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Unusual date, is this a warning?


doverf5ve

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I’m a bit of an introvert so I know I can be standoffish with barriers. We messaged a couple of times online and decided to meet. This guy instantly sat too close to me for my liking. Every time we would talk he would try to put his hand on my arm or shoulder. He talked about body fat and started to take my arm and pinch for fat all the way up. He was trying to be playful and flirty I could tell but it didn’t sit well with me. Next he tried to touch my stomach. He told my I was very pretty about 3x. He played with my straw and drunk out of it and really wanted me to try his drink. Then he’d go up and start having a conversation with the chef and later on with the couple sitting next to us. To me that was showing off how confident he was at striking up a conversation with random people. He couldn’t even sit still. When we got the bill he told me again how pretty I was and stroked my leg telling me I was sexy. He grabbed my hand walked me back to the station and then asked me for a kiss which I was very reluctant to do. I see big warning signs here but my friend just tells me he’s just super into you. What do you think?

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I think you should listen to your intuition on this one. From what you describe he sounds overly aggressive for someone you just met for the first time.

 

People should pay close attention to social queues and if you weren't responding or pulling back, it's not an invitation to put his hands on you more.

 

He didn't handle this very well.

I think your friend is incorrect and you should be concerned about this guys behavior towards you.

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The thing I find a little odd about this post is that it’s very one-sided. Dates don’t really happen TO you... you are supposed to be an active participant (not saying that you weren’t...)... but it’s an interplay of characters.

 

So - while I would find some of these things uncomfortable on a first date when you haven’t established a rapport (drinking from your drink, touching your stomach, etc)... it also matters how you were reacting back to him. Maybe if you were super flirty and giggly and looking super into it, those things could have been appropriate given the context.

 

When he sat close and you were uncomfortable, did you move over a bit or move away? Did you indicate that you did not want him touching your arm? Why would you kiss someone if you didn’t want to kiss them?

 

I’m hesitant to judge this guy on his actions when you haven’t really described your responses to those actions...

 

If you were actively showing him that those things were NOT ok - that’s very creepy. If you were showing him you were into it, maybe it wasn’t...

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I’m a bit of an introvert so I know I can be standoffish with barriers. We messaged a couple of times online and decided to meet. This guy instantly sat too close to me for my liking. Every time we would talk he would try to put his hand on my arm or shoulder. He talked about body fat and started to take my arm and pinch for fat all the way up. He was trying to be playful and flirty I could tell but it didn’t sit well with me. Next he tried to touch my stomach. He told my I was very pretty about 3x. He played with my straw and drunk out of it and really wanted me to try his drink. Then he’d go up and start having a conversation with the chef and later on with the couple sitting next to us. To me that was showing off how confident he was at striking up a conversation with random people. He couldn’t even sit still. When we got the bill he told me again how pretty I was and stroked my leg telling me I was sexy. He grabbed my hand walked me back to the station and then asked me for a kiss which I was very reluctant to do. I see big warning signs here but my friend just tells me he’s just super into you. What do you think?

 

As per Red, I too am a little hesitant to judge him on his action...

 

My first thought was; why didn't you tell him that he was making you uncomfortable? He clearly was coming on too strong for you so why not gently let him know? A "I'm not comfortable with that just yet" said with a smile should suffice and if it doesn't then a clear NO if he keeps it up. As far as him talking to others, that's usually what extroverts do and feel good about when their banter is reciprocated. Its quite natural to that personality type and not necessarily showing off at all, its just who they are.

 

I don't think you are a good match. Find someone a little more refined. This one will shred you.

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As per Red, I too am a little hesitant to judge him on his action...

 

My first thought was; why didn't you tell him that he was making you uncomfortable? He clearly was coming on too strong for you so why not gently let him know? A "I'm not comfortable with that just yet" said with a smile should suffice and if it doesn't then a clear NO if he keeps it up. As far as him talking to others, that's usually what extroverts do and feel good about when their banter is reciprocated. Its quite natural to that personality type and not necessarily showing off at all, its just who they are.

 

I don't think you are a good match. Find someone a little more refined. This one will shred you.

 

So I should have mentioned here. I did tell him I am a bit of a shy person and I thought it was a bit too much. Then he said that he doesn’t believe in dating etiquettes. He was actually asking me how he should act???

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The thing I find a little odd about this post is that it’s very one-sided. Dates don’t really happen TO you... you are supposed to be an active participant (not saying that you weren’t...)... but it’s an interplay of characters.

 

So - while I would find some of these things uncomfortable on a first date when you haven’t established a rapport (drinking from your drink, touching your stomach, etc)... it also matters how you were reacting back to him. Maybe if you were super flirty and giggly and looking super into it, those things could have been appropriate given the context.

 

When he sat close and you were uncomfortable, did you move over a bit or move away? Did you indicate that you did not want him touching your arm? Why would you kiss someone if you didn’t want to kiss them?

 

I’m hesitant to judge this guy on his actions when you haven’t really described your responses to those actions...

 

If you were actively showing him that those things were NOT ok - that’s very creepy. If you were showing him you were into it, maybe it wasn’t...

I even told him I’d prefer it if he sat opposite me. He totally ignored that.

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Yikes, what a weirdo. Sounds like a buffoon who read too many pickup artist articles. He's not "into you" he's into groping, hookups and useless flattery to get in your pants. Lose his number.

He talked about body fat and started to take my arm and pinch for fat all the way up. Next he tried to touch my stomach. I was and stroked my leg telling me I was sexy.
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So I should have mentioned here. I did tell him I am a bit of a shy person and I thought it was a bit too much. Then he said that he doesn’t believe in dating etiquettes. He was actually asking me how he should act???

 

I even told him I’d prefer it if he sat opposite me. He totally ignored that.
Then why even question it? Clearly he is not the guy for you.

Please be more assertive in future should some dufus be doing things that are crossing your personal space and boundaries. Keep yourself safe, confident and strong so that you don't allow anyone to take advantage of your good nature.

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