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Thread: Should I meet that girl?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Then talk about an open relationship so you can ditch the LDR headaches and both explore uncontrollable feelings. 🥂
    Originally Posted by williamlook
    I would never blame my girlfriend for thinking about someone else, or even obsessing over someone else, since it's not anyone's fault.

  2. #12
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    You are only 23 and already restless with your relationship. I think it's time to gracefully end that relationship before pursuing this woman. Just know the grass isn't always greener. It's easy to fantasize about someone when you don't really know them and compare them to a woman who you've seen in a variety of real life, less-than-romantic situations.

    That being said, I have somewhat of an unconventional belief system so I do feel that two people can meet at first sight and have intense feelings/an intense connection with each other that supersedes the situation at hand. Given your age, I feel like you are bound to come across these temptations again and it might just be best to let your current girl go and explore what else is out there. Your girlfriend deserves more than "I think I love her" after 2 years.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by williamlook
    I'm obviously not in control of what I feel for other people. I would never blame my girlfriend for thinking about someone else, or even obsessing over someone else, since it's not anyone's fault. I'd be sad about it perhaps, but wouldn't think she's doing something wrong.
    Same for connecting with someone on a deeper level... how am I responsible for that? It just clicked with that girl after a casual conversation. I didn't decide I wanted to connect with her.
    I'm also not playing innocent at all, which is precisely the reason why I told my girlfriend what happened and we've been discussing the status of our relationship.
    I'm just trying to come to terms with my emotions and seeing that girl in itself may be a bad idea but it is not clear to me whether this is cheating in itself from the moment I do not clearly intend to try to seduce her but just want to talk to her and be in a better position to assess my feelings.
    Tell your girlfriend you want to meet with this other girl. Ask her if she would consider that cheating. Really, your girlfriend's definition of cheating is what matters here. Not ours.

    You know this is inappropriate. Thinking about another girl is not wrong - but hiding your relationship status from her to give the impression that you're single and coming up with a plan to meet her is. When you are in a relationship, common sense and respect for your partner would suggest that you don't go and talk to another girl to assess your feelings. When you're trying to rationalize doing so, you know your relationship is likely coming to its end.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    You can control how you feel, and until you figure that out, you're not ready for a serious relationship. If people couldn't control how they felt, then no one would ever stay married.

    You are accountable for yourself and your thoughts. You will have moments of attraction toward others but then you let it pass. You're CHOOSING to put further effort and energy into it. That is your choice. So you are choosing not to be committed to your girlfriend. You're choosing to explore this other option.
    Last edited by indea08; 08-08-2018 at 03:37 PM.

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  6. #15
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    Ask your girlfriend what you should do? If the situation were reversed how would you feel about this scenario?

    End the relationship with your girlfriend. You know that this is not right.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by williamlook
    I'm obviously not in control of what I feel for other people. I would never blame my girlfriend for thinking about someone else, or even obsessing over someone else, since it's not anyone's fault. I'd be sad about it perhaps, but wouldn't think she's doing something wrong.
    Same for connecting with someone on a deeper level... how am I responsible for that? It just clicked with that girl after a casual conversation. I didn't decide I wanted to connect with her.
    I'm also not playing innocent at all, which is precisely the reason why I told my girlfriend what happened and we've been discussing the status of our relationship.
    I'm just trying to come to terms with my emotions and seeing that girl in itself may be a bad idea but it is not clear to me whether this is cheating in itself from the moment I do not clearly intend to try to seduce her but just want to talk to her and be in a better position to assess my feelings.
    Bullcrap. Every instance presents a choice, and you can choose to see where something goes or walk away at any moment. While you were clicking with this other girl, you could have talked about your girlfriend and how much you like her, the great thing you have going, and it would have shut the whole thing down right away. If you are already into this girl, talking to her more is going to make your feelings grow. The best way to assess your feelings is to back off - not to pursue. If you back off for a while, and still feel like you want to pursue, then you have had time and space to rationally come to a conclusion. If you start with pursuing, you are making your choice at that point.

    Pulling a difficult u-turn is not as bad as driving past 3 "road closed" signs and then going off a cliff.

    Most affairs begin with these kind of wishy washy "well I have to see how I feel" things. If people were more aware of their own behaviors and drivers, they wouldn't get themselves into these kinds of situations so often. Be mindful. Humans are supposed to have evolved to the point where they can act opposed to their base lizard brain emotions.

    I don't personally care what you do - just understand the decisions you are making and why. And if you really are into pursuing the new girl, and your girlfriend is not into the open thing, you are going to have to be a man and say goodbye.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Basically you want to meet this other girl and see if you can trade up from your current gf.

    If you want to do this right then leave ALL outside forces, desires and dreams out of it and decide if you want to stay in your current relationship. Don't make it a choice between 2 women, make it what is best for both you and your gf.

    If you decide to end the relationship for the right reasons then spend some time alone deciding if you should be in a relationship at all at this point in your life. Then follow that path.

    Swinging from one girl to the next is not the right way to go about this.

    I am sure your gf is hit on all the time and she has managed not to grind on any guys on the dance floor while apart from you. What you did should give you some food for thought...

    Lost

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Dude, it's obvious to everyone that you want to meet with this new girl to see if the spark you're imagining is real. The only way to continue a relationship with the girl you just met without crossing moral boundaries would be to end your current relationship first.

    As someone who has experienced firsthand what it's like when a long-term partner grooms your replacement while they are still half-heartedly with you, please don't continue down your current path. None of your thought process would be happening if you really loved and cared about your current partner. Let her go, so she doesn't have to deal with the even worse pain you're about to inflict upon her.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by williamlook
    I think I still love my partner and right now I can't see myself breaking up with her but at the same time my curiosity for that other girl and my desire to have a conversation with her is so strong it makes me restless... what do I do?
    Key word here is ďthinkĒ. You either love her or you donít.

    In my opinion when you have to think about it, you donít.

    Youíre young thereís no shame in exploring other options just donít string your girlfriend along for it.

  11. #20
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    Break up with your gf. Meeting and contacting that girl would be cheating. Do the right thing. Don't leave damage that would be irreversible.

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