A friend's family is very jealous of me

A situation has come about recently that has absolutely blown my mind. It's actually quiet funny. The problem is, I can't laugh about it, at least not just yet. While it is funny, it is also VERY scary, because it could end up affecting me in a very bad way, although the likelihood of that isn't very high. It's just that having that possibility (albeit small) hanging in the air is unnerving. So, here is what happened. I have a very good friend. Someone that I love dearly and would do anything for. She means the world to me, and she cares very much for me as well. However, recently something happened that really put the fear of the Lord in me. I had shared a recipe to her Facebook page, either right before or right after her granddaughter shared something that was HIGHLY inappropriate. Well, her granddaughter's post got deleted, and mine did not. This upset her granddaughter very very badly. It should have been self explanatory why her post got deleted and mine did not. However, her granddaughter, as well as other family members did not see it that way. To them, it's not about what you post, it's about who you are. It ticked off her entire family. They got on her case and demanded to know why my recipe post was okay, while her granddaughter's post wasn't. They told her that she was choosing me over family. Then, a week or so later, her family actually gathers (sort of like an intervention) and asks who I am and asks all sorts of questions about me. Then they tell her that she needs to unfriend me on Facebook and cease any and all communication at once. Those were their exact words. She told me about this and I chuckled because I thought it was a joke. But she said it with such a seriousness in her voice, that I began to worry. I'm a worrier by nature anyway.

I asked what was going to happen, and she said "I don't know. They are really mad at me right now". It's almost like she was saying that she was at least considering ending the friendship over it. I certainly did not feel like I owed any type of apology or anything, but I said that I was very sorry that this had caused such an uproar in her family. She then told me that I did absolutely nothing at all, let alone anything wrong, so I had nothing to apologize for and this was their issue. This made me feel a little better, but not much. I could detect something in her voice that just wasn't quite right. Like she was being pressured by her family so much so, that she was considering ending our friendship just to get them off her back. She went on to tell me that this was not the first time that they had questioned her about me. And, for what is was worth, I was not the only friend they had questioned her about. But, I did seem to be the one who they seemed really focused on. She said that months before the whole ordeal with her granddaughter's inappropriate post, they had mentioned me, and she could detect a ton of jealousy in their voices. I said that I didn't understand that at all because, for one thing, they are FAMILY, while I am not. I can NEVER even begin to compete with that. Not that I'm trying to compete or anything. Secondly, their relationship with her is their's while my friendship with her is ours. There is absolutely no mixing or combining in that regard. So, none of them should be affected by her knowing me and vice versa. She said that they have always been very petty, but lately it seemed that their pettiness and jealousy had just been off the charts. How I could have this big of an affect on people who I have never even met (and probably will never meet) just baffles me. She tells me "ahh..don't worry, nothing is going to happen. This will pass and they will move on to something else".

It's not highly likely that she will end our friendship simply because her family's feathers are ruffled and are stomping their feet and making demands. However, what is concerning me is, while she sees this as stupid and childish on their part, at the end of the day, they are family and I am not. They do have the ability to influence her. It's all going to depend on how strong she is. Does she stand up to them and tell them that I am her friend and that is the way it is going to be, and they can just deal with it, or does she eventually cave in and do what they tell her to? They claim to love her SO much, yet, they don't want her to have a friend. And to that extent, I don't think it is just me. They really and truly don't want her knowing anyone other than them. Honestly, they make me very uneasy. It's not that they are complete savages and will come after me and physically harm me or anything. It's that there are so many of them, and only one of me. Mob mentality has flared up here and they all seem to be in her ear and I wonder how long before they are inside her head. But, ultimately, I will have to just step back and let the chips fall where they may. On the plus side, they made this demand about a week ago, and her and I are still talking. It's unnerving to have so many people be so jealous of you and despise you. But, the beauty of it is, I never have to know or see any of them and honestly, it's not like they are going to disown her over this. The worst that will happen is they will continue this fit pitching until they run out of steam.

It is quite funny when you stop and think about it. Here are all these people (grown adult kids, grand kids, sister, brother, cousins, etc) who seemingly have nothing better to do with their time than to watch what their mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, etc, is doing on social media and try and control who she knows and who she doesn't know. And to actually stage something akin to an intervention over the fact that a family member's inappropriate post got deleted is just...nuts!! Insane, really.

Hmm. I suspect there's more to the story than a deleted Facebook posting. Last year you were pretty angry about your family and said you wouldn't be sad if they died. For your girlfriend's entire family to gang up on you like this, there is something more that they're afraid of.

Her beef about 'freedom of expression' for her granddaughter is with FB, not you. Start to reset your privacy settings so that she and her people have limited views of your FB.

r her granddaughter shared something that was HIGHLY inappropriate. Well, her granddaughter's post got deleted

I think you are reading way too much into this. Like your friend said, don’t worry it will blow over and they will move onto something else.

This isn’t about you and your post, this is just how her melodramatic family respond to all things. If your friend brings up her family drama again (when they inevitably flare up about some other nonsense) just change the subject. If you know her family conflict causes you anxiety just don’t engage in it.

Their drama is their drama. Don’t make it yours and keep enjoying your life and the company of your good friend, knowing you have better things to occupy your energy.

Her beef about 'freedom of expression' for her granddaughter is with FB, not you. Start to reset your privacy settings so that she and her people have limited views of your FB.

Good point! Strict privacy settings keep keyboard warriors out of your business 😉

Hmm. I suspect there's more to the story than a deleted Facebook posting. Last year you were pretty angry about your family and said you wouldn't be sad if they died. For your girlfriend's entire family to gang up on you like this, there is something more that they're afraid of.

As I already said, that was a different situation entirely, and I have completely and totally washed my hands of my family once and for all. Secondly, this woman is only a friend. She is not a girlfriend. The relationship is strictly platonic. She is well aware of my past and what I went through with my family. I have not kept anything from her. Her family has a history of doing this. They are very jealous of anyone who comes around their mother/grandmother/aunt/sister/cousin, etc. They can't seem to handle seeing her be close to anyone who isn't them. So, the best course of action is to send them packing. Then the "problem" is solved. Until she becomes friends with someone else, then the cycle starts over again. With all due respect, you are off base here.

Her beef about 'freedom of expression' for her granddaughter is with FB, not you. Start to reset your privacy settings so that she and her people have limited views of your FB.

Actually, it was her grandmother (my friend) who deleted her granddaughter's post. I had the misfortune of sharing a recipe at right around the same time that her granddaughter shared that highly inappropriate picture. The granddaughter went to pieces because she felt like that my post (which was a recipe) should have also been deleted. According to the family, it wasn't about the content of the posts, but rather, it was the fact that she would delete her own granddaughter's post but not delete mine. What they don't seem to understand is, if it had been the reverse, then my post would have been deleted and her granddaughter's post would have stayed up. Had I posted something so inappropriate, then she would have deleted it and told me to please only share things like that in private messages and not on her page. That's what her granddaughter was told and it really ticked her off. It's crazy. Her family just keeps droning on and on to her about blood being thicker than water and all this nonsense. Well, there is another saying. Family ties can strangle.

Who cares? This is a ridiculous thing for adults to be doing. It's really not worth your time.

Who cares? This is a ridiculous thing for adults to be doing. It's really not worth your time.

Bingo! At the end of the day, none of it means a thing. It's really comical to see them hand wring over this to the point that it raises the question of when do they have time to live their own lives.

Yet another reason why I don't belong to facebook.