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I feel so broken


jaygee123

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I wrote a post a few days ago about my boyfriend needing space and how blind sided I felt by his feelings. Well we just broke up and I feel so broken now. I don't know how to deal with this and all I want to do is drink. I want to drink until I forget. I don't want to work tomorrow. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to be alone. I don't know what to do. How do you go from someone being your everything and planning a future with them to that person not being in your life anymore? How? I don't know how to deal with this.

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One tiny step at a time

 

That's all you need to think about. Taking the small step you're taking now.

 

You will learn your happiness and worth doesn't depend on the love of someone else. You are okay and just fine all on your own. I know it doesn't feel that way now but that's the truth.

 

Just remember... don't think about tomorrow or next week...just think about the step you're taking now. Like going to bed or driving to work. Little moments.

 

I wish you the best and please know that in time, everything will be just fine :smug:

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Drink. Take off work tomorrow. Two days at most, if you have the type of job where you can miss more than once.

Cry as much as you need to. Then, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will get back to your life.

 

After my most challenging breakup, I had a therapy job that required me to go into people's homes to work with children. During those three hour sessions, I knew I had to try to focus on a concrete task instead of the breakup, and even though it was hard, it helped a lot. Sure, I bit back tears at times and spent plenty of my downtime obsessing, but work kept me grounded. Friends were the only other source of relief.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, take it one day at a time and don't be afraid to let a few things go while you're still at ground zero. Just don't let your life crumble, because it's the concrete goals and responsibilities that will save you in the end. Oh, and definitely go and stay no contact. Every time you speak will be like rubbing salt in the wound.

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That is why this site is here. I know it sucks and you are feeling terrible, the esteem is in the toilet, feels like there is no hope, no future. And I know when I was dumped I thought this was it, my last chance and a meaningful relationship and its never going to be better. Im going to be single and alone for the rest of my life.

I know I am not the only one here who has felt this way. We have all felt helpless and we are alone and we are in a hole that we will never get out. Fear that we will never meet someone as good as our X regardless how many times my friends say I would meet someone.

I like to think we build a wall to prevent us from getting hurt again. Then we spin around in circles wondering what to do, where to go, how do I get from here to Happiness. So here is what Im going to tell you.

You are going to be alright. You are going to get thru this and you are going to meet someone else and fall in love again. Right now, that seems like years and years away but I am telling you that this will happen in the near future. Being single does not mean being alone, it does not mean you are not attractive, undesirable, un worthy of a meaningful relationship. All it means is that you are open and available mentally and emotionally to have someone in your life.

Right now, you have room in your heart and in your life for someone better to come along. But for now, mourn your loss. Cry if you have to, but know in the end you will be just fine. Right now, its about you and your path to becoming that happy person again. Re-discover who you are. You will be alright.

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Well, just keep in mind that he didn't feel the same way about you, and keep telling yourself that.

 

Sure, have some drinks and take off tomorrow. But this weekend you should call up some of your friends and get out of your apartment and do something fun. And then treat yourself to everything that you like to do. Get your hair cut, your nails done. Look marvelous and feel marvelous. And then show your boyfriend you don't need him anymore. It's tough now, but it'll get better a little everyday.

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Is drinking, withdrawing and depression why he broke up with you? He stated that you were becoming progressively negative and critical. It seems you were making all sort of future plans and mapping out his life according to you as well. Making him your all and everything, thereby suffocating the relationship to death and perhaps being a bit micromanaging.

 

Get to AA and a doctor for a work up and a therapist. Drinking and stewing will make things worse, not better.

all I want to do is drink. I want to drink until I forget. I don't want to work tomorrow. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to be alone.
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I cried all day, everyday. You might think about missing a day or two. I didn't miss a single day for a long time but then I just broke down and missed like a week. Sometimes taking time to yourself can help in the long run. But with that being said, it's good to have something to keep you busy. I didn't want to be around my family really, but I did spend nights with my best friend and that helped.

 

Time is all that helps. and chatting on here of course. My thoughts are with you

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'Stay away from alcohol, whatever you do. It's a depressant and will make you feel worse'

 

Oh it's a depressant all right. It can, however, make you forget, for a few hours. Make the pain go away. For a few hours.

 

Yes, and then you're right back to Square One. Not a healthy habit to pick up. A couple drinks to let your hair down, sure. But going to the booze to make one forget, on a regular basis? The benefits don't outweigh the drawbacks.

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Thank you everyone for the kind words. I went to pick up my stuff tonight and to give him back his things. I've been crying all day and I have a huge headache from it all. And no, drinking is not why he left me. I actually don't drink that much on a daily basis but when I'm super stressed its the one thing I want to go. The hardest part about all of this is the fact that he fell out of love with me. We had a long conversation tonight our feelings. My head agrees with everything he's saying but my heart doesn't. I guess I have to take this one day at a time...

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When you are in the early stages like this - it might be really helpful to get some books on breaking up. One classic is "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." The audio book is really good. The author is sincere and it has a great mix of compassion, understanding and humor. Some others are "Getting Past your Breakup." And John Gray's books as well. Watch videos on the topic on YouTube. Get yourself a fancy pretty notebook and journal your feelings in it every day - whenever your emotions start to overwhelm you. Writing it out for some reason lessens the intensity of the pain. Take Epsom salt baths. Pray. Lean on your faith. Meditate. Cry. Read some more. Then start figuring out a goal for yourself that has nothing to do with a relationship. Something you want to do for you. Honestly - a breakup is like a project. You have to map it out and get yourself through to the other side - step by step - hour by hour. Until one day you realize you have built a new and gratifying life. Use all the resources you can (healthy ones). Keep posting here. I wish you well.

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If you try to medicate away the pain of all of life's slings and arrows, you'll still have the pain AND you'll dig yourself a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

Breakups are a natural part of learning who is right for your future and who is not. There will be lots of false positives until any clashes either reveal themselves to be resolvable or deal breakers. Most of the time they are deal breakers, because most people are not our match.

 

So I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this. I'd trust that if ex and I were ever really a meant-to-be deal, we'll both meet on higher ground someday. Meanwhile, it's up to each of us to reach that place on our own.

 

From there it's one baby step at a time toward healing and learning your own strength. I wouldn't ditch the opportunity to teach myself this by talking myself UP rather than down. Otherwise, I'll teach myself that I'm too weak to handle life and love--and that's a lousy message to take into the future if you want things to become easier rather than more difficult.

 

Head high, you can do this.

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