I'm pregnant, my boyfriend wants to die

We've been together for a year, known been close for 3 years. Neither of us wanted kids. Recently found out in pregnant, He still says doesn't want one, wants me to terminate. Now it's there I don't know what to do. Never been keen on kids but I don't want to get rid of it. He said if I don't get rid, he'd move out and we'd never contact again. That was a couple days ago.

Now he's saying he can't live knowing he's got a kid somewhere. Won't have people thinking bad of him for leaving just because that's not what he wants in life.

He's now very depressed, wants to die if I keep it, and I don't know what to do.

Love him so so much but I just can't terminate. But just worried about him. So worried that maybe I should terminate?

A lose lose situation for me.

Really need advice

There is always adoption. So so many people who can’t have kids that would love a child.

The way I see it, whether someone has stated "I don't want a kid" or not, they have willingly chosen to take that risk when they have sex. Therefore, if a pregnancy does happen, they forfeit their right to lay a guilt trip of "but I didn't want this". Do what you view is right not only for you, but what you view is right for the future of the baby. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

Oh for goodness sakes. If he was here, I'd B-slap him. Tell him to get a grip and to stop trying to guilt you into terminating. If he doesn't want a kid so badly then he should have gotten a vasectomy.

YOU do what you want to do about the child and if he leaves you over it then he can't love you all that much. If he kills himself over you not killing yours and his baby then he needs too get to a psychiatrist as fast as possible. Shame on him for his manipulation and histrionics.

What about having children is so abhorrent to him? Don't let his BS guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. Do you have family that will support your through this?

There is always adoption. So so many people who can’t have kids that would love a child.

Yes but "He can't live knowing he has a kid out there somewhere." He has tried to make her feel that the only option is termination.

If he doesn't want a kid so badly then he should have gotten a vasectomy.

I agree, and I hope he now has an appointment scheduled to get one.

Why did you decide previously that you did not want children?

Do you want to be a mother to this child ? Or are you having a moral dilemma about abortion?

It's not my place to judge your choice. I'm just trying to understand where your head is at with this pregnancy.

Adoption is definitely a no go. If I process with the pregnancy I'll 100% keep my baby.

I don't want to terminate, Just increasingly worried for his well-being. He's not from around here, so he has no family close by.

I was previously told by a medical professional that id more than likely never be able to get pregnant. So came as a massive shock to both of us

Thank you all for replies, so very much appreciated ♡

ALWAYS use protection no matter what professional tells you you can’t have kids.

I don't want to terminate, Just increasingly worried for his well-being.

Understandable that is has come as a shock. If you are worried about him, if you think he is suicidal, call 911 and get him help.

Adoption is definitely a no go. If I process with the pregnancy I'll 100% keep my baby.

I don't want to terminate, Just increasingly worried for his well-being. He's not from around here, so he has no family close by.

I was previously told by a medical professional that id more than likely never be able to get pregnant. So came as a massive shock to both of us

 

Thank you all for replies, so very much appreciated ♡

Only 6 weeks apparently, still very early

He didn't use a condom, so obviously he knew the risks. Tell him to "man up" now and deal with it instead of acting like a baby and crying.

He created this child, he can now be a decent man and help you with it. If you don't want to terminate, then don't.

Let him have his tantrum, but tell him he either helps you with the baby or he goes. It truly is pathetic how a man takes risks, creates a child and then runs away like a little boy.

Its also incredibly stupid to not get a vasectomy when you don't want children that badly.

Only 6 weeks apparently, still very early

Yes and it gives you plenty of time to decide without his psychotic input. Would you have your family's support and love if you are to go through with the pregnancy?

Would you have your family's support and love if you are to go through with the pregnancy?

Yes, immediate family already reassured, whatever I decide they'll stand by me. So very lucky in that sense

He's now very depressed, wants to die if I keep it, and I don't know what to do.

What a BUM! You're pregnant and he's making it about HIM? He's showing his true stripes. And if you don't abort, he'll move out and never contact you again? Oh, he'll see you when you haul him into court to get child support out of him and garnish his wages!

Throw this guy out! He doesn't deserve you and you shouldn't waste your time and emotions on this loser. You should keep the baby just to make his life a living hell.

Look, get rid of this guy and then make your decision on whether you keep the baby. Don't be emotionally blackmailed by someone who's trying to shirk his responsibility.

Depending on your level of desire to be a single mother, it's also very stupid to let a guy run bareback inside of you. "Unlikely" still means possible. And when you're talking the potential of a completely innocent child who had no say in whether the parents they were assigned were too cheap, lazy, or ignorant to grab a $2 pack of condoms being brought into the fray, it's best to act on a shred of intelligence and employ protection regardless. I have a very difficult time sympathizing with anyone other than the child of irresponsible parents in situations like this.

First off, don't let him emotionally manipulate you with these threats. It's emotional blackmail, and as with all other forms of blackmail, the consequence is either a bluff or inevitable. I'm sure the next earth-shattering suicide provoking event would be you trying to dump him for being a douche.

Ultimately, you seem determined to bear the child and not put him or her up for adoption. This is your right as a woman. May not be "fair" that he doesn't get an official say, but neither is biology. He doesn't get to have his way. If you've made this decision, I'd be putting your efforts into securing your financial and social safety nets while planning for your adjusted future the best you can prior to juggling a newborn, very likely without the support of the child's father being present. Don't know where you're located, but doing your research on how to secure child support after the baby's born would be a good idea as well. I'm sorry to say, but this is no longer about him. Look to the best interests of you and the future kid. If he wants to come around and be a decent person, by all means welcome him into the fold. But it's not something I'd be banking on.

Yes, immediate family already reassured, whatever I decide they'll stand by me. So very lucky in that sense

Good to hear, Amy.

It's high time for him to grow up, and face the music. Since he felt responsible enough to be having sex, he was also well aware of the risks involved. The fact that he's choosing to manipulate you in any way he can, along with throwing tantrums should tell you what he's all about. With that said, if you choose to keep the child it's not too soon to look into child support, etc.

Either way, it's your choice and the best advice would be to follow your heart. All the best...

Did he want to die the night he had unprotected sex with you?

Adoption is definitely a no go. If I process with the pregnancy I'll 100% keep my baby.

I don't want to terminate, Just increasingly worried for his well-being. He's not from around here, so he has no family close by.

I was previously told by a medical professional that id more than likely never be able to get pregnant. So came as a massive shock to both of us

 

Thank you all for replies, so very much appreciated ♡

He is trying to manipulate you. if he leaves you -- let him

Adoption is definitely a no go. If I process with the pregnancy I'll 100% keep my baby.

I don't want to terminate, Just increasingly worried for his well-being. He's not from around here, so he has no family close by.

I was previously told by a medical professional that id more than likely never be able to get pregnant. So came as a massive shock to both of us

 

Thank you all for replies, so very much appreciated ♡

I see. So it's not so much that you were opposed to becoming a mom, you didn't think you could pregnant and so closed that option in your mind.

And getting pregnant was a happy surprise for you. But not for him.

I see. So it's not so much that you were opposed to becoming a mom, you didn't think you could pregnant and so closed that option in your mind.

And getting pregnant was a happy surprise for you. But not for him.

i don't understand why adoption is always never an option --- there are couples who have been waiting for years to give a healthy infant a good life. How is that harder than terminating a baby's life? It requires maturity for sure but it means that you won't have to be tied to a guy who doesnt want to be with you also.

i don't understand why adoption is always never an option --- there are couples who have been waiting for years to give a healthy infant a good life. How is that harder than terminating a baby's life? It requires maturity for sure but it means that you won't have to be tied to a guy who doesnt want to be with you also.

Kept the child, lose the boyfriend. He sounds riculous and dramatic!

Why didn't he get a vesectomy if he was so opposed to kids?

I would have zero respect for him. I would bet that this is not the first time his character has come into question. What a creep!

i don't understand why adoption is always never an option --- there are couples who have been waiting for years to give a healthy infant a good life. How is that harder than terminating a baby's life? It requires maturity for sure but it means that you won't have to be tied to a guy who doesnt want to be with you also.

I don't think I could carry a baby for 9 months and then hand him/her to someone else. Also very rarely is it sign the papers and done. The emotional turmoil, the guilt, the child wanting to meet you, knowing you have a blood relative in the world. I couldn't do it.

Then again, I know I couldn't so there's a barrier between semen and my ovaries at all times.