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Thread: Idk what to do

  1. #1

    Idk what to do

    There’s been many horrible fights since we started dating. Things always escalate way more than they should. We got into an argument this morning and I stayed as calm and collected to avoid a huge blow out. I can’t handle it anymore. I stayed calm and the first thing he said to me was “wow you’re ing stupid” . I feel like every argument we get into, he gets nasty. Then not even ten minutes later, he came back into the room and was acting goofy and silly but never mentioned or apologized for how wrong it was to just snap like that. Idk what to do. I can’t handle the nasty comments and him being downright mean. It’s mentwlly destroying me but I love him so much. :(

  2. #2
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    We need some more details, OP.

    How long have you been together, and what are these horrible fights about? How frequently do they happen? What is the age difference between you?

    Love is not enough when a relationship is toxic and destructive to your well-being. It sounds like you seriously need to consider ending this.

  3. #3
    We’ve been together off and on for three years, one year solid and living together. We fought like CRAZY when we first moved in together but I’d say now it’s about once a month, maybe twice. It’s always over jealousy issues. He travels a lot and is always gone. The fight this morning was over a friend he said he’s known since 2009. They won’t work together but she is now planning on accompanying him on his out of town trips. I told him I was not comfortable with that, that’s when he called me effing stupid and now he keeps saying if I’m this paranoid, I’m onnviously ‘getting some’ on the side while he’s gone. I go out of my way to make sure he’s comfortable when he’s gone. I don’t ever really leave the house unless I’m going out with his mom or sister. He hasn’t gotten nasty in awhile as far as name calling and all that but he has no sense of remorse. He didn’t apologize for the mean comment today, he physically hurt me a few times and he told me he doesn’t feel guilty about that because that’s not “him” . I’m so torn because when things are going good, I’ve never in my life been happier. But then stuff like this happens and I end up hating myself in the end.

    He’s 37 and I’m 25

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why was it on/off? Was there an uptick in the abuse when you moved in with him? Move back home and tell your friends and family what's really going on.

    You're in an abusive relationship. Read up on that. He will not change, except to get worse and worse, once you are thoroughly conditioned to accept this abuse and start viewing it as normal "arguments". he treats you the same as dog chained up in the yard.

    You will go through the typical cycles of violence (google that also) and he will be in constant mean/sweet cycles. He's not jealous. This is just to control you and keep you under his thumb wasting your time answering to him and defending yourself.

    It will continue until your entire life is about defending yourself, he's got you trained like a pet to "make him feel comfortable" which is really about boosting his ego and controlling your every mood, thought, action and word. Even enlisting his family to keep an eye on you for abuse by proxy.

    Next time he is gone gather YOUR family and friends, get a truck and move out without a trace. Block and delete him and do not let anyone especially his people/family know where you are.

    Start now closing accounts, changing passwords, changing your address, forwarding your mail. And...take your devices and vehicle to be checked for tracking spyware/gps devices.
    Originally Posted by Jenniferowen
    We’ve been together off and on for three years, one year solid and living together. We fought like CRAZY when we first moved in together I go out of my way to make sure he’s comfortable when he’s gone. I don’t ever really leave the house unless I’m going out with his mom or sister.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Time to face that you are in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship and start making concrete plans to get out. Google the cycle of abuse. Yes, things are just so amazing and out of this world....for awhile and it's exactly what keeps people hooked and stuck. Hoping that the good will continue, trying to do everything to make it so, walking on eggshells, telling themselves they are in control and that if only they do this and that, the good will continue. Unfortunately, it never does. You aren't dealing with a normal person and they'll never be normal. Tension starts to build, whether you are aware of it or not, then abuse bursts out. You are definitely aware of that. You are probably sometimes blaming or questioning yourself - maybe I am stupid, maybe I shouldn't have said that, etc. STOP. You are not at fault. He was going to attack you no matter what.

    Stop telling yourself that you love this psycho, get help, get out. Constantly fighting, on off, verbal and emotional abuse. These are your clues that this is not a person and relationship you should be in.

  7. #6
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    This is an abusive relationship, OP. You need to get out. The high points are not sufficient to negate the damage this relationship has done to your self-esteem. Not to mention, it sounds like he is cheating on you but I am guessing you already know this.

    Do your mom or sister know what's going on? Turn to them for support. But leave. It won't get better.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jenniferowen
    Things always escalate way more than they should.
    This is a physically and mentally ABUSIVE relationship. If you stay on, by the end of it, you are going to be left with no self-esteem and scarred for life. You are wasting the best years of your life on this bozo. Years you are never going to get back. This is who he is. You can't separate the bad from the good. He has shown you who he is. At this point you are not a victim. You are making informed choices. Choosing to stay is toxic. You are choosing to stay with a known abuser. Time to take a step back and reflect on the big picture. Imagine waking up at 40, having wasted the best years of your life on this clown...Isn't that scary?


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