Not sure what to do

Hi all,

I've been feeling really down lately and I could use some unbiased advice. I'll give a backstory and try not to make it too long, please bear with me!

So my current boyfriend, we've known each other since November of 2015. We live in different cities, but only about 2 hours by bus so nothing too crazy. We would meet up a few times a month to go on dates and stuff, but I wound up leaving for a job in Asia in June 2016. That, however, did not prevent us from keeping in touch, video chatting, texting, etc. It felt like the momentum was still going despite being in completely different time zones. I came back after a year and we picked up where we left off, and quickly put a label on our relationship. Fast forward to now--we've officially been "together" for a little over a year. His attentiveness and effort has drastically diminished over the past few months. I am often the one who initiates when we see each other next. He very rarely suggests meeting up or plans dates. He's not a planner (I am) and I've accepted that. But my biggest issue is the fact that he doesn't show any interest in coming to see me. We got into a fight about it recently and he is aware that I put in more effort in our relationship but he made it very clear that he has no desire in traveling because it's a hassle and he doesn't like the city I live in and he won't "have a place to crash" (I don't live alone and he's very much a private person). It's pretty ridiculous and in my mind, I'm not worth the trip. He told me that's not the case and he cares about me and blah blah blah, but his lack of action says otherwise.

Ideally, I'd like to see him every other weekend but I know that can be unrealistic. I guess I've been thinking a lot about how upset and disappointed I've been because of his inability to prioritize our relationship. I refuse to give him an ultimatum because that's not going to help anyone and I don't want to make any rash decisions because I know that he's capable of being reasoned with a changing things (because he's done it before). Yet at the same time, I've been so sad about it and he's been so clueless (I told him I was unhappy the other day and he just told me to "feel better soon"). I want to talk to him about it, but it's so hard when I can't see him in person. I don't know what to do or say anymore--help?

Wow. Feel better soon? What a cold answer and another sign, besides the lack of effort, that he doesn't care. He's too cowardly to break up. You've already talked to him and nothing has changed. If you had self worth, you'd call time of death on this relationship. There is an Irish proverb: Your feet will take you to where your heart is.

Sorry, but you haven't captured his heart. Don't let all the time and energy you've put into this relationship sway your decision. When you eventually meet a guy who makes you a priority, you will appreciate the new guy so much more after going through your past experience. I know that happened to me. Take care.

You're correct that no ultimatum is necessary. He's already checking himself out of the relationship, it seems.

He's not clueless. He knows how you feel; he just isn't interested in fixing it. I think unfortunately this relationship has run its course for him.

I think you're being too pushy and you're pushing him away. If it took me 2 hours to see you and 2 hours to come back, and I couldn't stay the night, meaning I would travel for 4 hours to see you for 2 hours, I would insist that you come visit me. You call it his "inability to prioritize the relationship," I call it just plain common sense. And what kind of ultimatum would you give him? Travel 4 hours to see me every other weekend or the relationship is over? Well, sorry, see you later.

I just think this is the normal winding down of a long distance relationship. It takes too much time and effort to keep the relationship afloat. Time to move on.

Sorry to hear this but LDRs are difficult, especially considering this event, which may have been when the rift started:

I wound up leaving for a job in Asia in June 2016. --we've officially been "together" for a little over a year. I don't live alone.

You're learning that there is no formula for making someone want what they don't want.

BF is being honest about his limits. You get to decide whether those are enough for you and whether you'll stay or go. If the answer is stay, then here you are. If the answer is go, the next question becomes 'when'?

Head high.

I used to be the one who traveled all the time to see my boyfriend. When we broke up (because when it's one sided you do break up) he admitted he wasn't into me enough to make the effort.

He isn't into you enough to make the effort.