girlfriend is annoyed bcz i want to do dangerous sports

So i ve been with my gf for a month now. Every time I start talking about buying a motorbike, or doing something else dangerous according to her she gets insane and doesnt want to even her about it and reacts exaggeratedly and doesnt want to do me this kind of stuff. When i talk to her about it that i was keen to adrenalin sports before i met her she says yeah BEFORE you met me now you have me so you have to be responsible, i love you so much and you are the best man i have ever been with and i cant let anything happen to you and i want to be with you for at least 100 years. I get her point and i also get that i have to act more responsible since now i am in a relationship but this kind of behaviour appears to me a little bit manipulative and selfish. What do i do? Shall i break up with her?

You two are not compatible, and she sounds immature if she if she is saying things like she loves you so much and wants to be with you for 100 years after a month of dating. I agree she's trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants.

I would end it and find someone more reasonable and mature.

You two are not compatible, and she sounds immature if she if she is saying things like she loves you so much and wants to be with you for 100 years after a month of dating. I agree she's trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants.

 

I would end it and find someone more reasonable and mature.

Yeah i agree it is immature, but i do have the same feelings for her

A lot of girls don't want their boyfriends riding around on motorcycles. I wouldn't say it was controlling or manipulative. And it's only selfish because she doesn't want your brains splattered all over the road. I would say that if you want to ride your motorcycle, do it when she's not around

In stark terms: if you ride and die, you'll die happy. She will have only loss.

If you are rigid about riding, then say so. She will need to decide what she can accept. It may help if you demonstrate some empathy for her experience when you expose her to a greater risk of losing you. I

I bet part of what attracted her to you is your love of adventure. There's a simple rule in not being miserable in relationships and it's don't try to change the person you are with. Accept them for who they are, or be with someone else.

It's up to her to manage her anxiety. Not on you to change to suit her.

There's reasonable compromises but you aren't talking about that. She's just immature and controlling. Reasonable compromise is like my mom and dad had- dad gave up the crazier riding and a few of his bikes when they got married and had kids. I was on the back of a bike even as a little girl, on mini cruises.

I'd tell her this is who you are. You'd rather not spend your time together being dictated to, so it's up to her if she can handle she's with an adrenaline junkie. If it's not one thing, it'll be another.

After only 4 weeks, it may be best to cut your losses. This one may be a bit too anxious/clingy for you. Find a girl who is into extreme sports.

my gf for a month now. When i talk to her about it that i was keen to adrenalin sports before i met her

These are the kind of conversations you simply don't want to be having after only a month. It doesn't bode well.

Look, I ride a motorcycle every day, surf big waves, and generally do a lot of things that are considered too dangerous by most people. I'm well aware of the risks, but the rewards, for me, outweigh them for the time being. I've dated women who loved the bikes, who hated then, who were indifferent, but all accepted that it was something I did—part of me being a pretty adventurous guy. Part of me, really, nothing to do with them.

I wouldn't even entertain a conversation like this, at least not until I was, say, having a child with someone. A month in? I respect her concern, but the execution is a bit extreme. You'll end up seeing this kind of behavior over and over again whenever she's uncomfortable with something.

Yeah i agree it is immature, but i do have the same feelings for her

You love someone you've dated for, what, 28 days?

You love someone you've dated for, what, 28 days?

Yeah, I'll just chime in here to agree: this is not love, not yet, and I'd challenge both of you to do some thinking about why you're so keen to express emotions in such lofty terms this soon. Because that's a bit connected to her melodramatic reaction about you wanting to ride a motorcycle.

The first month, first six months, even the first year is still very much an infatuation stage. You may have good instincts about a person, and some very real and heady feelings, and there may be great comfort and fiery chemistry, but you hardly know them. You're infatuated, a bit drunk on it all, and what you "love," really, is that high. You love how YOU feel, not the person, not yet.

To me, people who express love this early are actually expressing a combination of personal anxieties (will I get hurt?) and hopes (is this my forever?) and using the words "I love you" as a kind of blanket. It's an insecure form of love that really sets up a codependent cycle that burns hot, burns bright, and burns out quickly.

A month dating and telling her you were an extreme sportsman...I would tell her to kick dirt. She has a right to express her opinion, but not to prevent/convince/demand you to stop. I do extreme sports as well (martial arts, in/outdoor rock climbing/bouldering) and my bf was fine with it. He knew the deal beforehand, and never complained. He sometimes joins me as well.

My bf now wants to get a motorcycle. I am aware of the danger and expressed minor concern for his safety, but am supportive of his decision regardless. Recently my coworker's husband ended up in the ICU after an accident, while I've heard other unfortunate stories, but I only brought up this information in order to warn him to be very cautious and to practice defensive driving. I have concern, but this is his decision to make so I will only inform him of potential consequences or methods of prevention.

Honestly, motorsports are not as bad as driving a motorcycle on the road. Other cars alongside a smaller vehicle pose a higher risk due to their unpredictability, while sports are more controlled. I say, if she is more concerned about motorsports than driving on the road, then I say she's full of it. Driving on the road has a higher death rate. She does sound immature and controlling. Immature, due to the tantrums and declaration of being together for 100 years after only one month of dating. Controlling, due to policing your hobbies that are less risky than regular activities in daily life (driving).

Ask her, why isn't she concerned about you driving on the road? It's among one of the highest causes of mortality in areas who utilize vehicles. This is not about responsibility. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean you now have to start eating healthier, exercise more, stop extreme sports, or any other activities that may affect the length of your lifespan.

She is WAY out of line, in my opinion.

If you are about to be married or have babies, this type of conversation is reasonable. Under these circumstances, a debilitating accident can have very real consequences to your joint finances, to the family you create, to lifestyle, etc. And even then, it should be a discussion not a command.

When you’ve only been dating a month - this is the time to get to know each other as you are and accept each other as you are. She is in NO position to make such requests, IMO.

You are incompatible. I don’t think you should try to change to suit her... you should just leave her to find someone who shares her views.

Yes, I would end it now. And yes if you had children it would be more reasonable. My cousin was in a terrible motorcycle accident years ago outside the state where his parents were -his mother flew in and his partner of course was devastated. He ended up ok. We do have friends with children where one parent does something in the way of extreme sports- so it exists and it's their business of course.

She is not for you and that's ok - you will find someone who feels as you do if this is such a priority for you.

Yes, I would end it now. And yes if you had children it would be more reasonable. My cousin was in a terrible motorcycle accident years ago outside the state where his parents were -his mother flew in and his partner of course was devastated. He ended up ok. We do have friends with children where one parent does something in the way of extreme sports- so it exists and it's their business of course.

 

She is not for you and that's ok - you will find someone who feels as you do if this is such a priority for you.

Well we talked about it properly and she seems she accepted the fact Im an active guy, although she is not very happy with that. I know it sounds immature about staying together for 100 yrs (we have been together actually for 2 months, not one, but it is not a big difference) and she always seemed concerned about this activities etc. Another thing, yes, she is very insecure, said already she loved me but i do have same feelings for her. It might be early to say it and im little bit scared she does not love me but the idea of finding finally her husband bcz she was single for past three years and often says she cannot believe she found a person like me, i have the same feelings. I dont want to leave her and she is scared of me leaving her too, but as someone stated in this threat, i am afraid the love will suddenly burn out. What shall i do?

She is WAY out of line, in my opinion.

 

If you are about to be married or have babies, this type of conversation is reasonable. Under these circumstances, a debilitating accident can have very real consequences to your joint finances, to the family you create, to lifestyle, etc. And even then, it should be a discussion not a command.

 

When you’ve only been dating a month - this is the time to get to know each other as you are and accept each other as you are. She is in NO position to make such requests, IMO.

 

You are incompatible. I don’t think you should try to change to suit her... you should just leave her to find someone who shares her views.

I completely agree with ^^^ after just one month, this is insane. Neither of you love the other, it's just too soon. You should not change who you are to suit her.

I completely agree with ^^^ after just one month, this is insane. Neither of you love the other, it's just too soon. You should not change who you are to suit her.

Im not trying to change who i am. I talked to her and she looks she accepted it, but doesnt seem really optimistic into it

Yeah i agree it is immature, but i do have the same feelings for her

Okay then decide what/who you love more.

Adventurous/dangerous sport or her.

Keep in mind if you choose her -- unless you maintain some boundaries, and choose to remain true to yourself (which in my opinion you should always do even in a long term committed relationship) -- you can kiss goodbye any sort of adventurous/dangerous sport, unless you lie to her, which I don't advocate doing.

Perhaps you could explain to her you could die tomorrow in a car accident, would she demand you never drive a car again?

Or get hit by a car walking down the street, okay the risks are not as great but to ask that you give up something you love, a part of *who you are* because SHE is insecure, is over the top, demanding, controlling.

Do you honestly think you could be with someone like this long term?

You don't need to answer to us, but please consider within yourself.

So i ve been with my gf for a month now. Every time I start talking about buying a motorbike, or doing something else dangerous according to her she gets insane and doesnt want to even her about it and reacts exaggeratedly and doesnt want to do me this kind of stuff. When i talk to her about it that i was keen to adrenalin sports before i met her she says yeah BEFORE you met me now you have me so you have to be responsible, i love you so much and you are the best man i have ever been with and i cant let anything happen to you and i want to be with you for at least 100 years. I get her point and i also get that i have to act more responsible since now i am in a relationship but this kind of behaviour appears to me a little bit manipulative and selfish. What do i do? Shall i break up with her?

It sounds like you don't like your girlfriend. I know that you say that you love her, but here you are complaining to a bunch of strangers, calling her insane, exposing her to ridicule and insults. I wouldn't hang someone that I love out to dry like that.

Take things slower and don't over saturate things. Crash and burn happens in too much too soon situations. Also find stuff you can do together in addition to maintaining your own interests.

She sounds a bit too rainbows and unicorns and fairy tales. Bubbles like that have a tendency to break easily also. So there may not be much you can do about her Disneyland mentality. Can you handle that?

she always seemed concerned about this activities etc. i am afraid the love will suddenly burn out.

There is a big difference between true love and being insecure about finding a husband. All this talk of love and 100 years of togetherness is premature and based on lust, which does have a tendency to crash and burn once the initial sparks naturally settle out.

You two would be wise to slow down and get to actually know each other. See how well she can truly understand that you have hobbies and interests you intend to pursue, and that she does not get to dictate how you spend your free time.

Out of curiosity, how old are you both? And do you know she's spent the last three years looking for a husband?

There is a big difference between true love and being insecure about finding a husband. All this talk of love and 100 years of togetherness is premature and based on lust, which does have a tendency to crash and burn once the initial sparks naturally settle out.

 

You two would be wise to slow down and get to actually know each other. See how well she can truly understand that you have hobbies and interests you intend to pursue, and that she does not get to dictate how you spend your free time.

 

Out of curiosity, how old are you both? And do you know she's spent the last three years looking for a husband?

Both 25. She is not looking for a husband, but nothing like that, she even told me that she didnt commit relationship but be a friend firstly but then she changed her mind. But her parents told her that she has the best years to find a husband

Does she live at home? Are you or she in a culture where people must live at home until married or where an arranged marriage will happen if a potential husband in not found by specified time/age?

her parents told her that she has the best years to find a husband

Both 25. She is not looking for a husband, but nothing like that, she even told me that she didnt commit relationship but be a friend firstly but then she changed her mind. But her parents told her that she has the best years to find a husband

I am confused where you got this idea, then:

im little bit scared she does not love me but the idea of finding finally her husband bcz she was single for past three years

Okay then decide what/who you love more.

 

Adventurous/dangerous sport or her.

 

Keep in mind if you choose her -- unless you maintain some boundaries, and choose to remain true to yourself (which in my opinion you should always do even in a long term committed relationship) -- you can kiss goodbye any sort of adventurous/dangerous sport, unless you lie to her, which I don't advocate doing.

 

Perhaps you could explain to her you could die tomorrow in a car accident, would she demand you never drive a car again?

 

Or get hit by a car walking down the street, okay the risks are not as great but to ask that you give up something you love, a part of *who you are* because SHE is insecure, is over the top, demanding, controlling.

 

Do you honestly think you could be with someone like this long term?

 

You don't need to answer to us, but please consider within yourself.

I personally wouldn't do the "everything is risky" approach because of course that's true and to me that's besides the point because it really is about individual risks, why the person is concerned, and whether there is a compromise. The problem is that when people share what they're into as far as risk taking early on then it's really on the other person to decide whether she/he can handle that long term and/or whether there's a compromise. As far as true to oneself -that is crucial and also crucial to check in with oneself as to whether the risk assessment/interest level has changed. I have a friend who was run over by a bus three days after getting engaged to a guy she'd known for 3 months. She also refused to risk flying in an airplane because of a phobia she had. He stayed by her side and she planned the wedding during her rehab physical therapy. They've been married a dozen years.

So he has to live with the fact that every time they want to visit their families she has to ride the train -for days sometimes -and she needs a scooter/wheelchair to get around and has many physical ailments. So even though she has no issue with him flying, her risk-averse issues affect their marriage and child in a significant way. What I mean is that they knew about the flying thing from early on, the mobility/medical issues shortly after and they had to assess those particular risks/situations early on. I am not sure how the husband deals with all of it- all I know is he is constantly complimenting her/proclaiming his love for her on Facebook so I guess it's ok!

A long story but a combination of -yes, as Katrina wrote- anything can happen and yes you can decide early on -if everyone is open about this stuff -whether it can work.

I dont want to leave her and she is scared of me leaving her too, but as someone stated in this threat, i am afraid the love will suddenly burn out. What shall i do?

I think there are other issues here. It's not about riding motorcycles but about her insecurity. Is she keeping you from doing other things? Is she trying to keep you from your friends? Is she needy and clingy? You might be running into an emotional abuse issue.