Is it over?

Hello! Here's my story.

I dated a nice guy for a few times. It all went good everything was going nice. One day he asked me out but he actually forgot about our date because it turned out that he had a really messed up day. I felt rejected and my ego was hurt so I told him that I don't know whether I should give him another chance. He said he wanted to make it up to me etc.

So the next day he asked me out. I said I don't feel like going out. The next 3 days we didn't communicate at all with each other. In the meantime I felt that that I should give him a chance and maybe I was too harsh on him. He didn't mean to forget our date and as it turned out he was telling the truth. But I was surprised with his absence. So I sent a message telling him "how are you". He replied "all good". I texted back. " where have you been".. No reply.. Zero..

Is he mad at me? Shall I give him space?

I don't think he's interested anymore.

I am not sure how one "forgets" about a date, to be honest. It's not hard to remember when you really like and want to see someone. However, if you accepted his explanation and wanted to give it another shot, telling him you didn't feel like going out the next day with no alternate suggestion of a day that would suit, followed by 3 days of silence....was not a good move. It seems like game-playing and signals disinterest on your part.

My guess is that he senses you're trying to engage in a power play and he's put off by it.

[Q 8UOTE=MissCanuck;7035819]I don't think he's interested anymore.

I am not sure how one "forgets" about a date, to be honest. It's not hard to remember when you really like and want to see someone. However, if you accepted his explanation and wanted to give it another shot, telling him you didn't feel like going out the next day with no alternate suggestion of a day that would suit, followed by 3 days of silence....was not a good move. It seems like game-playing and signals disinterest on your part.

My guess is that he senses you're trying to engage in a power play and he's put off by it.

Well, it was hard to believe that he forgot. He didn't forget exactly.. He had things to do, had an argument with people was frustrated so that's how he forgot.

So maybe I gave him the impression that I'm mind playing with him. Which is not true..

I really want to fix things and see him again..

Well, it was hard to believe that he forgot. He didn't forget exactly.. He had things to do, had an argument with people was frustrated so that's how he forgot.

So maybe I gave him the impression that I'm mind playing with him. Which is not true..

I really want to fix things and see him again..

In that case, why not call him? I would skip the messages and have a conversation instead. If he doesn't answer or doesn't call you back, then I would leave it.

Out of curiosity, why didn't you suggest an alternative day when he tried to make it up to you? Why let 3 days of silence pass?

You told him you didn't know if you should give him "another chance," do which he responded with some mild begging. You declined a date stating you didn't feel like going out, and you didn't present an alternative day that worked better for you. You then went silent for three days. He took the hint. He messed up and figured you're not interested anymore, and I suspect he senses high drama or game playing and doesn't wish to pursue anymore.

It's okay to express disappointment, but you don't have to say everything you're thinking, especially this early. You didn't have to say out loud that you weren't sure about "giving him a chance." Instead of stating you didn't *feel* like going out (definitely a sign of non-interest), you could have stated you had a prior obligation or you need to be in bed early for work, or anything other than just not feeling like it, and if genuinely interested, propose another day. "I really can't tonight, but what about tomorrow or Friday?" Certainly going silent for three days didn't help matters, but there could have been some recovery if you engaged him, showing continued interest, but "not sure about another chance," and "not feeling like it" kinda sealed the deal, I think.

You can reach out a couple more times and see if he comes around, or maybe extend an invitation to him. If no response or he seems less than enthusiastic, then it's time to move on. Personally, I have a little bit of issues with the last-minute planner, asking you out for later that day. It comes across as someone who will ask you out when he has nothing better to do. I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker this early, but if this was a continued pattern, I probably wouldn't continue. That's what dating is about, though, seeing if your personalities mesh, lifestyles, etc. If he's only half in it, he's the one that's only going to express interest when other things don't pan out, and keep you on the back burner.

I didn't suggest another day because I felt frustrated. I felt he forgot about our day. My ego was bruised I guess.. I know I made a mistake being silent for 3 days.. Maybe he felt that I want him to beg.. Really I messed things up..

What I thought I should do is wait a few days and ask again how he is. And ask what's going on etc..

You were disappointed he didn't turn up for a date, but he was keen to make amends. Instead of saying you were disappointed because you'd have really liked to see him (which would actually have helped bring you closer together), and then made up for lost time, you punished him firstly by saying you didn't feel like it... followed by silence for three days with no indication that you wanted to see him again.

At best, this suggests that you've lost interest. At worst, it sounds like game-playing and punishing - and this is going to frighten off a quality guy.

I'd be surprised if he contacts you again, but for future relationships... the kind of scenario you describe is very, very destructive. There are much nicer ways of saying you want to see someone than sulking and withdrawing, and much better ways of communicating your feelings than the actions you took, or didn't take, in this case. The fact that you were surprised by his absence suggests that you're used to treating people like this and getting away with it, but it really isn't a good way to be, and it won't keep good people in your life.

You really need to learn better communication skills. It's fine to be annoyed if someone stands you up, and fine to say so. End of. Don't then push someone away and be upset when they go!

I didn't suggest another day because I felt frustrated. I felt he forgot about our day. My ego was bruised I guess.. I know I made a mistake being silent for 3 days.. Maybe he felt that I want him to beg.. Really I messed things up..

At least now you realize that you can't go off the radar and expect the other person to just sit back and wait for you. There's an important lesson in clear communication here for you.

I don't quite understand something, though: you say you felt he forgot, but you also say you know he didn't forget and you accepted his explanation. Which is it? Did you have a change of heart when he didn't bother reaching out again? It seems you back-pedaled only when you realized he wasn't going to continue asking.

I felt at the beginning that he forgot our date due to a difficult day. The next 2 days thinking about it I realized that maybe that's the case..was confused with his problems and he forgot. But I waited for him to reach out for me.. I know now that was wrong. I should be the one contacting him.. The point is what do I do now....

I felt at the beginning how could he forgot our date due to a difficult day.? The next 2 days thinking about it I realized that maybe that's the case..was confused with his problems and he forgot. But I waited for him to reach out for me.. I know now that was wrong. I should be the one contacting him.. The point is what do I do now....

Sorry I mean.. I felt at the beginning "how could he forget".. Then I realized that things happen.. And he was confused with his problems due to the difficult day..

I thought he forgot.. I realized he didn't actually forget. He was confused and maybe forgot time.. Something like that

As I said before, I would call him. Not message. If you want a shot at saving this, don't let a few more days pass only to send another message.

Chat. Tell him you would like to see him and suggest a day. See what he says.

It would be best to forget this and not play games. He stood you up after a couple of dates. Let it go, he isn't and probably was never all that interested so stop texting and chasing.

One day he asked me out but he actually forgot about our date.

So the next day he asked me out. I said I don't feel like going out.

Maybe I should call him or text him again and see what happens. After all I need to see if it's over..

You've already done that and he didn't answer. He's ignoring you. Never double text, it looks clingy, desperate and unhinged.

I texted back. " where have you been".. No reply.. Zero..

You are right.. I did try to communicate. I asked where he has been. If he wanted he could reply.. It feels to me that his is angry. He is a kind person so it surprised me that he just ignored me instead of writing something.. If I call or text again I will look desperate and push him further away.

It really really amazes me that he chose to ignore me. He could have answered something to show me that he doesn't want to continue our communication.. But they say that no reply is still an answer.. So maybe I should just wait what he will do?? And if days pass forget about it?? Really I want to cry now.. I feel so sad about all this.

After a couple of dates and one being canceled?

I want to cry now.. I feel so sad about all this.

it was a few dates I agree but I feel sad because I believe I could have handled it better..and it was going well.. Feel sorry about the situation in general. I actually felt that he was going to make an effort the days that passed like maybe to check out how I feel.. And although I was the one texting me he chose to ignore... Yes my communication skills failed me but I didn't expect him to ignore me..

You are right.. I did try to communicate. I asked where he has been. If he wanted he could reply.. It feels to me that his is angry. He is a kind person so it surprised me that he just ignored me instead of writing something.. If I call or text again I will look desperate and push him further away.

It really really amazes me that he chose to ignore me. He could have answered something to show me that he doesn't want to continue our communication.. But they say that no reply is still an answer.. So maybe I should just wait what he will do?? And if days pass forget about it?? Really I want to cry now.. I feel so sad about all this.

What kind of question is that, though? You are the one who rejected his date offer and then didn't communicate. Coming at him with "where have you been?" is rather laughable under the circumstance, considering he's probably wondered the same thing about you.

A question like that would put a lot of people on the defensive, especially when the person asking is the one who dropped the ball during the last communication. I'm not trying to be harsh, but if I received a message like that after days of silence, my eyes would be rolling.

MissCanuck, I asked "where have you been" with the thought that in this way we could initiate a conversation. The question is why he chose to ignore and he didn't reply.. Yes maybe he thought the same about me.. Where have I been.. But clearly ignored me.. Not good

I could had written something better instead of "where have you been".. But I still feel that if he wanted to take the chance he could have replied even if I wrote "it's hot outside"

MissCanuck, I asked "where have you been" with the thought that in this way we could initiate a conversation. The question is why he chose to ignore and he didn't reply.. Yes maybe he thought the same about me.. Where have I been.. But clearly ignored me.. Not good

I know why you asked it. I'm explaining why he probably chose to ignore it.

No, it's not good he ignored you. I said at the beginning of this thread that he is probably not interested.

Yes maybe he is not interested anymore..thats why he didn't text back. And I feel there is nothing I can do anymore.. Maybe instead of texting him I should had called him in the first place so I can explain.. Texting is so impersonal.. Wrong approach.. But on the other hand as I said before if he wanted he would reply..