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Thread: Getting in my own head

  1. #11
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    I believe your previous thread was titled "Does he like me?"

    Yeah, you worry more about whether or not they like you instead of whether or not YOU like THEM.

    Why?

  2. #12
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    I want to shut down some of the comments about him trying to convert me.

    He doesn't go to church himself and says he follows some of it, but not a lot. I don't really get the vibe that he wants me in his religion.

    Getting me alone and into bed, maybe.

    He told me I was way more appealing, because I wasn't like that. I was classy and nice.

    I also want to follow up. That the whole entire date was phenomenal. I think we could have talked for hours more if I didn't have to go back to work. He was a really nice gentleman and I had a great time
    He was fun, energetic, and sweet. He wasn't this bad person who I'm fawning over. He had good qualities.

    The fat comments came when we were driving back. It sort of ruined the whole good time. I think I'm fat. But he clearly doesnt think so. I'm thinking he thinks fat is like 200+. But I am sitting thinking he hates any ounce of fat, because he went on this rant.

    The talking a ton is weird. He's very opinionated and forward. I like confident guys, so I like it, but it intimidates me. Makes me overthink that maybe what I say isn't as interesting or important. He does ask me a lot of questions about me and my life and wants to know kore and more which is nice. Some guys barely ask me anything and don't want more in depth.

    The trip thing was definitely weird. He did mention to me that he likes to do that. He's gone on spontaneous road trips before with guy friends, friends that are girls. He told me a story of him and a girl friend who took off to another state for a weekend. He said nothing happened, but they had the best fun time.

    The friend thing was just weird to me. Like do you want a friend or do you want to date?

    I don't know that much about Mormons so maybe having a girlfriend to them is like on the marriage track?

    I'm strughling to feel good with myself. I keep second guessing myself. I know I am doing it. I keep trying to push it off. I'm a catch. Smart, pretty, accomplished career. He sees it. I keep searching for signs does he like me, does he not? I worry way to much is someone will like me and I want to stop, but the thoughts and feelings overcome me. Especially guys who are super attractive and outgoing such as this guy. Those are the guys I always want, but those are the guys that intimidate me.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    He mentions he is a Mormon. And adheres to some of the rules and teachings but not all.
    Apparently the above is true
    Originally Posted by amkxoxo39
    Still deciding if his place or mine. He mentions how he doesnt mind his, but there will be many others there.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Are you in therapy? You've got some self-esteem/security issues here—issues you're clearly aware of—that need some sorting out. If you're hoping for someone else to sort them out by being into you you'll just be anxious, regardless of the guy.

    As for this guy? Look, it's clear he's not really doing it for you right now. Yeah, he's cute, nice, an engaging conversationalist. But what else? He's left you feeling anxious, intimidated, and has made some overtures ("friends," trips) that feel weird. That's not your fault. That's not his fault. That just...is. That's two people not quite mixing, something that happens out there in dating-land a million times a day.

  5.  

  6. #15
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    'If you're hoping for someone else to sort them out by being into you you'll just be anxious, regardless of the guy.'- I respectfully disagree. When a bloke's really into you you know it, you feel it, you don't need to agonise or analyse or question yourself in any way, and that gives you strength to deal with new r-ship anxiety and insecurities. I don't think there are many truly super-secure self-confident people out there; there are some who hide it better, play the confident part better.

    'That's not your fault. That's not his fault. That just...is. That's two people not quite mixing, something that happens out there in dating-land a million times a day' - absolutely wholeheartedly agree. Two people not quite mixing, clicking, gelling, call it what you want. Very well said. It just..is. No-one's fault.

  7. #16
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    I think you have to go with your gut here and forget this guy. There are a couple of major red flags here in my opinion that you can't ignore. The fact that he would talk about his family in this way and about overweight people like that in general makes me question his treatment of people. It's one thing to say that he's concerned about some of his family member's health, but to say some of things that he did makes me question his respect for other people, how he treats people in general, and his emotional maturity.

    And, it sounds like you're looking for a relationship. This guy is practically telling you that he's looking for casual, imo. He's asking you if you will be his friend, which could possibly lead to more. I can't help but take what he's telling you as a warning. Meaning, if things don't work out relationship-wise, he can just come back and tell you that he explained to you from day one he was only really looking for a friendship. It's an out for him. Guy just wants casual, so if you're looking for something more and meaningful, I'd walk (no run) away.

    Too many red flags here to ignore and if you continue with him, I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Reading about this date.....OP.....my creep alarm just went off the scales. Yes, creeps are incredibly charming in some ways. The parts you should be paying attention to aren't when he is being insanely charming, flattering you and telling you what you want to hear. The parts you need to pay serious attention to is what he said about his mother, what he said about his sister - that alone is enough to drop him cold and walk away because he WILL turn on you too and make you his project or punching bag in the future. Also, pushiness, essentially overpowering you to the point where you feel intimidated to be yourself - this isn't even a red flag, this is a straight up run and block and delete his info and make certain he can't reach you again. Finally the whole trip thing and he will play the patient game....good grief OP. Your friends and family are 100% correct to be concerned and tell you that traveling with this guy anywhere would be crazy....it IS crazy and not because he is an ax murderer, but because his behavior is screaming a manipulative abuser stalking his prey, aka you.

    Please OP, don't get caught up in the sweet things because that's exactly how these creeps get women. When red flags are slapping you in the face, run and don't look back.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly given his diatribe on how he dislikes overweight people, this sounds like a "flirt-to-convert" situation. Google it.

  10. #19
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    Weirdo!!!! Block and delete!!!!!

  11. #20
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    Yeah, I don't think it's a mormon thing or flirt to convert. I think it's someone who is trying to hide a real bad attitude, and get you locked down before you can back away. The pretty veneer hides a darkness that you have only glimpsed.

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