Embarrassed after suggesting we meet up....

There is a guy I have seen a few times through friends on nights out, and we always end up chatting all night when we see each other. He initiated texting and said he wanted to know me more and we have texted on and off. He has made multiple flirty hints about seeing each other, and last time we spoke he said he liked me and said we should meet up sober and saying 'let's make it happen' etc. I text him after this conversation along the lines of 'so let's meet up soon'....and he has ignored it for days. I'm not usually bold enough to do that with men, but decided to take a little more control of my dating life and put myself out there.

Do men just say what they think you want to hear in the moment? As I feel a little embarrassed I read the signs wrong and suggested meeting up!

Ok the ball is in his court. Good you reached out. Either you called his bluff and he was just a time waster or he'll suggest a meet, rather than just hinting.

You didn't do anything wrong OPer. If he said you two should go out, why wouldn't you assume it was ok? I would say the only issue, in the future, ask someone out in person, when you're sober. Putting your ego on the line via text is the absolute worst because you aren't seeing that person you cant read them, and they have the opportunity to ignore you.

With that being said, it very well may could have been the alcohol talking.

If you two end up together in social gatherings just go to the next one and see if he brings up the text. If not, it simply wasn't meant to be. Don't feel too embarrassed. You took a risk, that's not a bad thing.

Now you know not to spend the whole night talking to him when you go out with your friends. Him not being interested is not a comment on your worth, so there's nothing to feel embarrassed about. Just let it slide off your back, and focus your energy elsewhere.

How about progress the conversation? All I hear in your last response was parroting what he said right before. It probably made him go "I just said that!" He said let's make it happen and then you said let's meet up soon. How about suggest a day, such as "When are you free?" or a "I am free this Saturday if you are?" It won't hurt to ask one of those questions that require a response. You don't have anything to lose in saying it since your last response didn't require one in return. At least if he doesn't respond to you posing a question, you know where you stand and can move on after his rudeness.

You called his bluff - good for you and nothing to be embarrassed about. Agree with above posters that now you know not to waste your time and attention on him anymore. This is actually exactly how you take control of your dating life and weed out time wasters. Truly good job. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you do this, the more you'll see the benefit of doing this and it will start to feel natural and comfortable.

How about progress the conversation? All I hear in your last response was parroting what he said right before. It probably made him go "I just said that!" He said let's make it happen and then you said let's meet up soon. How about suggest a day, such as "When are you free?" or a "I am free this Saturday if you are?" It won't hurt to ask one of those questions that require a response. You don't have anything to lose in saying it since your last response didn't require one in return. At least if he doesn't respond to you posing a question, you know where you stand and can move on after his rudeness.

I don't agree. Don't reach out again. You did enough. The ball is in his court.

I don't agree. Don't reach out again. You did enough. The ball is in his court.

Do what you want. Just having a conversation that doesn't suggest at least a place or time relatively soon by any party is frustrating. Why even wait when you can just know to move on or not after posing a response that requires one back (aka a question)? He could be thinking you are possibly delaying a meet by not suggesting a time or place too, so doesn't respond or even writes you off. In my experience, it goes a lot smoother when you are much more cut and dry, to the point. Not this flailing around nonsense of "oh I really want to meet you"..."I want to meet you too"..."I can't wait to meet you"..."I'm looking forward to meeting you"...and etc. It hasn't failed me.

I also do not agree.

You didn't read the signs wrong, OP. How could you, when he suggested meeting up.

Your text "let's meet up soon" doesn't necessitate a response. If you had asked something along the lines of, "Hey, did you want to meet up this weekend?", it would put more pressure on him to respond (since you're asking a question and therefore expect a response). So, if by chance you ever find yourself in a similar boat, I'd keep this in mind.

However, regardless, if he truly does want to meet up, he will touch base with you in response to your text and make plans.

Otherwise, like some of the other posters have mentioned, he's just wasting your time.

Also, I think yatsue has a point in that it would be more beneficial for you to be more specific and clear in terms of your intentions next time. You didn't do anything wrong by saying "let's meet up soon", but I don't think you really put yourself out there as much as you may think you have. I'm not meaning this in an offensive way, because I can relate to how nerve-wracking it can be when you feel like you have put yourself out there in the dating world (I'm still very much learning how to put myself out there and not be so hard on myself). I'm just saying that from his perspective, he may not perceive your text message in the same way. He most likely just took it as a passive comment. I wouldn't necessarily reach out again and ask him when he's free, but I would be more specific next time by calling the guy out and saying, "Hey, did you want to meet up for a drink on Tuesday or Friday?". You may not get the response you would like to receive, but at least with a text like this you would get some kind of closure and know where you stand (response or not).

Lastly, just want to say that you shouldn’t be embarrassed by your text. Not at all! It doesn’t make you sound needy or overly eager; not even close!

Maybe he was just bluffing and saying it just for saying but at the same time I don't see "let's meet soon" as concret plans. Unless there's the suggestion of a date and place, I don't see that as an invitation to meet. But you did nothing wrong.

There is a guy I have seen a few times through friends on nights out, and we always end up chatting all night when we see each other. He initiated texting and said he wanted to know me more and we have texted on and off. He has made multiple flirty hints about seeing each other, and last time we spoke he said he liked me and said we should meet up sober and saying 'let's make it happen' etc. I text him after this conversation along the lines of 'so let's meet up soon'....and he has ignored it for days. I'm not usually bold enough to do that with men, but decided to take a little more control of my dating life and put myself out there.

 

Do men just say what they think you want to hear in the moment? As I feel a little embarrassed I read the signs wrong and suggested meeting up!

Do not feel embarrassed about that. I used to think guys had to make the 1st move, but I have stepped out of my own comfort zone. Not all those experiences ended badly. I met my bf online, I sent the 1st message and initiated the 1st date. Keep doing what you are doing, just don't pester if the guy doesn't text you. Honestly he doesn't sound interested and if the text goes unanswered he def isn't.

I'm going to say the same thing as everyone else: There is no reason to feel embarrassed. I think you read the signs correctly in that this guy has seemed genuinely interested. You took the bull by the horns...a little passively...but it seems to me you're both dancing around the "does s/he like me for real" dance...insecurity on what is slapping you in the face...and there is interest. There seems to be interest from him.

I agree with the previous poster that if this guy is just blowing wind up your skirt, you now know where to NOT focus your attention when you're at these gatherings. There are other people to enjoy and other potential boyfriends to meet. Don't waste time on someone who's marginally interested unless it suits you in the moment to enjoy this time...expect nothing more. Do not prioritize him if there's something else you'd like to participate in, or other people you'd like to hang out with or meet, whether it be platonic or potentially romantic...don't wait around on pins and needles for a non-starter.

Your interest has been presented, and if his only interest in you is when he's buzzed and feeling lonely, you may as well move on. At the very least, don't fret and prioritize until he takes some initiative...sober.

If the guy can't function without a buzz on board, date you, ask you out, talk to you in person without a buzz on board; is this someone you really want to pursue? You hit him with some reality...yes, let's get together sober...met with crickets...it's a bit of a warning sign to me if this guy can't socialize and date without a buzz on board.