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Thread: Getting in my own head

  1. #431
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    Now I'm almost feeling anger. I'm mad. I did not deserve to be treated that way
    I deserved so much more. He should have calmed me down about the moving thing and we could have talking more realistically with each other about our relationship.

    I have been sweet, loving, and thoughtful to him. Never mean or hateful. Never trying to hurt him. Always there to support him.

    He didn't treat me awful always. But this time is unacceptable. I deserve so much more. I deserve to be with someone who doesn't make me wonder if they are selfish or are going to take off one day. Reassurance is huge. I think reassurance from both partners is a good combination of actions and words.

    Not ignoring someone when you have an uncomfortable conversation
    I deserve more than this. I reached out. I was willing to talk it over. Considered taking him back.

    I could and cannot forget this. How I'm feeling, depressed and upset. He caused this.

    I'm done. As of now, I'm pushing myself to let go. I'm looking around right now. My job is good and makes me so happy. My friends make me happy. My family makes me happy. My apartment makes me happy. I'm trying to get healthy, but overall I am happy. I can't let him ruin all I've worked so hard for.

  2. #432
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "because he was drunk, which created most of his behavior"

    No, he created his behavior. He chose to get drunk and chose the consequences.

    Please do not tell yourself you are "too sweet and understanding". That is not the issue. You are too insecure and too needy of a "boyfriend". That's not sweet, it is self-absorbed. You're not too understanding - you're too much of a doormat and you settle for scraps just to have a "boyfriend". Very different and the only way you'll be motivated to change is if you stop the silly notions that you are just "tooooo sweet and understanding" for this cold cruel world.

    I would also stop with the "but I love him" - right now the feelings are not important -your actions and reactions are what are important. Telling yourself stories about this big LOVE will just add to the drama and the fantasy. You knew him for 5 months. You were exclusive for less than that time. And in that time, all these red flags.
    OMG Bat is so spot on^^, not sure there is much more to say!!!

    She nailed it!

  3. #433
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    >>He should have calmed me down about the moving thing and we could have talking more realistically with each other about our relationship. <<

    Wha???

    Why should he have calmed you down? He was DONE number one. Which I still don't believe you've allowed to sink in yet.

    Number two, you should have calmed yourself down. That's your job. And then wished him well and walked!

    That said, anger is the more appropriate response here, but you need to feel anger at yourself too, for tolerating his bs for as long as you did.

    You don't score points with men by being so "sweet, understanding, loving and giving," especially when they pull the type of crap this idiot did.

    Like Bat said, you placed yourself in doormat position which gave him license (in his sick mind) to continue jerking you around, which again YOU allowed.

    Bottom line, he lost respect for you, assuming he had respect for you in the first place, which is debatable, since you don't respect yourself or didn't behave like a woman who did while dating him.

    So imo, if there is anger to be felt, feel it towards yourself for allowing this, and take a vow to NEVER allow it again.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 01-11-2019 at 03:29 PM.

  4. #434
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He's testing you to see if you will accept his abuse. He will expect you to apologize, then come back for more.

    If you do, it will be open season. He will conclude you like being cursed at. You will be giving him a license to treat you worse.
    I wrote this to you on 11/25. Looks like it came true.

    Stop with the "he shoulds". That will get you nowhere. Except if he does come back like last time with some lame excuse you think you can get back together.

    You said last time you wouldn't tolerate being treated poorly. Well, you did, didn't you?

    What is it you want? Really?

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  6. #435
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    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39

    No pets, okay. Moving, okay. Gold ring, I can wear that. My accent, I'll work on it. Its worth it for him.
    This level of desperation is alarmingly unhealthy.

  7. #436
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why don't you get a change of scene and visit your parents for a while? Take some time off. Perhaps that would ease your pain and interrupt the obsessive circular short circuit you're in.
    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    Now I'm almost feeling anger. I'm mad. My family makes me happy.

  8. #437
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    I can't really take off for long because of my job. But my mother has come to spend the weekend with me, so I am not alone.

    I know me. I say I'm fine, but later tonight I'll be in hysterics being alone. It'll be good having her here for a while.

  9. #438
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    I'm not going to reach out to him, but I still am trying to process and wrap my head around him not wanting to talk to me anymore. Like why?

    I just wish I knew. Part of me wonders if he got insulted that I questioned and accused him of leaving me or just seeing me while he lived here. He got frustrated that I didn't trust him. I do, did trust him, but the way he was talking just seemed like he was going back himself no matter what.

    And then he admitted it.

    I just don't understand why he won't talk to me. I truly thought he loved me. Why hurt me and ignore me?

    When we first started dating, he left a few things at my house, to prove to me that he wouldn't just up and leave me. I still have the items.

    He's alone. I feel alone. Why would he want to sit alone day in and day out, when he could easily be with me, the person who loves him, and loves spending time with him. I don't think asking for quality time together is too much to ask.

    I know this will take time to get over. I am so so depressed. Why won't he talk to me? Want to fix things?

    I want to send him so many thing "I thought you loved me?"

    "What happened to us?"

    "Why won't you talk to me?"

    "I thought you cared for me and you said you were so happy with me"

    I won't. I know pestering him isn't the right way, but I just wish I could understand why. I don't deserve this. I gave my heart. Its crushed. I'm broken. I wish I could turn back time. Maybe that conversation didn't have to happen. He runs away from any difficult or emotional conversations. I could never change that. He immediately got off the phone when things got tough. Made excuses that he had to go. He did it often.

    We need to talk about things now and he's avoiding me for over a week. I truly can't understand this. Grow up, call me, to either try to be with me again, or break up with me like a real man. Ignoring me forever is more hurtful and cruel.

    If he wanted me back he can come to my house to talk. Explain hinself. We can try and fix problems. Make more steady plans for the future.

    I wait every day for a call, text, visit. Every day is disappointing.

  10. #439
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    What makes you think he's alone?

    Apparently you are not reading any of our posts, I posted earlier I highly doubt he's alone.

    You were a fantasy he got bored with and now he's on to a new fantasy with a different woman.

    Since you didn't read my earlier post, that's how it is with guys like him, who make lots of promises, then suddenly disappear with no warning.

    One day you're in, the next day your OUT. Poof just like that.

    You are NOT the first woman this has happened to and you definitely will not be the last.

    Ghosting is very common, it sucks but it's REALITY.

    Pick up a book or get on the Internet and read about how often it happens, or just read all the threads and posts on this forum that discuss this -- I am shocked how unaware you are, it truly boggles the mind.

    I mean you are not a teenager anymore, you are a grown woman, you should be more aware of this stuff!

    And know how to protect yourself against men like him, the signs were there from the get go!!

    I do hope you feel better soon and PLEASE look into getting yourself some therapy!

    Edit: I am sorry this was harsh but it's really difficult having sympathy for you anymore, since you refuse to do anything to help yourself.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 01-12-2019 at 01:08 PM.

  11. #440
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like he didn't want to be called out on that you both knew he would be moving back and it was just for now. At some level you both knew that was the case.
    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    Iwonders if he got insulted that I questioned and accused him of leaving me or just seeing me while he lived here.


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