Self Esteem

What techniques and behaviour modification can you recommend to bolster poor self esteem and maintain a newly developing fragile sense of higher esteem?

I will start with my suggestion - moderate your self talk, be gentle and encouraging when talking/thinking to yourself. Try to limit name calling and aggressive or critical thoughts as much as possible and replace them with more forgiving and accepting thoughts.

I always recommend EFT (emotional freedom technique) to help unroot deeply held beliefs or emotional traumas that contribute to a low sense of self-worth. Easy, inexpensive, fairly effective in my personal experience. I'm of the mindset that a lot of self-esteem issues are forged in the environment you were exposed to in childhood, so I think addressing painful memories and self-talk that was adopted during that time period gets the most bang for your buck.

I also feel that shaming yourself for "negative thoughts" helps to perpetuate them and can contribute to emotional suppression. Of course, it's always good to try to adopt a more gentle way of talking or thinking about yourself, but this is easier said than done, and many can drive themselves into another level of despair trying to be the thought police. I have seen others get deeply into the LOA material and start fearing "negativity" rather than dealing with normal human emotions as they arise in response to less than ideal conditions. We are human, after all. I think it's not so much your conscious thought processes as much as your subconscious imprinting that needs to be dealt with head-on in order to let go of negative self-talk.

Additionally, I think the fake it until you make it is a sound idea, too. Start implementing boundaries and devoting time to yourself as if you felt like you were valuable even if you're not there yet. Practice saying no to unreasonable demands and putting yourself first when appropriate until it becomes easier to do. When you start acting like you matter, eventually you place greater value on yourself, too. Other people may test you at first as you're working out a new dynamic with them but eventually they begin to follow suit. This all helps with cultivating self-respect.

Embrace flaws. Go outside and look at a big oaktree. It's not the perfect straight branches that make it beautiful, it's all the flaws and imperfections. Next time that your inner critic pipes up about being less than perfect or...gasp...people will see your flaws.....think about the tree and how majestic it is with all its imperfections. Love your flaws and realize that those flaws are what makes you you - unique, beautiful, strong, quirky, funny, interesting, smart, etc, etc, etc.

Form and instill personal boundaries in yourself that you won't let down for anyone. When you know how to say "no" and don't feel guilty doing it, you tend to be proud of yourself for not allowing others to take advantage of you. Plus, if someone is crossing a boundary you have formed, then its a whole lot easier getting rid of or distancing yourself from someone that doesn't respect your values.

Being a Star Wars fan, I always quoted Yoda to myself when I was down or under stress:

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

It made me remember that I am much more than what I appear to be.

These are some great suggestions everyone, thanks! I think I will put these as a reminder on my cork board. I totally suck at boundaries so I will make a separate post about that.

In my experience I found the transition from derogatory critical self talk pretty easy, due to a number of helpful articles I read on the matter. The jist of the advice was not to block negative thoughts and self talk but to cease to engage with them, just accept the thought and let it pass, trying to then counter it with a more impartial thought.

I read that we judge ourselves even more harshly than others so if we pay attention to how we may judge and criticise others we can work on being more forgiving and realistic. That reduced external negativity also reflects back on ourselves. To focus on treating others better is often so much easier but really impacts how we treat ourselves.

The biggest single line of advice for me was that we are all humans that make mistakes and we deserve forgiveness. Learning to forgive myself and others for even the slightest of transgressions (that usually are my interpretation rather than fact) has changed me from an angry troll into a more relaxed being.

I did the fake it til I made it self affirmations every morning. I think I need to take the advice to make time for myself too. I feel I often neglect my mission to improve my mental health and happiness. I was very focussed on it at one time but improvement has moved my focus somewhat.

Is EFT where you tap pressure points and simultaneously repeat a mantra?