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Thread: Should I meet that girl?

  1. #1
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    Should I meet that girl?

    Ok, so I recently posted something about my current situation. To summarise, I've been dating my partner for 2 years, it's a long distance relationship but one that so far was working really well and I could (and can still) imagine a future with her. Recently I met a girl in a bar, we talked and spent the night dancing. I felt guilty about it because I felt really attracted to her and it made me ask myself lots of questions about my current relationship and whether I'm ready for commitment (I'm only turning 23), even though we didn't kiss or anything (we were just "tight"). Also, by the way, we weren't drunk.

    Now here's the thing. I can't stop thinking about that girl. Some people suggested it was merely sexual attraction because I mostly mentioned dancing together promiscuously. But no. It's not, I know it, and I want to ask you for some advice about this. When we left each other, I refused to give her my details because of my commitment to my current partner, but then I sorely regretted it and I keep thinking about seeing her again.
    How do I know it's not just sexual lust? Because when I think about her, I don't think about sex. As simple as that. I'm just constantly day-dreaming about continuing the conversation we had started. The idea of never seeing her again makes me absurdly sad. I'm DYING to talk to her again. I MISS her. I feel like I want to know everything about her. I keep trying to convince myself it's a terrible idea but this desire keeps coming back.

    Now here's my question... Do you think it's ok for me to just talk to her over a coffee even though I'm currently in a relationship or is that basically cheating? I think I still love my partner and right now I can't see myself breaking up with her but at the same time my curiosity for that other girl and my desire to have a conversation with her is so strong it makes me restless... what do I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It seems you want your cake and eat it too. Why can't you see this as a clear indication that you are not ready to settle down and the long distance is wreaking havoc with your hormones.

    You know you're going to meet her and try to eventually have sex with her. so this sounds more like a rhetorical question to assuage any guilt you have. Why string the hometown "good girl" along?
    Originally Posted by williamlook
    The idea of never seeing her again makes me absurdly sad. I'm DYING to talk to her again. I MISS her. Do you think it's ok for me to just talk to her over a coffee even though I'm currently in a relationship or is that basically cheating? I think I still love my partner and right now

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    No, it's not okay to meet her. You know that.

    You indicated in your last thread that you also deliberately avoided telling this other girl that are not single. If your desire is so strong that you are considering playing with fire like this, I would strongly caution you to think long and hard about whether it's time to end your relationship.

    I don't fault you for being curious about others, as you are still quite young, but don't start exploring those options while you are another girl's boyfriend. It's not right. Don't be That Guy.

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    I am really tired of people knowing that they will be cheating but going ahead and acting innocent and asking the question. Yes, taking her out to test the waters would be cheating -- and it is really a low-life move because you are keeping your girlfriend around just in case this new thing doesn't work out. You are clearly over your girlfriend and all obsessed with this new chick -- that is fine. Break up with your girlfriend then pursue this new girl. Don't be a slimebag.

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    One girlfriend at a time. You will be tempting fate and sending mixed signals if you go after this girl while being in a relationship. It wouldn't take much for you two to wind up in bed together. Don't start a relationship with a new girl while you have a girlfriend. It's just an infatuation. Try to control yourself.

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    Maybe you should break up with your current partner. I don't think you're really in love with her..

    I am in a LDR and if my fiancÚ was acting like you do, I would be already gone. What you want to do is cheating. Think twice before hurting someone.

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    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    You would knowingly be cheating if you further interact with this other girl.

    Start putting your energy into your girlfriend or she will start feeling like an option to you instead of a priority, then there goes your happy, trusting relationship. She doesn't deserve that.

    Seriously, stop obsessing right now or you will ruin what you have.

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    Originally Posted by Flute13
    Maybe you should break up with your current partner. I don't think you're really in love with her..

    I am in a LDR and if my fiancÚ was acting like you do, I would be already gone. What you want to do is cheating. Think twice before hurting someone.
    Acting like I do?
    I'm confused and asking for advice on a forum, how is that acting?
    All I've done so far is danced with another girl, and I told my partner about it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by williamlook
    Acting like I do?
    I'm confused and asking for advice on a forum, how is that acting?
    All I've done so far is danced with another girl, and I told my partner about it.
    And continued to obsess over her, try to come up with ways to see her again. You didn't just dance, you've made it perfectly clear that you believe you connected with her on a deeper level, which was inappropriate. And now you continue to push the issue in wanting to see her again.

    Try to play innocent all you want. You are not being faithful and you're not being a decent boyfriend at all.

    How would you feel if your girlfriend were putting this much thought into another guy? A good guy, that wouldn't do her wrong?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    And continued to obsess over her, try to come up with ways to see her again. You didn't just dance, you've made it perfectly clear that you believe you connected with her on a deeper level, which was inappropriate. And now you continue to push the issue in wanting to see her again.

    Try to play innocent all you want. You are not being faithful and you're not being a decent boyfriend at all.

    How would you feel if your girlfriend were putting this much thought into another guy? A good guy, that wouldn't do her wrong?
    I'm obviously not in control of what I feel for other people. I would never blame my girlfriend for thinking about someone else, or even obsessing over someone else, since it's not anyone's fault. I'd be sad about it perhaps, but wouldn't think she's doing something wrong.
    Same for connecting with someone on a deeper level... how am I responsible for that? It just clicked with that girl after a casual conversation. I didn't decide I wanted to connect with her.
    I'm also not playing innocent at all, which is precisely the reason why I told my girlfriend what happened and we've been discussing the status of our relationship.
    I'm just trying to come to terms with my emotions and seeing that girl in itself may be a bad idea but it is not clear to me whether this is cheating in itself from the moment I do not clearly intend to try to seduce her but just want to talk to her and be in a better position to assess my feelings.

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