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Is he still interested and shall I contact him?


Lulubella

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I (38) met a guy (45) via an online dating app and we had some very good conversations before he asked me out for our first date about a month ago on a Friday night. It went really well and he initiated the 2nd date the day after, and we met up again the Friday after ( was supposed to be sooner but somethings came up). The 2nd date went even better, and he stayed over at mine but we did not have sex as I told him I wanted to wait for abit and he respected that.

Since then we have been texting consistently pretty much on an almost daily basis( except for the first 3 days after the 2nd date and I went into panic mode and decided to text him first), with very long entertaining messages.

The physical attraction is definitely there, not to brag but we are both considered generally attractive/ above average lookswise. He has consistently complimented me throughout our dates and after on how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am etc. We are also both single parents with busy lives, he has 2 kids who live half of the week with him, and I have 1 child who’s full time with me. We also could talk about basically anything like our pasts etc so the mental/ emotional connection appears to be there.

We didn’t have a subsequent 3rd date as things came up like kids/ illness but he did keep on saying how much he loved my company and wanted to see me again.

 

About 2 weeks ago I went for a short 6 day trip to Europe for a wedding. The texting and communication was really good prior to my trip and he kept on talking about the next few months and how he can’t wait to do this and that with me.

He also told me to send photos on my holidays.

Our last texts were over a week ago, I received his last text just as I arrived in Europe and gave it 1.5 days to reply. Then towards the end of my trip a week ago,I sent him pics of my holiday/myself. Since then total radio silence from him. Not even a comment on my pics

 

I have no idea what’s going on and stressing out majorly!

I am one of those girls who prefers a guy to initiate contact/dates and take the lead although on rare occasions I do initiate contact but never dates.

1) Do you think I should text him to let him know I’m back? He knows I’m only away for a week so he knows well that I should be back by now .

2) Is he still interested or trying to ghost me/ found someone else?.....I have checked the dating app where we met and he hasn’t gone online at all the last few days. We usually chat through iMessage and from looking at his WhatsApp he normally only goes online once a day.

I know that if a guy is truly interested he will reach out but now I’m thinking he’s suddenly lost interest while i was away.

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Sorry to hear this but there are a great deal of one or two-and-done dates in online dating. Could be anything... incompatible schedules. Meeting more people, who knows?

 

Next time ease way back on the texting and focus more on in person dates. Don't try to create pseudo-intimacy through excess texting.

 

Also don't steer them to your place so quickly, sex or not it kills any mystery.. Try not to strive so hard for an insta-relationship with constant texting and immediate sleepovers. Make time to date. Hire a babysitter when you go out.

our first date about a month ago. The 2nd date went even better, and he stayed over at mine. We didn’t have a subsequent 3rd date as things came up like kids/ illness. Our last texts were over a week ago. Since then total radio silence from him.
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Don't play games with texting. You can read dozens of posts here about people saying they decided to stop texting someone as some kind of a "test" or something and they wound up losing their bf/gf. Things like this backfire. Also guys don't text as much as girls. You're not a teenager anymore waiting for a guy to ask you to the prom. You're 38 years old. Take control of your own life. If you want to text your bf, text him. Don't wait for him because he might think you've lost interest. Give the guy a break. If you want a date, then ask him. If you want to know how he is, ask him. Stop creating drama or you'll lose him.

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Text him, say you're back from vacation and did he want to meet up for drinks. If he doesn't respond you have your answer. If he does respond then have fun.

 

Why are you putting so much value on a guy you've only been out with two times? You best dial back your expectations because at this point, you have too much invested in someone you barely even know.

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May I ask what you're stressing out about?

 

Your words don't match your actions. On one end you describe yourself as above average physically but then go on to display well almost desperation. Like you're terrified he's going to change his mind about you any minute. Your confidence just doesn't seem to be there, too much game playing due to insecurities and you're too old to be doing any of this. You live you learn.. I doubt at 45 he's playing texting games. Just reach out.

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This is where online dating is just absurd.

 

In theory, we go "online" in order to "date," meaning the land of pixels gives way to, you know, the third dimension. But somewhere in there we confuse texting with actually dating, and get in a tizzy over gray and blue bubbles on a little black screen.

 

The trouble with texting is that it creates an immediate sense of false intimacy. It's fun to banter with a new person, send some pics back and forth. Spicy! Connection! But it's ultimately kind of hollow, and before long one or both parties will loose steam if there's nothing happening IRL to compliment the digital.

 

Bottom line here: You're two adults, with busy lives. You want to see him again? Reach out and say so. You want a guy who initiates everything? Keep looking/see if he reaches out.

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