Sibling bullying?

Ok I'm curious. Everyone has always told me that I'm too sensitive and what my brother does is normal sibling behavior. I can be oversensitive, but I'm really weary when my brother comes to visit. Its almost like he has 2 personalities, a nice one and a mean one. A lot of times I don't know which one will come out. He tells me mean things (not jokingly): has told me I'm fat, stupid, ugly etc. He drove me to tears because I used his toothpaste, the insults he hurled at me were very painful, this happened years ago, but I am terrified of what he can say next. This isn't the only incident. It pisses me off how people tell me its "normal". He can be super nice, but I'm afraid of his nasty side. Do I need to grow a ticker skin? Cutting him out of my life is not an option and thankfully he lives far away.

Has he been this way as an adult or was this teenage stuff?

Has he been this way as an adult or was this teenage stuff?

These incidents happened when he was an adult, though he has always been this way. He also relished when my dad would lecture me and would give more ammunition for the lecture.

These incidents happened when he was an adult. He also relished when my dad would lecture me and would give more ammunition for the lecture.

Ok, then, he is an azz and just don’t bother talking to him.

Do you live with your parents? If so he has a right to visit and likewise you have the right to avoid, ignore, disengage, stay with friends at that time, etc. He won't change so don't use his toothpaste and avoid him.

Try not to ruminate on this so much. Just get out of the house when he visits. Why can't you go out with or stay with friends when he visits?

He drove me to tears because I used his toothpaste, the insults he hurled at me were very painful, this happened years ago

I don't think it matters if there is a label for sibling bullying -this situation relates to two individuals and it doesn't matter if it happens generally or even if others think he is a good person.. He's related to you, true and he's treating you in a disrespectful way so keep your distance as much as possible would be my suggestion. Sorry you have to endure this.

When brother comes to visit, can you find another place to stay--with a friend, or in a hotel? Do your parents tolerate his behavior toward you? If so, I'd ask them why they find it acceptable.

Hello, Thanks for reaching out. I am sorry your brother said these things. This is not fair to you. Older siblings and especially brothers can be mean. I'm wondering if you have talked to him. Tell him those things he said hurt. I admire your strength and you are beautiful inside and out. Best wishes!