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Thread: Getting in my own head

  1. #441
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    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    I'm not going to reach out to him, but I still am trying to process and wrap my head around him not wanting to talk to me anymore. Like why?

    I just wish I knew. Part of me wonders if he got insulted that I questioned and accused him of leaving me or just seeing me while he lived here. He got frustrated that I didn't trust him. I do, did trust him, but the way he was talking just seemed like he was going back himself no matter what.

    And then he admitted it.

    I just don't understand why he won't talk to me. I truly thought he loved me. Why hurt me and ignore me?

    When we first started dating, he left a few things at my house, to prove to me that he wouldn't just up and leave me. I still have the items.

    He's alone. I feel alone. Why would he want to sit alone day in and day out, when he could easily be with me, the person who loves him, and loves spending time with him. I don't think asking for quality time together is too much to ask.

    I know this will take time to get over. I am so so depressed. Why won't he talk to me? Want to fix things?

    I want to send him so many thing "I thought you loved me?"

    "What happened to us?"

    "Why won't you talk to me?"

    "I thought you cared for me and you said you were so happy with me"

    I won't. I know pestering him isn't the right way, but I just wish I could understand why. I don't deserve this. I gave my heart. Its crushed. I'm broken. I wish I could turn back time. Maybe that conversation didn't have to happen. He runs away from any difficult or emotional conversations. I could never change that. He immediately got off the phone when things got tough. Made excuses that he had to go. He did it often.

    We need to talk about things now and he's avoiding me for over a week. I truly can't understand this. Grow up, call me, to either try to be with me again, or break up with me like a real man. Ignoring me forever is more hurtful and cruel.

    If he wanted me back he can come to my house to talk. Explain hinself. We can try and fix problems. Make more steady plans for the future.

    I wait every day for a call, text, visit. Every day is disappointing.
    After everything he's done, you STILL want him back???

    I stand by what I said...you want "Boyfriend", not him. And you're mourning the loss of who you thought was finally going to fill that role, not the actual person. Because if it was truly him, you wouldn't want him anymore, not the way he treats you. Who would want all of that misery back?

  2. #442
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It sounds like he didn't want to be called out on that you both knew he would be moving back and it was just for now. At some level you both knew that was the case.
    That incident was just one little blip, and OP did nothing wrong by probing further, anyone would after being told that. That is not why he's not calling her.

    And it was not just "for now." He talked about moving permanently and not taking her with him, ending the relationship.

    There was soooooo much wrong with this "relationship" 45 pages worth, the guy wanted OUT, after five months, he was done, the fantasy died, period end of.

  3. #443
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun

    Who would want all of that misery back?
    An addicted person would. In this case love addiction which is very very real.

    The person KNOWS their partner, in this case ex (drug) is bad, hurtful, causes them pain, but they need their fix!

    All they can think about is how good that fix felt, it's a temporary high, a reprieve from the pain.

    Then crash, just like in this case. More than once in five short months.

    To me it's very obvious she's addicted, and to amk you might want to pick up a book/article and read about that too.

  4. #444
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    An addicted person would. In this case love addiction which is very very real.

    The person KNOWS their partner, in this case ex (drug) is bad, hurtful, causes them pain, but they need their fix!

    A temporary high, a reprieve from the pain.

    To me it's very obvious she's addicted, and to amk you might want to pick up a book/article and read about that too.
    To me it's not obvious and I don't want the OP to find a label which will let her make excuses. Seems pretty typical and basic to me. The lady doth protest too much ala Shakespeare -she shouts from the rooftops how much she wants a spouse, how she "gives her whole heart" (violins in background) and she refuses to walk the walk. Many people do this in various facets of their lives. Sure some might have an addiction but I think the abuse and addiction labels and "toxic" are thrown around much too easily/freely and often it gives people like the OP the "ohhhh I can't help it I have an addiction" excuse.

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  6. #445
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    She's said before that "everyone" except her has a boyfriend or husband. And that she really hates being the "only one" who doesn't.

    I think that's why she gets overly attached, gets "very excited" (per the opening post of this very long thread, not even about this same guy!) and why she's so upset it didn't work out even though it's only been a few months and this guy was showing sketchy behavior months ago. She MUST "love" the guy to justify wanting to cling to him even though he's kind of lousy. Same with "work guy". He showed her for nearly a year that he wasn't interested in dating her, but she convinced herself he was the one she wanted. Probably because at the time she had no other prospects.

    Alex, please try to really examine what it is you allegedly "love" about this guy. Nope, not the sugary words or how he treated you "like a princess", but the actual meat and bones of his character and person that you love. The real stuff, not the fantasy fairy tale stuff.

    Although, I suspect that combined with the "I finally found a husband!!", it's precisely the fantasy stuff you love...not real life.

  7. #446
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    Not ruling your theory and bolt's out and ok I was wrong to say it was obvious.

    I am only mentioning it as a possibility so she can become aware and take steps to overcome it.

    If she is unaware, she can't take steps to help herself, conquer it and prevent it from happening again -- I mean it's been going on for years, different face, SAME story.

    NOT as an excuse to continuing wallowing in self pity and playing the victim.

    Same with the abuse card.

    JMO you and bolt could be right too.

  8. #447
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Not ruling your theory and bolt's out and ok I was wrong to say it was obvious.

    I am only mentioning it as a possibility so she can become aware and take steps to overcome it.

    If she is unaware, she can't take steps to help herself, conquer it and prevent it from happening again.

    NOT as an excuse to continuing wallowing in self pity and playing the victim.

    Same with the abuse card.

    JMO you and bolt could be right too.
    I would leave that to a professional diagnosis. I think the OP would be inclined to spin it as an excuse.

  9. #448
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I would leave that to a professional diagnosis. I think the OP would be inclined to spin it as an excuse.
    Agree but sadly she refuses to seek help from a professional.

  10. #449
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    Another reason why I thought/think it might be an addiction of sorts is how she talks about him and what she misses about him, what she is literally obsessing about.

    His big strong arms wrapped around her, how he made her feel with all his flowery words, his touch, the high she felt by all that.

    It sounds like she literally craves that again (her fix) not like what you said, the "meat and bones" which were not ever there to begin with! And of course all the times he hurt her and made her unhappy, crying, like now.

    None of that matters, she just needs his big strong arms around her, soothing her, comforting her, making all her pain go away. Again, her fix.

    Anyway, again jmo who knows. I don't think even she does, sadly.

  11. #450
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    Alex, here's a question for you, I hope you answer, and please be honest.

    If this turkey came back wanting to get back together but told you he never wants to get married, would you go back?

    Serious question, please be honest.

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