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Thread: Dilemma!!

  1. #21
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    His big thing now is that I need to let go of the past because he has changed and is doing the right thing. Th last flirting was about a year ago with the social media chat and 2 other females he was flirting with. If he was changed those would not have happened. Even if he has changed it won’t negate how I feel because of 10 plus years of going through this with him and him repeating the same offenses numerous times, lying, of course lack communication. We have tried counseling but he reverts to doing what he does best and he doesn’t change. I told him he needs counseling for himself because he has a problem.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't threaten divorce. He already knows they are empty threats and all he has to do is produce some crocodile tears, lay low and open other accounts, etc. He doesn't want you to divorce because it's much cheaper and easier for him to cheat, not because he's concerned about you.

    A nanny, child support, alimony, dividing all the assets, etc would cut into his skirt chasing budget. How can he chase women if he has his kids on weekends or has to cook or live in a crappy little apartment or sell his car and drive a minivan or beater? You are helping him cheat everyday.

    He knows by now you'll put up with anything and just keep repeating the cycle with him and banging your head against the wall time and time again.
    He also knows you are terrified of being alone because you are so dependent on him.

    You don't want to leave him and he knows it. All you can do is privately and confidentially make appointments with an attorney and a therapist so you can get some facts, advice and get your ducks in a row and understand your options.
    Originally Posted by Kidzzie
    -He lies about everything and I cannot trust him.
    -He kept repeating this same pattern with flirting with different females, coworkers or who ever.
    -I had enough and told him I wanted a divorce
    -I seriously cannot trust this man
    -when I bring up divorce he gets mad.
    -I don’t trust him.
    -he is a pathological liar.
    -We have 2 kids
    -he is always saying I need to stay because of our family.
    Just scary figuring out life by myself .

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If he needs to understand, let him know if he was perfection from this day forward, it wouldn't matter. When a woman is done, she's plain done, and he's killed all the love you ever had for him.

    If it makes you feel better to finish your degree and then get a job because of that degree before divorcing, set your sights on that while living with him, but begin the separation process. Don't be intimate with him. Sleep in a separate room if possible. Take his name off of your credit cards if possible.Take your name off of his credit cards. Take his name off of your bank account. Have a preliminary talk with a lawyer.

    In many states, know that after 10 years of marriage, you are entitled to half of his retirement savings at the point of the divorce (not afterwards), and you're entitled to half of his pension at the point that he retires. Even if you're divorced, at the point of retirement, you can collect his higher retirement rate without it affecting him.

    After the divorce, concentrate on yourself and help your kids adjust to their new life. A better life awaits you when all of your efforts come to fruition. I made it happen for me. I divorced my first husband for different reasons than yours, but it was for the best and now I'm living the life I'm supposed to be living. Take care.

  4. #24
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    Thank you! This is all so humiliating to me. I never wanted to get married and then divorced. Life goes on and I will be okay in the long run.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's very normal. Nobody does. But now you are at a crossroads and need to decide if lying and affairs are something you can live with or if being a single parent for a while is something you can live with.
    Originally Posted by Kidzzie
    Thank you! This is all so humiliating to me. I never wanted to get married and then divorced. Life goes on and I will be okay in the long run.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Don't threaten divorce. He already knows they are empty threats and all he has to do is produce some crocodile tears, lay low and open other accounts, etc. He doesn't want you to divorce because it's much cheaper and easier for him to cheat, not because he's concerned about you.

    A nanny, child support, alimony, dividing all the assets, etc would cut into his skirt chasing budget. How can he chase women if he has his kids on weekends or has to cook or live in a crappy little apartment or sell his car and drive a minivan or beater? You are helping him cheat everyday.

    He knows by now you'll put up with anything and just keep repeating the cycle with him and banging your head against the wall time and time again.
    He also knows you are terrified of being alone because you are so dependent on him.

    You don't want to leave him and he knows it. All you can do is privately and confidentially make appointments with an attorney and a therapist so you can get some facts, advice and get your ducks in a row and understand your options.
    Wiseman is definetly a wise man!!! This post is brilliant

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