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Thread: Getting in my own head

  1. #461
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    I dunno I kinda interpreted amk's comment about vows meaning it's not necessarily the words (vows) spoken on your wedding day, but the committment behind the words, what those words/vows represent.

    A couple does not need to get married to have that commitment, commitment comes from their hearts.

    To which I agree, I am not a big proponent of marriage (for various reasons), but do believe in and a big proponent of commitment.

    Anyway, just my interpretation of what she meant, probably because it's how I feel so I was projecting a bit, I think we all do a little of that.

  2. #462
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I dunno I kinda interpreted amk's comment about vows meaning it's not necessarily the words (vows) spoken on your wedding day, but the committment behind the words, what those words/vows represent.

    A couple does not need to get married to have that commitment, commitment comes from their hearts.

    To which I agree, I am not a big proponent of marriage (for various reasons), but do believe in and a big proponent of commitment.

    Anyway, just my interpretation of what she meant, probably because it's how I feel so I was projecting a bit, I think we all do a little of that.
    I did not interpret it that way -she was very dismissive of what marriage vows mean and yet she's harping on all the promises he made to her.

  3. #463
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I dunno I kinda interpreted amk's comment about vows meaning it's not necessarily the words (vows) spoken on your wedding day, but the committment behind the words, what those words/vows represent.

    A couple does not need to get married to have that commitment, commitment comes from their hearts.

    To which I agree, I am not a big proponent of marriage (for various reasons), but do believe in and a big proponent of commitment.

    Anyway, just my interpretation of what she meant, probably because it's how I feel so I was projecting a bit, I think we all do a little of that.
    This is exactly how I meant it

  4. #464
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    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    This is exactly how I meant it
    OK I understand - and I agree that it's the act of saying the vows and meaning them in front of witnesses and often many people who love you plus living the vows.

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  6. #465
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    This is exactly how I meant it
    But isnít it a bit contradictory to all your idealistic expectations.

    I mean in the world of shoulds it goes first comes love then comes marriage then comes baby with the bby carriage.

    Im not so rigid of course, but I dont live on should haves...

    You SO need to truly learn who you are Alex.

  7. #466
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    But isnít it a bit contradictory to all your idealistic expectations.

    I mean in the world of shoulds it goes first comes love then comes marriage then comes baby with the bby carriage.

    Im not so rigid of course, but I dont live on should haves...

    You SO need to truly learn who you are Alex.
    I agree (and hopefully they were caught kissing in a tree). I think what she meant was she'd take him back even if he didn't want to marry her as long as he still wanted to be her SO and make babies with her. So she'd give up her dream of marriage (which I think was her dream from previous posts) if he would agree to be with her and have children with her. She would forgive his latest behavior just so long as he would take her back.

  8. #467
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    She would forgive his latest behavior just so long as he would take her back.
    Indeed. The door is obviously still open for him. She just plans to give him a hard time about it.

    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    I don't know if I could take him back, because I will always remember this pain.

  9. #468
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    He has not reached out, nor come around. Its been two weeks. Its over.

    I'm still sad. I'm also very mad. That I meant so little to him, that he couldn't speak to me ever again.

    At this point, I sadly know he isn't right for me, and he has issues, whether homesickness or depression, that is external of myself. I don't feel I did anything wrong.

    I am truly in shock he just won't talk to me ever again. Its crazy. The last time I saw him he was fine and we were fine. Something happened when he went home for the holiday. He came back depressed, not himself, and distant.

    He is immature and I think he has this perfect life planned out, but it isn't realistic.

    I don't know many women who he is going to meet here, who will take his overly conservative stubborn judgmental attitude. A women who will be 100% into moving across the country with him, to the middle of no where in the woods. A women who never ever wants to have a pet, cat or dog. And he was asking how I felt about moving with him right away. That's weird. I feel like a normal relationship would just be getting to know one another, growing together, and then if the time came, we could together talk about moving, jobs, and a plan. By then, we would be secure and the idea of moving would be more appealing. He needed someone that was okay moving there after one month of dating. Who knows that after a few months? When the move wouldn't be for a year or more.

    I accepted him and was flexible, compromising to his wishes. But to a point. When I did speak up, and we sometimes did not agree, he would run away. Have to hastily get off the phone, etc... he did this multiple times. He was very judgemental.

    That's not reality. Real life is communication and talking out your issues as a team. He was very immarure and almost couldn't handle bursting his perfect future life bubble.

    I see this now. Its unfortunate things ended the way they did. But if it is meant to be, it will be. And it should be easy and less stress. After three months, a relationship should not involve a drunken attack on the phone. That was so wrong. I should have seen it then. Alcohol can sometimes enhance who someone really is. He was scary. Not the life I want or deserve. I was good to him.

    I need to find someone more on my wave length with my goals.

    Where we support each other, not just one person's plan and the other follows.

    I am not looking for anyone right now. My job is busy and my life is busy. I'm content focusing on my professional and self growth.

    I'm back to my life before him and have resumed my goals and plan for the long term.

  10. #469
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. You're probably right that he's not right for you.
    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    He has not reached out, nor come around. Its been two weeks. Its over. I sadly know he isn't right for me, and he has issues, whether homesickness or depression, that is external of myself.

  11. #470
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    That I meant so little to him, that he couldn't speak to me ever again.
    Be careful with your inner thoughts. We don't know his thoughts. Sometimes people ghost because they are overwhelmed by their emotions even as they know it needs to end. My point is, after 5 months has passed, I would characterize the action as irresponsible and avoidant etc. At the same time, I would avoid characterizing his motivation.

    Its clear based on how he has behaved that you wouldn't want him; in that way, better now than never.

    I am sorry for your loss and look forward to a brighter situation for you.

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