Another job opportunity

So my husband still not working since my last post. As we had potential job but it fell through. Since then he has applied for many positions with either not getting a response or getting an interview that just didn't work out. Well he had a job interview in June for a management position and the company asked him about another food safety position within the interview. He did a follow up and didn't hear anything back. At the end of July they sent an email to see if was still interested for the food safety position. He responded that he was still interested. The company setup another in person interview last Monday and a ride along the following day. From what it sounds like that he may have gotten the job. The down fall is that he will be travelling down to southern calfornia for about 3 months. We don't know what the pay will be but we are thinking it will be about 60k or so. He is suppose to go and talk with them today at 4.

We just had an argument this morning over the job. As I am excited about the job for him but understand the things he is concerned about. I am wanting him to work as he has been out of a job for almost 2 yrs. I am tired of him not working and amazed that we've made it this far with just my income. Anyways, he told me he's not going to talk with them. I think he was just saying that in the heat of the moment. As I left work I told he should regardless of accepting the job or not. With everything I don't feel appreciated and I don't think he really understands how I feel. I feel its all about him and what he wants. I feel like I have to adjust my feelings for him and know that I won't be heard. Guess I don't know what he is going to do at this time.

What is he concerned about?

Having to be down in Arizona for 3.months, working 10 to 12 hrs a day and potentially only making about $60,000. The company hasnt offered it to him just yet and hasn't given amount that they are willing to pay. I know he is only use to going to Arizona for a day or 2. But this is a 3 month stay.

A few friends have given positive reasons to take it and I have done the same. But he is hung up on this and if this is the right job for him. I think it would be a great place for him to work and that there are opportunities that this could lead into.

He needs to grab any job he can get. He is two years out of work and it will be harder for him to find a job since it is harder to explain away those years unemployed without good reason. He is not going to find much better, not without sacrificing something else.

Only three months away, he should take it. You struggling to be the sole supporter is not fair. Man, woman, etc. I don't care; if you are capable of working, you should pull your own weight. Especially if one is struggling to make ends meet. I think he is avoiding going back to work, besides having an adversion to the job details. He knows you are there to support him, so he doesn't care to find one right away. It seems he will only get a job when it suits him, regardless of your situation.

Tell him how bleak his situation looks, not just the positives of the job. Also, it is easier to find a different job while having a job. Do you have children?

Sounds your husband needs to wake up and have a reality check. Two years out of work, he is lucky anyone is even willing to talk to him at all. He is pretty much unemployable at this point. It doesn't matter at this point what the pay is, where he has to stay, etc. He sounds more like a spoiled child than a grown adult and I'm afraid you are part of that problem OP, as you are paying the bills while he plays "who does he want to be when he grows up". In your shoes, I would have told him that he either does his all to get this job or I'm talking to a divorce lawyer tomorrow morning. If he won't go to this interview, he better start packing his sh$t because the gravy train is over.

Do you two have kids? I'm trying to understand what possible excuse he could have for not working for two years, or at least not taking the time to advance his skill set or obtain some marketable education or certifications.

But if dude has for real been lounging for two years without any real responsibilities to speak of, I think it's time to firm up. For whatever reason, he thinks working is optional without him having found his ideal job. For both your parts, I have no idea how that just becomes a thing. I can't imagine a marriage surviving an initial two years of this, much less any added time.

FWIW, while it's of no benefit to join him in sulking over the job, if you know he's not at all thrilled about it, try to scale back being bubbly about it. Albeit obviously one that should have been made a good while ago, it would be a sacrifice to take a job he doesn't really want and to leave the state for three months to train for it. Again, remain firm on the fact he simply needs to be working, but I'd adopt a more supportive tone rather than telling him how great it is he's gonna be working a job he doesn't want.

Either you want him to take whatever he can get...or you don't.

The down fall is that he will be travelling down to southern calfornia for about 3 months. We just had an argument this morning over the job. I am wanting him to work as he has been out of a job for almost 2 yrs.

We don't have any children. Have been in the talks down the road to have kids. He originally left his job to open his own company. At the end it came down to not having enough funds to go further. So that's when he began to look for a job. Interviews have come and gone. I feel like he needs to give this chance. So I do want him to take this job.

Having to be down in Arizona for 3.months, working 10 to 12 hrs a day and potentially only making about $60,000.

$60,000 for 3 months? 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, that's over $80/hour. Isn't that more than he's making right now?

$60,000 for 3 months? 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, that's over $80/hour. Isn't that more than he's making right now?

I’m pretty sure OP is talking on equivalent annual salary.

I’m pretty sure OP is talking on equivalent annual salary.

Oh, I guess I read it wrong.

I dated a guy who was unemployed for most of our relationship and it was really stressful I think for both of us. He wasn't really trying too hard and was content living on unemployment money until it ran out, then he started really looking for a job. What is your husband doing these days? Is he applying for jobs everyday, networking, volunteering, or is he just being a bum? It's super frustrating and I wouldn't have kids with him until he's solidly working again. Has he worked with recruiters and other people to fix his cover letter and resume?

You are a Saint. There is no way I would have supported him for this length of time.

He needs to get a job asap, and stop the whining.

So? It's better than 2 yrs of "self employment" aka unemployment. Whatever it takes. He's a big boy. Let him work for a living. Why have you babied him this long? Are you afraid of losing control over him?

In fact, he should have been flipping hamburgers, pumping gas or packing groceries rather than quitting his job without a sound startup plan and letting that go down the toilet. 60K is better than negativeK.

potentially only making about $60,000. I know he is only use to going to Arizona for a day or 2. But this is a 3 month stay.

So? It's better than 2 yrs of "self employment" aka unemployment. Whatever it takes. He's a big boy. Let him work for a living. Why have you babied him this long? Are you afraid of losing control over him?

 

In fact, he should have been flipping hamburgers, pumping gas or packing groceries rather than quitting his job without a sound startup plan and letting that go down the toilet. 60K is better than negativeK.

The OP is clear she wants her husband to work anywhere, while in the meantime trying to urge him to take this job since it has been one of the only potential offers he's received in a while. On the other hand, he does not want to (i.e. he is the only one here with all of the holdups on taking this job), despite her continued efforts to encourage him. Not sure where you're going with this "controlling" stance...

OP you need to talk to him soon. No fighting, just tell him the facts: he is becoming redundant, no one will want to hire him soon, the only jobs who will give him a chance are the unfavorable positions/hours/salary/circumstances, and you are struggling financially. He needs to step up now and take this, while also keep looking. He cannot just stop looking for other jobs while holding out on this one. He shouldn't put all his eggs in one basket and should diversify; start applying for jobs anywhere, even McDonalds.