My boyfriend doesn't trust me

Hi so I don't really know where to start and it might seem like this will be all over the place so please bare with me. I guess I'll start with giving a lil back story on my relationship I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. He is my first and I am his idk maybe 4th or 5th relationship. And all of his relationships ended with all his girlfriends cheating on him. Now I say this because I have a friend that he is not so fond of. And his exs had friends that turned into more then just that. Granted I did tell him way early on in the relationship that I had 2 guy friends. And he was not happy about it and we had a very heated argument and he said that im just like them and that everything I said he's heard before. Fast forward to recent days my phone that I thought was broken my bf somehow got it to turn back on and he wanted it I have it to him went home and later that night I guess he decided to read my messages between my friend and I and he was of course jealous and upset saying things like I never mentioned him once in our convos and I'm much more happy seeming and different and funny with my friend then with him and saying that we are a lot closer then I led on and he was mad that his messages were saved on my phone and that I'm probably reading them which I dont And just things of that nature. But honestly if you can see my messages we literally just send dumb videos and we joke around like normal friends do and I speak to him very little maybe once a week or every other week. But it just so happened that the last message my friend sent me was him wanting advice on his relationship. So I was being encouraging and helpful saying things like you deserve someone that'll also see how special you are or something like that. So yeah after that (months after) incident my friend out of nowhere texted me and wanted to hang out we decided to go to the arcade and my bf asked me What I was doing and i told I'm at the arcade with my friend and he said which friend and I said the friend you dont like. Now it's been about 3 days and were still arguing about it. The funny thing is the next day I went to see my bf n he didn't have anything to say to me in person about it. He said he was mad about it but he was smiling that's all I really got from it. I guess he feels More comfortable talking to me about these things through text. I'll show you some of our interactions

I thought you we're a different person thats all

Me: Different how what type of person did you think I was

A better one

You dnt respect that and you dnt respect my feelings and really you dnt care what i think aboutchu just as long as you think youre in the right

Me: Omg just go youre full of honestly why are You even talking about this out of no where. You cant even talk to me about how you honestly feel in person and this is extremely impersonal

Me: And i care a lot about what you think about me actually it hurts a lot to know that you see me in such a bad light

You dnt care if i think youre a cheating nasty yuck face You say it over and over to think what i want

Me: Because it's true you arent even listening to what i have to say or thinking about my point of view in all this No matter what i say to you youre just going to believe what you want so whats the point in me trying to talk you out of anything? Do you actually think I'd cheat on you?

And i dnt knoe if you are or not but i definitely wouldnt say that youd never do that

Me: If you didn't care then That Would just show that you dont value me or us so im glad that you do care Youre painting me out to be this terrible person. And no matter what I say youre just going to always see it as suspicious or bull. So this isn't me acting like a victim or thinking that this is outta no where. This is me giving up maybe I'm explaining myself improperly. it's not like I'm good at talking anyways or maybe you just aren't trying to understand my side of things I'm not a cheater I wouldn't hurt you in such a way I love you and value you and respect you as a person and as my partner. And it's sad that you didn't stop to think that maybe I don't see anything wrong with it because I'm not sexualizing things like you are and I'm not viewing it as an intimate meeting like you are because It genuinely was just me hanging out with a friend. I didn't hide anything from you I was blunt and honest with you because I knew I had nothing to hide. Which are things a cheater wouldn't do.

Me: You dont want to listen reason you dont want to evaluate both sides to a story or understand the other persons point of view you just want to stick with what you feel and how you see things only you youre going to regret how stubborn and closed minded you are

Im not the one with anything to lose here you are

Me: you can lose a lot of people that way

I really dnt care if i lose you If you think im being unreasonable then leave cuz im not changing my mind

Me:I think I've shown you and told you many of times through out us being together that I'm serious about you and us and I dont want to jeopardize anything

You haven't done any of those things So when you go out with a guy without telling me and talk all buddy buddy and do i dnt know what with eachother then its cause for alarm for me i dnt care how many millions of times you say that its not like that i have no reason to believe you Youre the one that needs to understand

Thats pretty much it I honestly feel really hurt about this situation especially knowing how he sees me even though I shouldn't because hes hurt by it too. I can't just expect things from him knowing he's been betrayed so many times and I try to be understanding it's hard sometimes and I've been honest and patient with him. And I know at some points I did let my anger and frustration get the best of me when we were talking which isn't the best and I dont really know how to properly express myself and communicate with him all the time and I wasn't trying to force him to believe in me I just wanted him to at least be open minded and understanding and not just jump to the conclusion that I cheated we've been together for 2.5 years which I know isnt a long time but I think that would be enough for him to know me better then that by now. I havent lied at all and I feel as though ive been good to him even from its like whenever we get in fights I'm just the worst human on earth like I never am good enough and I dont do good enough for him things like this really do a lot to me emotionally as well. But still he really does mean a lot to me and I'm just pretty much at a lost at what to do or what I can do differently I know this was very long but any advice or help will be greatly appreciated and I thank those that took the time to read what I had to say. Thank you in advance

He's a controlling jerk. Dump him.

You are incompatible in your romantic relationship boundaries (he doesn't want you hanging out one on one with opposite sex friends and you don't see that doing that is a problem). You have two choices with someone like him who has a history of being cheated on and is still paranoid about it.

1) you dump all of your opposite sex friends and accept his paranoia and therefore avoid causing him to become paranoid. or:

2) you dump him and find someone who hasn't the baggage that he has.

Until he comes to terms with his romantic past, he is always going to be insecure and paranoid about his partners male friends. That is the bottom line.

I don't know why you've been putting up with him for 2-1/2 years. This guy is jealous and insecure. And like you've said, he should know you by now and know you're not a cheater.

What's going on here is he's using the excuse of you cheating on him to control and manipulate you. He wants to isolate you from your friends. He's emotionally abusing you. The arguments are designed to make you back down and submit to his point of view. They're also unwinnable. You can never prove that you're not cheating. You can't prove a negative. And it just gives him a device to keep hammering away at you.

The proof that you're being abused is what you said at the end:

"I havent lied at all and I feel as though ive been good to him even from its like whenever we get in fights I'm just the worst human on earth like I never am good enough and I dont do good enough for him things like this really do a lot to me emotionally as well. But still he really does mean a lot to me emotionally and I'm just pretty much at a lost at what to do or what I can do differently."

This is a textbook example of what abused people say. You've hit all the issues. You feel as if you could just form your words well enough and you could communicate better, he would understand. That if you could just change yourself, the relationship would be better. That he's jealous because he really loves you.

You should Google "emotional abuse" and "emotional dependency" and you will see both him and you described perfectly.

Unfortunately, what you have to face is that it isn't you, it's him. There is nothing wrong with you. He is trying to destroy your confidence and your self-esteem and to turn you into someone who will do what he tells you to do when he tells you to do it. It's a toxic relationship. You need to say goodbye and move on. You will feel better and once your mind clears, you will see the relationship for what it was.

Whoa.

While I'm all for supporting all sorts of wild love stories, this is just a hot mess. Your bf came into this relationship with some serious unresolved issues about women and he's been flinging them on you like a controlling child. Simply put, you don't deserve this. You are YOU, a unique, compelling human who should be appreciated as exactly that—not the solution to someone's past. The more it goes on the crazier you'll feel, and you'll just find your sense of self evaporating.

People have friends. Same sex friends. Opposite sex friends. Those friendships need to be accepted and celebrated by a romantic partner, not seen as threats. My ex-gf cheated on me too. It wasn't much fun, but I don't look at women as cheaters and I'm not scared of being cheated on again. I processed it, accepted that chapter, let it go. Now I'm seeing someone else and appreciating her for who she is—not some answer, not some threat, just a special woman.

Sorry you're going through this, but it's time to get out.

Girl, do I understand. Most of my friends are men, always have been, and I got involved with a guy for nearly a year who had previously been cheated on a few times. I didn't see my friends out of respect for him during the relationship, offered to always invite him along in the future but he didn't want to be included, and it was kind of an unspoken rule that it wasn't okay for me to see them (in a group or at all, I felt). I still wanted to get together occasionally, as I only tend to see my male friends a handful of times a year or less, and with the arrival of summer I knew there would be some events coming up.

All hell broke loose when he declined to make 4th of July plans with me and told me to go out with my mom instead. I ended up making plans to see my mom, my old neighborhood friend, and his mom at a beachside condo they invite us to every year. In all fairness, this friend is a bit off socially and sometimes can make me uncomfortable, but I have NO interest in him whatsoever and wasn't going to be alone with him, either. My boyfriend hung my character out to dry, saying I had no empathy, that he would never do that to me and it made him doubt my long-term decision-making skills, that we must have different values in life, that I always thought I was right because I wouldn't apologize for the situation (that he essentially put me in--I had originally very much wanted to see him instead and even offered to cancel), and we broke up.

And you're right. You can't convince them. It is a winless situation and a waste of time to defend yourself for hours on end because it certainly didn't matter what I said or didn't say. It wasn't about me. Ironically, my ex was my first--I had plenty of years and opportunities to screw any of these men if I truly wanted to and I didn't, but despite a Snow White past it just didn't matter because it wasn't logical to begin with. I was always going to be seen as guilty when it came to this.

I wouldn't curtail seeing your friends if there's no inappropriate behavior and you don't have underlying feelings for them; that's how you become emotionally isolated walking on eggshells for someone else's insecurities that are their issue to work on. I feel like once you capitulate to one unreasonable demand, there will be another and another until you're a shell of yourself. So I honestly feel like your options are limited if he's not willing to take responsibility for his side in this and instead try to deflect his insecurities as a slam on who you are as a person.

Either you can both agree not to have opposite sex friends and risk slowly making your world smaller and possibly resenting him over time to avoid triggering his fears, or you can part ways and find someone that will always trust you and give you the benefit of the doubt regardless of what social situation you are in. There's a slim possibility that you can continue to live your life the way you have and refuse to take responsibility for his issues, but I doubt he would suck it up and decide to let it go.