Two dates in and she goast ? What did I do wrong ?

I’ve been seeing someone and she all of sudden she ignored me...

I met her out one night and grabbed her number and text her a few days later and set up date.

I’ve ensured I’ve kept my texting to a minimum when setting up this first date ,setting the date in a handful of messages then ending the conversation (although the conversation was short it was playful and engaging).

The date went well , she did most of the talking and seemed that she couldn’t get enough of me and ended up with us hooking up at the end of the night.

She sent me a message that night saying how great of a time she had , I said I had a great time too and said goodnight .

Again she text me first a few days later (which surprised me, because it was right in the middle of a really busy day for her) but I kept the conversation short fun and playful and set up a second date within a handful of messages and ended the conversation.

Throughout the week she messaged me first again and I stuck to my usual tactic of keeping the conversation playful and engaging and ending it after a handful of messages

We get to our second date and it goes even better then the first , hooking up several times , her calling me thoughtful and charming, mysterious, sweet, and that she had an awesome time again. During this time she told me some really personal stuff about herself that she wouldn’t normally tell people but felt as if she could trust me with it and hoped that it wouldn’t scare me off.

So at this stage I really thought she was into me ! A few days went by so I thought I’d message (to show that she hadn’t scared me off) to set up a third date (i knew she was busy on this day, I probably should have waited for another day but I was having a rough day so I wasn’t as playful and centred as usual) but anyway she wrote back and seemed her happy cheerful self so I asked to see her again on the coming weekend....and you guessed it, she flat out ignored me and haven’t heard from her since.

I might mention that during these dates she felt that I wasn’t opening up as much as she would of liked and that she felt she was doing most of the talking

I’m kinda scratching my head as to what I did wrong here? I’m after advice on what could be going on here? If you think i have blown it ? If not, what can I do to fix it?

Thanks guys.

Why do you assume you did something wrong?

Perhaps she's been seeing someone else and doesn't know how to tell you. Maybe she's had a bad few days herself and doesn't feel like engaging. What are these personal things she told you about herself? Maybe she is regretting having said anything and is embarrassed now. My point is that there could be several reasons she's gone off the radar that are not about you personally.

I will say, though, that it can be a little tiring when one person feels like they're doing most the talking and having to carry the conversation. However, I would not necessarily conclude that it's a deal-breaker when you like someone and wonder if they're perhaps a little reserved and need more time to open up.

Because I always do something wrong haha

I won’t go in to detail as she trusted me with it , but opened up to me about her being very spiritual and that’s she’s shy about because she feels it scared people off and that they judge her.

And in regards to the talking I was still engaging in conversation , the conversations were flowing she was just doing about 70% of the talking.

Surely one moment of me not being playful and centred has ruined this ?

What do you think I should do? Message her again in a day or two or wait for her to get back to me ?

No, don't message her again. You asked her out; it's up to her to respond.

And if one moment of you not being playful ruined it, then you didn't have much there to begin with. Honestly, I very much doubt that's the issue.

But can you clarify, in what way were you not playful? What did you say?

Her lack of response can be for a multitude of reasons; you may never know the reason. Although it is unsettling, you just need to put it behind you and move on. chi

Normally if I was asking her out I’d kind of build up the suspense of actually asking...like making a game of it in a good way . So she would know where I’m going with the conversation but I’d make her work for it just a tiny bit...she said I’m good at building the suspense and that she liked it

In this case I basically just come straight out with it once she got back to my original message.

It’s just surprised me a bit because normally she responds straight away and has never ignored me before

Normally if I was asking her out I’d kind of build up the suspense of actually asking...like making a game of it in a good way . So she would know where I’m going with the conversation but I’d make her work for it just a tiny bit...she said I’m good at building the suspense and that she liked it

 

In this case I basically just come straight out with it once she got back to my original message.

 

It’s just surprised me a bit because normally she responds straight away and has never ignored me before

And this is perfectly fine. I think her lack of response is not related to this.

Well what do you think it was from? Talking on here helps me not spaz out and message her again about it btw so I appreciate the reply’s !

A few days went by so I thought I’d message (to show that she hadn’t scared me off) to set up a third date (i knew she was busy on this day).

You might have waited too long to text her. Girls have a different viewpoint on texting and phone calls. She might have been expected a text when you got home or early the next morning saying how great the date was. Men think they don't want to appear too eager, doing exactly what you said you did, waiting a few days to get back to their date. Your gf might have spent the time when you didn't text her thinking you were ghosting her. That gave her days to think you didn't appreciate her or you got what you wanted and you were dumping her. By the time you did text her, she might have been thinking, hmmmph, now he texts me! Add this to the feeling that you weren't opening up to her, and this reinforces her view you dumped her.

So now, you've got to try to fix this. You should call her to tell her you missed her. And you should apologize about not texting her. And you should probably try to get a dinner reservation at a nice restaurant and plan something special to see if she'll accept. And then try to romance her off her feet and try to appear vulnerable, yet manly, and talk about your feelings rather than anything about work or sports or anything else. At this point, give it a try, because you have nothing left to lose.

Well what do you think it was from? Talking on here helps me not spaz out and message her again about it btw so I appreciate the reply’s !

We can't really tell you, OP. Only she knows that. I speculated, but really, we don't know either.

I know it's frustrating and you would like a clear answer, but I don't see where you did anything wrong. How long has it been since you wrote her? Did you use a platform in which you can see she actually received/read the message?

I get your point of view...but I honestly don’t think waiting 2 days to message her is to long.

I get your point of view...but I honestly don’t think waiting 2 days to message her is to long.

You misunderstood my question.

How much time has elapsed since you asked her out, and until now?

Apologises I replied to the wrong thread !

It was via iMessage so it says it was delivered! Umm it’s been two days now roughly since I asked her out

So you took 2 days to ask her out and you're assuming you've been ghosted because it's been 2 days without a reply? Maybe she thinks she needs to not appear too eager.

I'd go with DanZee's advice and give her a call. If she doesn't pick up or ring back then you have your answer (but if she's ghosted you she'd have already blocked your number, surely?).

Well 2-3 between conversations has been the pattern of the “ relationship “. But never have we blatantly ignored one another , which is why it’s throwing me out a bit here

You did everything right - her ghosting means she isn't available

She seemed very available when she was making out and rubbing me up 4 nights ago ?

Anyway I’m getting mixed results on what I should do next ? Some are telling me to message her again? Some are telling me to keep waiting for a response ?

Anyway I’m getting mixed results on what I should do next ? Some are telling me to message her again? Some are telling me to keep waiting for a response ?

Well, yes, you're rarely going to get a unanimous response on an open message board. We all come here with different experiences that inform our opinions, so it's almost always going to be a mixed bag of replies.

The best you can do is this: consider what each of us with different points of view has said. Then consider what you know about yourself - will you be okay just letting this go and chalking it up as experience if she doesn't reply? Will you stress and blame yourself if you don't reach out and try? What will you do if you get no response again, or a vague one?

Think about all of the above before proceeding, and do what you feel is best for you.

Well I actually kinda like the girl and I would love to see her again and by all accounts up until a few days ago she was into me.

But I don’t want to chase her away by messaging her again about going out.

She ignored my last attempt , and if I do it again a few days later it would just push her away I think...that’s my logical viewpoint on it.

But if I don’t do anything I may never hear from her again.

Deep breaths here, buddy! You're spinning around and around about two dates and two unresponsive days.

Maybe she's seeing someone else. Maybe she's seeing ten other people. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's questioning the compatibility. Maybe...it does not matter! This is what dating is. You're just getting to know someone, and there is so, so much you don't know. You just can't take this personally, or rewind it all in some kind slow motion instant replay looking for the moment when you stepped out of bounds.

If you really want to see her again, it's simple: give her a call or shoot her a text. Say, "Hey, it's been really nice getting to know you a bit. I'd love to see you again. How about dinner this week?" Just put it out there, and who cares if she doesn't respond? You'll know she's not feeling it at the moment and you move on.

For what it's worth, I'm seeing someone right now that kind of started like this: two nice, kinda hot hang/dates, followed by a curt note from her about how the timing was off, bye for now. I was bummed for maybe three hours, then went about my life. A few weeks later she reached out—turned out she was exploring another thing, wanted to focus on that, quickly realized it wasn't for her. I appreciated her honesty—I was dating around too, so whatever—and now we're dating again, drifting toward something maybe real and serious.

You just gotta ease of the reigns here a bit. Express your hopes and desires, see if they're met. If not, don't worry. Keep swiping and have fun.

Yeah I know, it’s just doing my head in that it was going so well , she was all over me , doing all the texting talking ect then to ignore me and stop without an explanation as to why.

Yup—it happens.

Me, I've found that I like to kind of make an early joke about the whole ghosting thing. How common it is, how lame, how silly. Mainly because I think one of the things that's great about online dating is that it's so transparent that it should make being honest about things—like, say, that the person you're hooking up with is chatting/maybe hooking up with seven other people—easier.

I had a nice little OLD collision a few months ago. Nice drink leads to nice kiss leads to meeting up the next night. The next night extended to a long weekend—we just kind of went there. Did I think I'd met my future wife? No, but it was fun, had the makings of a potential summer fling that would go wherever it went. Well, after the weekend she wrote me a little text about having too many logs in the fire right now—it was cute, really, and I think part of why she was able to do that was because we'd kind of joked about it all from the outset rather than pretending that we were Adam and Eve rather than two adults who met through swiping.

Anyway, you're into her still. Toss it out there again, and that's that.

Wow, you need to chill out and just be yourself. I've seen less strategy put into football games at the FIFA world cup!

Everything you did with this girl was calculated as to a specific formula that you seem to think is designed to keep her coming back. I'm guessing she senses that, especially if she is bothered by the fact that she told you something very personal and barely knows anything about you.

Frankly, I have to work for enough in my life, so if I felt like a guy I had only been on two dates with was trying to make me "work for it", I would be saying "bye Felicia!"

Dating shouldn't be this difficult. If it is, you're trying too hard. Relax.

I would just message her back with an honest "hey, I had an awesome time and I'm into you. I would like to set up another date. Please let me know." If she doesn't respond you have your answer.

 

Normally if I was asking her out I’d kind of build up the suspense of actually asking...like making a game of it in a good way . So she would know where I’m going with the conversation but I’d make her work for it just a tiny bit...she said I’m good at building the suspense and that she liked it

 

In this case I basically just come straight out with it once she got back to my original message.

 

It’s just surprised me a bit because normally she responds straight away and has never ignored me before

 

I'm confused. In an earlier post you said she told you that you weren't opening up enough. She was but you weren't.

And you admit she was doing most of the texting and talking as well. You would engage her in a playful way, then end the conversation.

In your first paragraph^, you said your typical MO is "building suspense," and making her work for it? And she said she liked it?

Well I am thinking perhaps she started not liking it so much, she needs more. Especially after opening up to you the way she did. About something so personal.

All this "suspense" and making her work for it was getting old and she needs you to step up more.

**Emotionally**

Sounds to me like she was trying to "emotionally" connect with you and it wasn't happening for her.

Sure you asked her out again, but if there is not much of anything else going in besides the physical attraction and all this "suspense," again it gets old and also frustrating.

That said, you also said above that when she got back to your original message, you came "straight out" with it.

That's why I am confused, what did you come straight out with? After you just told us you like to "build suspense" - can you clarify?

This building suspense thing, and making her work for it it sounds like a game. Games get old and often backfire.

Many men have played such games with me, I can see right through them (most of the time) and it's a turn off. I might still be attracted, but I won't play into it, and things go nowhere.

My response was typically the exact opposite of what they were expecting, how other women have responded.

If you really like her, shoot her another text. Stop trying to "build suspense" and be REAL.

If she blows you off, then she changed her mind, met someone rlse she likes better, who knows.

These early stages of dating are so precarious! Feelings are tenuous and can change on a dime.

It's dissappointing but you gotta just roll with it, otherwise you will become frustrated and maybe even bitter, which is never good.

Anyway, just my opinion as a woman, not being there and reading your story.

Good luck!