Messed up with a crush

I need some advice. So two months ago I bumped into a coworker at the coffee dock. I had seen him before but never had a conversation with him. All of a sudden I noticed that I was unable to talk to anyone around him and I felt super shy. The following weeks I lost my appetite and was unable to sleep. I had the feeling that he sensed something cause we then started looking at each other every morning when he got coffee. I kept looking into his eyes and we kept looking at each other for too long.

After a few weeks he started smiling as well. Then all of a sudden he ignored me for days. I felt so hurt that when I saw him again the next time I followed him to the coffee dock. He was talking to people but when he saw me he turned towards me and he looked at me as if he was totally in love with me (that loved up look that cannot be faked) and spoke to me with a very soft voice. Weeks followed and he sometimes coyly smiled or laughed. I got the impression he was very shy.

I was being very discreet as we were at work but I noticed that he kept looking at me all the time even when he was with his own manager or coworkers. I did not look at him at all. I then noticed that his colleagues started noticing this and laughing. Then they also started grinning and laughing whenever they walked by my desk.

At the same other guys approached me and as he was constantly looking at me I think he noticed that.

I really wanted to encourage him to make a move and ask me out, so I started ignoring other guys and kept smiling at him even more. One morning I saw him walking to my desk very slowly and checking out the situation. There were hardly any coworkers and he smiled at me with a very shy smile. In the very last minute he turned around and left. the following morning he worked from somewhere else (close to the coffee dock and he never does this) and I deliberately went getting coffee on my own to make myself available to him. He immediately left and positioned to my right (the coffee machine is on the left). There were two other people standing on the other side (higher managers) and he just stood there next to me not saying or doing anything. there was akward silence. then eventually he broke the silence by saying to them ok I’ll let you go and get coffeee to the managers. I tried to make eye contact but he just looked down into his empty coffee mug. later he just kept staring at me. I felt he wanted to ask me out but kind of felt rejected.

The following days he changed his behavior from being flirtatious to being cool. At one stage he interrupted a conversation that I had with my coworker at the coffee dock and left with him totally ignoring me. I felt hurt. Later I caught him again at the coffee dock and I said I am sorry about last week at the coffee dock, I did not want to ignore you I just felt awkward. He said ‘what do you mean, I don’t remember this.” I felt so hurt that I said to him: “ I can’t believe you’re lying to me, of course you do remember. “ he nervously said “ I don’t. ‘ Then I said to him and ever since then you have changed my behavior towards me and you are ignoring me and your team is gossiping about me. He said “ I don’t think you know who my team is and why would I ignore you anyway.” He also said this is so awkward now. then he said he really had to leave. I spent the rest of the day fighting back my tears. I do realize people do project when they like someone but the moments we had were real and I don’t think I am projecting. I do have feelings for him and I am so worried that everything has been ruined. Is there anything now that can be done?

The workplace is for work. It's not a singles bar or a dating app. Try to be comfortable at work and be polite and professional with people. Do not get into "relationship talks" confronting innocent coworkers in the break room when as far as he knows, you and he just work there. Try dating outside of work, stop confronting people, be professional and it won't be this awkward for you or anyone else.

I did not intend to fall in love. It just happened. He was also openly checking me out more than once. Even though a workplace is a professional place it is humans who work there and humans are no robots. I wasn't even seeking a relationship at all but things happened. Now I need to know if there is anything that can be done to repair this?

You are not dating him no less in a relationship.

he looked at me as if he was totally in love with me

sorry, what do you mean?

I would like to date him and I would like to know if there is anything that I can do to repair it?

Chances are, he doesn't really like you that much in order to ask you out. I mean, you almost made the first move. He would have seized the chance but he didn't. You can't repair it because you didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

He checked me out more than once in front of others including my own manager. He was constantly looking at me. His colleagues and his manager noticed that I am sure. He was been awkward with me. I am not sure that he understood that I tried to make the first move. I apologized for something and he either did not know what I meant or pretended it but I think he wanted to make a move before. Maybe he just felt rejected and did not want to admit that he wanted to ask me out as he maybe shy and fears rejection?

I agree with Wiseman2. I would also add that people know when someone's staring at them, and other people can see that as well. The guy was probably staring at you trying to figure out why you were staring at him. And now he thinks you're crazy. So stop crying. There was nothing there. You misread the entire situation. Try to be professional when you're at work.

I only looked at him in the morning. there was just me and him. his coworkers started laughing when he kept looking at me. I wasn't looking at him at all as I did not want people to know. his coworkers then started laughing. also he did openly check me out more than once (no room for interpretation) and we had this moment when he looked at me in a loved up way. (nobody can fake it) Last week he was also very flirtatious and smiley (I am not imagining it). He thinks I am crazy because of what I said? this cannot be repaired?

I think you very much projected your own crush here, OP, and misinterpreted a lot of innocuous moments and gestures to mean something more. You are applying your own meaning and refusing to accept you might have been wrong.

It was certainly the wrong move to accuse this guy of lying about not remembering the incident you referred to, though; that does make you look a little bonkers.

Just leave it be now and don't make a habit of staring at him or assuming you know what he is thinking or feeling.

I think openly checking someone out is not the right message to convey that you are not into someone. also whenever he looked at me (again I did not look at him at all) his colleagues started looking at me wondering where he was looking it. after this happened more frequently they eventually started laughing. Some of them also started greeting me even though I never talked to them before. so is there a chance that this is not just in my head? I know that I made a huge mistake by accusing him of lying to me. I know that this is coming across as crazy. Is there anything I can at least do to come across as normal now. should I apologize? If so, how?

The reason I posted in here is because I am devastated by what happened and I am very irritated at myself by the mistake I made.

I think openly checking someone out is not the right message to convey that you are not into someone. also whenever he looked at me (again I did not look at him at all) his colleagues started looking at me wondering where he was looking it. after this happened more frequently they eventually started laughing. Some of them also started greeting me even though I never talked to them before. so is there a chance that this is not just in my head? I know that I made a huge mistake by accusing him of lying to me. I know that this is coming across as crazy. Is there anything I can at least do to come across as normal now. should I apologize? If so, how?

No, I would just leave it alone now. It's already awkward. In time, it will be water under the bridge.

what if he really tried to ask me out last week? what if wasn't just wishful thinking? I still have a crush on him and I would like to date him. How can I live with the awkwardness? I should not apologize?

and if these moments I described really happened and I am not just projecting is there a chance that he might not think I am totally crazy for accusing him of lying?

Dare I say that I think you are living in your head and are way too pushy and forward. This guy is NOT interested in a relationship with you. This is all in your imagination, your fantasy and wishful thinking. Back off with all the "flirting" and checking him out and focus on your job, which is what you're paid to do.

what if he really tried to ask me out last week? what if wasn't just wishful thinking? I still have a crush on him and I would like to date him. How can I live with the awkwardness? I should not apologize?

He didn't, girl.

You are imagining a lot of things because you want them be true, but they just aren't.

You seem to be projecting and I totally agree with Wiseman that work is for... work. Not for flirting and relationship drama.

Just let it go and try to act natural and professional and soon you'll be over it.

Don't become the laughing stock at work. Date outside of work and date guys who actually ask you out. Stop the awkward staring at him, strange talks with him and strange behavior at work and toward him. There is no "we" here and he is not secretly in love with you.

his coworkers then started laughing. we had this moment when he looked at me in a loved up way.

sorry to keep asking but how can you be so sure that this is all in my head without having been at present? Also by checking me openly out he was trying to convey the message that he is not into me? Also he was constantly looking at me (I wasn't looking at him at all) and that's when people started laughing.

is there at least anything that I can do to make him not think of me as being crazy? should I just be honest and explain to him that I have a crush at him and when he told me that he did not remember the encounter at the coffee dock, I was so shocked that I accused him of lying? I can't just leave it. I have to say something.

No, telling a coworker you have a crush (obsession and erotomania, in this case) is creepy, awkward and very unprofessional.

Google erotomania: "delusion in which a person (typically a woman) believes that another person (typically of higher social status) is in love with them".

A better option is to talk to human resources and see if they have employee health program or some sort of counselling or mental health program. The talk to that professional about all this.

should I just be honest and explain to him that I have a crush at him. I can't just leave it. I have to say something.

I don't have erotomania because I do not claim that he liked me. I am just saying there was flirting and looking and checking out which could mean that someone is interested. I do also find it harsh to diagnose someone you don't know of a mental issue.

I don't wanna be seen as creepy by him and I wonder if there is a way to change it? I made a mistake by accusing him of lying but this happened within seconds and I realized very quickly that this should have not happened. I wonder if there is something I can say to him that won't make me look crazy anymore?

sorry to keep asking but how can you be so sure that this is all in my head without having been at present? Also by checking me openly out he was trying to convey the message that he is not into me? Also he was constantly looking at me (I wasn't looking at him at all) and that's when people started laughing.

is there at least anything that I can do to make him not think of me as being crazy? should I just be honest and explain to him that I have a crush at him and when he told me that he did not remember the encounter at the coffee dock, I was so shocked that I accused him of lying? I can't just leave it. I have to say something.

Because he has made zero attempt to talk to you. He's had plenty of opportunity to speak to you or otherwise interact with you, according to what you have written, but he's taken none of them. That's not the behaviour of an interested man.

If you want to make yourself look less nuts, do not now tell him you have a crush on him. If you insist, go ahead and apologize for accusing him of lying. Full stop. I don't think it's going to change his impression of you now, though, unfortunately.

he made an attempt to talk to me a few weeks ago but I left with another coworker. He has also been awkward and shy. shy people do not talk to other people easily. I am shy myself and I won't talk to people who I like.

I thought an explanation would help him understanding and change his mind about me. Can one sentence really change everything. Isn't everyone making mistakes? Is there a way that he might not think of me as being crazy after all? I always thought honesty might help?