It's odd realizing when you may be a "type" when dating

I haven't been on a date in 8 years. I went on my first date in 8 years two days ago. I ended up having a shockingly busy weekend with three dates. So now that the final one ended I'm reflecting on all three.

First of all I think dating for many heterosexual men is not a process of going through a list of people and then picking and choosing. The truth is for most of my dating experience it's been about going out with whoever is willing to go out with me. In other words I have not been picky. If I were I would not spend much time with women. So two of my dates this weekend were with women who actually spoke to me on a dating site. In fact they were the ONLY two people to speak to me on this dating site recently. A third one was someone I met on the dating site 8/9 years ago.

So I reflected on each of them and realized these women, who have chosen to go out with me, are A) similar B) paint a picture of who I attract and C) are defining the "type" of guy I _appear_ to be.

I don't find that offensive necessarily just interesting and peculiar. For example each of them speaks spanish. I'm pretty sure each of them has visited Cuba (if you don't know, it requires some effort to visit Cuba). Each of them is of a different race/ethnicity. From reading that you may have an idea who I am or even what I could look like. I think I find this peculiar because I believe I exhibit very strong qualities relating to the arts in my discussions and dating profile. I have other qualities. Despite this... I'm attracting women who are uniquely interested in travel to latin American countries and latin American culture. One of them has given lectures in Venezuela and another has a PHD in hispanic literature.

I think I forget how people frame their dating decisions. Each of these women decided in their own way whether or not to spend time with me. Due to this I suspect I'm naive to the possibility that on their end (the women looking at my profile) they see me as some kind of "type" that they either like or do not. I feel like I've not been entirely aware of that. It's interesting realizing that and seeing the common thread of these three dates has really shined light on it.

Has anyone else had similar experience of realizing people agreeing to go out with you have certain similarities you didn't expect?

Well, the question is are these the type of women you're interested in? I'm sure they're responding to your description and your image. You said in a previous post that you're not white. I would guess that since all three women visited Cuba and they are interested in Latin culture that they may be attracted to a sensitive but macho male who looks somewhat Hispanic. (Hispanic, of course, covers skin tones from black to white and includes people of African, Spanish and native nationalities.) And I believe you said you were in LA. LA is a big melting pot of people and you'll find all kinds of people attracted to all kinds of people.

But then, this is just surface attraction. Things are different once you get to know a person. I married someone totally different from the "type" of person I'm physically attracted to. I was won over by her intelligence, her emotions, and the fact that she wanted the same things in life. I would not have responded to her on Tinder or Bumble. So I would have totally missed out on meeting her if I relied solely on online dating.

Honestly, it sounds like you're kind of in super-analysis mode after being out of the pond for 8 years. Time to transition out of the head zone and into the who-cares-lets-see-what-happens zone.

Yes, you're always someone's "type." Simply put, you're the "type" of dude these women decided to say hi to, meet up with, see what's there—or not. That's all dating is, really. We put out some surface cues on a site (looks this, interests that) and people respond to us or they don't.

Well, the question is are these the type of women you're interested in?

I am interested in them to some extent. As far as I can tell so far. However I have to stress that I don't believe I know my "type". Some of those decisions feel arbitrary which is why I think I feel naive to how people have types and make particular decisions based on that. For example I've decided to seek women who are highly educated. I'm doing that because my ex suggested it. I have no idea what that would necessarily mean in a romantic relationship.

Honestly, it sounds like you're kind of in super-analysis mode after being out of the pond for 8 years. Time to transition out of the head zone and into the who-cares-lets-see-what-happens zone.

 

Yes, you're always someone's "type." Simply put, you're the "type" of dude these women decided to say hi to, meet up with, see what's there—or not. That's all dating is, really. We put out some surface cues on a site (looks this, interests that) and people respond to us or they don't.

I'm engaging in this analysis not because I think it's useful but just as a tangent. I enjoy trying to understand cultures and communities. Also I do think it's sort of useful. IF I am some sort of "type" it might be good to know that in order to find more women who are seeking my type. I also just find it slightly amusing.

Females must have their types.

I think I falsely assumed that people make decisions on a case by case basis.

I think I falsely assumed that it's often a case by case basis.

This is exactly right.

You're mixed race, if I recall. The mixed race people I know date so many different types of women. Correct me if I'm wrong but I remember you mentioning that you're attracted to white women but black women are typically the ones who are open to you. Your looks can vary so greatly and not being politically correct for a second if you have more African American/Latin features that's going to be what you attract, like discussed in a previous post, typically people are attracted to like featured people. That's not to say you won't attract a wide variety of women, that's just going to be your most common category.

Looks wise there's not going to be a rhyme or reason.

Personality? That's going to be where you attract certain types, if you are an intellectual you will attract like minded people. If you're a party guy, you will attract party girls. If you are broken you will attract broken, I will repeat, if you are broken you will atttact broken.

I have figureitout23 "ignored". None of their messages are visible to me although it states that they post a message for some reason. So I will not respond.

I take my blocks as a badge of honor!

What do you mean it requires some effort to visit Cuba? Myself (and almost everyone I know) has been to Cuba at some point or another.

And you're surprised that some women have a type? Why is that surprising? Men have "types" too. Some women go on a person by person basis (like myself) others have something specific they look for. I would imagine this is true of both genders.

I don't think you can tell whose type you would be based off of three different women--I think you just happened to have a coincidental string of dates. Women of all kinds might be interested in what you have to offer, but you really can't tell much off of a short blurb on a site. I'm guessing if you expressed your appreciation for the arts in your profile, you will be more likely to attract a woman who also enjoys the arts or wants what she perceives as a sensitive, cultured, or intelligent man. I think how online dating goes for most is 1. whether they like your look and 2. if how you present yourself in text sounds reasonable or appealing. I wouldn't go overthinking who is in your league now and who isn't, whose type you are or aren't. Stay out of your head and just have some fun, see if any of these women could be a match for what you want.

I haven't been on a date in 8 years. I went on my first date in 8 years two days ago. I ended up having a shockingly busy weekend with three dates. So now that the final one ended I'm reflecting on all three.

 

First of all I think dating for many heterosexual men is not a process of going through a list of people and then picking and choosing. The truth is for most of my dating experience it's been about going out with whoever is willing to go out with me. In other words I have not been picky. If I were I would not spend much time with women. So two of my dates this weekend were with women who actually spoke to me on a dating site. In fact they were the ONLY two people to speak to me on this dating site recently. A third one was someone I met on the dating site 8/9 years ago.

 

So I reflected on each of them and realized these women, who have chosen to go out with me, are A) similar B) paint a picture of who I attract and C) are defining the "type" of guy I _appear_ to be.

 

I don't find that offensive necessarily just interesting and peculiar. For example each of them speaks spanish. I'm pretty sure each of them has visited Cuba (if you don't know, it requires some effort to visit Cuba). Each of them is of a different race/ethnicity. From reading that you may have an idea who I am or even what I could look like. I think I find this peculiar because I believe I exhibit very strong qualities relating to the arts in my discussions and dating profile. I have other qualities. Despite this... I'm attracting women who are uniquely interested in travel to latin American countries and latin American culture. One of them has given lectures in Venezuela and another has a PHD in hispanic literature.

 

I think I forget how people frame their dating decisions. Each of these women decided in their own way whether or not to spend time with me. Due to this I suspect I'm naive to the possibility that on their end (the women looking at my profile) they see me as some kind of "type" that they either like or do not. I feel like I've not been entirely aware of that. It's interesting realizing that and seeing the common thread of these three dates has really shined light on it.

 

Has anyone else had similar experience of realizing people agreeing to go out with you have certain similarities you didn't expect?

Let me see if I understand this. You're basically saying that you'll go out with anybody. This means that they do the picking. As a result, you have a chance to see who is doing the picking. And this gives you the opportunity to make broad judgments about their broad judgments about you.

I guess you can sort of set up an experiment like this, but I think you'd better date a lot more than three women before drawing any major conclusions. But no worries; you're off to a good start with three dates in one weekend.