Long distance, am i overreacting?

Hey, I really need advice about a relationship im in right now. It's a bit of a long distance relationship, not exactly by car (20mins-1h away from her home and workplace) but atm she works like most of the day and I work 8h a day as well so there's not really that much time to be togeather. We've been dating for about 3 months now and it started out great but than it somehow got complicated.

I'll write about our mayor fights that were actualy the reason for this so i'm sorry for the really long post and my not so good english but i wanted to be totaly honest and explain the relasionship in detail as i saw it up to now and whats bothering me. And some realy needed advice on how to continue!

As i said it started out great, we had fun together but thats usualy the case in all starting relationships i guess. I was confident she was really into me and boy was i into her and still am. She could tell as well since i was looking at her all the time like she was a unicorn. She was also very jealous at first, had problems with me going to a techno party with my best friend (that was planed before we even started dating), and it didn't help that we were staying at my ex girlfiend's college house that she was not staying in since it was summer and end of semester. I was up front about it and explained that there will be no one in the house, her brother would just leave the keys hidden and i'd return them there when we got enough sleep to drive back home next day. I also explained that i honestly just love techno music and had no intentions other than just let go on the dancefloor. Anyway she later explained that it was realy hard for her when i went. And that she didn't want me to go to partys w/o her but i didn't agree with her. I'm of a opinion that if u really trust someone and if your serious about the relationship u could let them go to a party alone. Specialy if they dont listen to the same music. And i let her go to one as well later on, drove her and picked her up. Sure it's not a good feeling, ur brain is always telling u stupid things i guess but that is not a reason to not let someone have their own time. Btw the reason she gave was that she doesnt trust other chicks and its not about me and i said that it's up to me like it's up to her if theres someone hitting on u that u stop it and make things clear right? There were bist and pieces here and there but i was convinced we moved past this.

But than i guess my mindset got in the way? On vacation we were walking down the street and a cuple goes past us and i automatically looked at her face and she starts talking she knows her and i turn around to look again, also automaticly, and than she asks why was i looking at her? Here i go and do a huge mistake i guess and decide to just be honest coz to me it honestly didn't mean a thing and say, i dunno guess she was cute looking. If that wasnt bad enough the girl was her classmate that treated her bad in elementary school and she always hated her. I mean what are the chances. And to me it realy didnt mean a thing it was just an objective observation and 2 mins later i didnt know how she looked like. I know i made a mistake and we had a discusion but she felt that i was just apologizing so we wouldn't argue anymore and that i'm not really sorry. She was right to an extent beacuse there are plenty of cute girls out there and i mean that objectively like u'd watch a beauty contest. I would never look any of them like i look at her. By mindset i mean that, i know she's gonna find other men good looking as well i'm not naive enough to think i'm the best looking guy on the planet but she wouldnt hear it i guess. This wound was festering and i'm gonna come back to it later coz not too long after this i made another stupid mistake that proly tiped the whole thing downward.

So there was a party we both went to. We both had our own friends there. It was after a whole day turnament that me and my team won so i was with my friend from techno party that she knew already. She was coming to greet me now and then we talked about it before, i said its fine if shes with her friends that she hasnt seen for a while. Here i should mention she also still has contact with her EX that actualy wants her back. But at the start i was confident and she said she finished with him and they stayed friends. She left him because he cheated on her (at least that what shes told me) and that he wasnt serious about the future with kinds and all that. Fine i'm still confident at this point and not jealous, i saw them talking at the party with some of the other friends with them when i went to pee and somehow with a little to much to drink i had a "great" idea to now show HER that i could be jealous like she was before. And it was in front of my friend, she told me the next day that i was yelling at her and grabed her when she wanted to leave and that i had a crazy look i guess. I was shocked at myself. I do know i raise my voice when i try to make a point in any discusion, i've been told that a lot and the music was loud so i had to kinda yell and i was doing it into her ear so only she would hear. But after i thought about it it might have looked scary to her i guess. I would never hurt her, nor anyone alse! I was now disgusted with myself that she saw me like that and just for something that i should have never even tried in the first place with someone i cared so much about but i'm not perfect i know when i make a mistake but the deed was done i guess. From that day on she never saw me the same again i think. We talked it out, i said i was trying to make a stupid point and that it was childish and horrible and that i would take it all back if i could! That i love here and dont want to loose her over something stupid like this! I promised her i would never do anything like it again and i ment it!

Now everything changed. I'm coming to my real problem now. She was never big on replying to my texts even before this but after, it got even worse. It's only 20 mins ride to her and when i asked if she wanted me there to sleep over there was always somehitng. Or she'd say whatever if u'd like? Or fine than come? Like it was a real bother. Than we made plans for the weekend on our free days, how we'd go to aqua park for the whole day etc. I was ment to come pick her up friday and i was looking forward to this for the whole week and she actualy suggested it. Than she says on friday that theres a party and she'd really like to go with her friends and if i could come pick her up in the morning and we'd go. I was a bit dissapointed ofc but hey i want her to have some fun after a hard week of working! We set an hour for the next day at 8 am. And she's a real heavy sleeper (was working night shifts only for year and a half) so most of the time she asks me to call her and make sure she wakes up for work beacuse she just runs off alarms. Anyway in the morninng shes unreachable. I went to the store bought everything for the trip that we were suppose to do togeather and it was already an hour past what we said. I get to her house and wake here and i understand that u can be grumpy specialy after a party but she treated me like . Everyting i said was wrong. She kept picking a fight like she wanted me to brake it off. Sure i got excited after a week of not seeing her and plans we made but for someone to make u feel so unwelcome i snaped. I said i cant do this anymore. All i wanted was for us to spend a day togeather that we planed and even if she said a day before she just wanted to cuddle for the whole day i'd be happy. I felt worthless and i just couldnt take it anymore. And it was building up to this with just the neccesery replys to my texts, her never texting first. I left the house and than we texted and i let it all out. Told her i deserve better than to be treated like for just wanting to spend time with her! That she's changed and asked her if she loves me still or why doesnt she end it if i'm such a bother!

And than i found out that she closed her self up from that day on vacation for fear of being hurt by me leaving her. That she used to cry at home coz she was afraid i'd leave her and she couldnt take it anymore. I asked her why even bother having such a relationship it's only doomed to fail!? Said at the start she felt that i didn't show her that i loved her enough. We poured our hearts out and found out that we could have solved this a long time ago and if i only knew how she felt i'd do my best to change it! But we both though we're unwanted and it only drove us apart. We decided to stay togeather went on a nice trip that day and things did change back! I'm not the guy that opens up easily, and i realy made an effort to tell her how i feel more often and pour my heart out to her in texts. I opened up a lot more after this and she became more responsive with her texts and calls as well. It is a long distance relatioship and i think a small gesture like a "miss u" or a heart here and there during the day really helps. She also changed about the visits and seemed to be excited for me to come. All was good but now i began to wonder again.

She started a new job as a waitress and it's a strain on the relationship. Thing is, texting problem is still kinda there. THIS IS WHAT I WANT ADVICE ABOUT! She expects me to snap or text her during the day but she doesn't do the same. And when i tried not doing it so often since i felt i was bothering her she complained why didnt i text her more. Problem is she sees my text in Facebook than i see her online cuple of times in between and than she replys usualy a lot later and in minimalistic mater or just skips a question altogeather. I talked to her about it and she says she doesnt have time and i just cant belive that. To not have like half a minute to write somethig back to someone u love? And now it's eating at me if she takes time to talk to anyone alse when she says she's busy what would that mean? I cant see it objectivly and i don't know if i'm overreacting so i need advice since it makes me doubt. She's a waitress in a bar where its mandatory to have as much contact with guests as possible and last week she was working till 2 am and slept in a room in an apartment building behind the bar and didnt come home for a few days. And with her so rearly texting and being kinda mysterious about what she does during the day + having a lot of FB "friends" and adding new ones like every day from that town especialy makes me wonder a bit. And i'm afraid if i ask her about it after all we've been trough so far she's gonna think i dont trust her and put another hole in a relationship. And how crazy or "sick" it is to ask her if she'd show me who she's talking to? I dont know how i got this way! Guess i got hurt in the past and i find it really hard to trust now. I would just like to see how she reacts to flirts in chats coz i know 90% of those guys want something. And by seeing she makes clear boundaries would realy help build that trust up strong! Is that the wrong approach and should it be the other way around not doubting untill u get a realy good reason to do so?

Any opinion on how this relashionship looks from the outside and any advice regarding my trust issues would be greatly appreciated. At least i got it out and down on paper if anything and I apologize again for the long post!

Thank you

She's too much trouble. Time to move on.

Yep, after reading this very long post this is the same conclusion I came to.

She's too much trouble. Time to move on.

I told her how i felt about her not texting that much and last cuple of days it got better and it does seem she's realy trying. She leaves home at 7:50 and comes back at around 18:30. I've been in her situation and when ur at work for the whole day u need some time for yourself not to mention friends/family. This is a temporary job for her to save some money for a month or so more than she's gonna look for something closer to home with more free time. She also told me a few times already that she's aware of how troublesome she could be and that she knows a lot of the guys would already leave. Maybe it really is me thats too clingy? I just thought she's worth the w8 at least but like i said i just can't be objective about it. I don't have a lot of money so i know she's not using me for that and she does tell me often that she loves me and that I mean the world to her. And that she would like to move in togeather in the near future so we could be togeather. I'm thinking I should just focus more on me while we're like this and let her dictate when we see eachother since she's the one with so little time and not be hmm "invasive" by always me asking her if i can come over. I'm judging based on my feelings if i were in her shoes i know if she'd offer to drive to my house and sleep over and than go from my place to work i'd want that as much as possible but she doesn't seem to. Oh and i forgot to mention she lives in a house with 2 roomates, (boy and a girl) and they seem to get along and do stuff togeather. And quite a few times including today she's going out with them or having a movie night and says i proly wont get along with them so she doesnt invite me. And i've met them a bit so i know she's proly right but still, would be nice if it was up to me at least.

Should i realy just move on and not give it more time?

Talking in any form is a two way street, she should give as much as she wants. If she isn’t willing to put effort into communication with you then what is the relationship really worth?

Should have moved on Saturday. The two of you don’t see each other for a week in a fairly new relationship with plans made and she chooses to go out with friends instead. Sorry but when my wife and I started dating we couldn’t send enough time together, especially when we hadn’t seen each other for a week.

Should have moved on Saturday. The two of you don’t see each other for a week in a fairly new relationship with plans made and she chooses to go out with friends instead. Sorry but when my wife and I started dating we couldn’t send enough time together, especially when we hadn’t seen each other for a week.

Yea that is my concern as well since i want to spend time with her rather than my friends and i know they'd understand specialy when we dont see each other a lot. But i just don't get why is she with me than and "having" all these plans for the future? Why would she want to have a serious relationship with me like this? Why put any effort into this. And i met her familly and she mine and we're already pretty familiar as well. I do remember her telling me once that this was already a problem for her in the past and that one of her ex's left her because she didn't have enough time for him. Does she just think she's in love with me and has totaly different view of a relationship? I don't know why i cant just let it go. Don't know why i want it to work so badly, i'm not afraid of being alone or anything i was pretty happy being single before her for a time. Logic and brain keeps telling me to just let it all go but heart doesn't want to let go....

Because you care for her a lot more then she cares for you.

She cares more for her friends.