years or more you've been on your own and alone during this time of year, the weather, maybe a birthday or reunion coming up, and your loss is palpable.

    All you can do is suffer through it. Don't let it consume you. Are you waiting on a man before you paint, buy a sofa, take a trip? Don't wait for that guy...do it now, alone or with a friend or your sister/brother/mom...you need to be you and move forward. Feeling of loss is normal and there will be dips and valleys. You'll be fine.

  7. #6
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    Sometimes cliches become cliches because they work so well. Soooo if you think you're ready try dipping your toe in the water. Don't jump right into the deep end. Try flirting a bit. Go on some casual dates for fun. Just let these people know up front you're just dating and not looking for anything too serious. You'll get a better feel for where you are, and no one has to get hurt.


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